Best Mannin a weddin

[TSD]

Yeah its 7 months away, but I can use words of wisdom on the speech.



Fucked up thing, I've done it before. I was the best man at my brothers wedding when I was 18 (I am 31 now for reference). It seemed so easy, granted that was the first night I had ever been drunk...I am sure that helped. Now when its all serious and for someone who really is important to me. I have no idea what to say. I mean, there is a plethora of material, if we want to "tell stories" in this situation, although, you know 80% of the people don't want to hear about that shit, I mean, I even have stories involving the bride and groom, but what I find funny may be inappropriate to others.



i.e. one new years eve where our mutual buddy groped the shit out of the brides titties,I think thats a funny story but the guests might not.



I just don't really know how to approach this.

 

[mikita's helmet]

Yeah its 7 months away, but I can use words of wisdom on the speech.



Fucked up thing, I've done it before. I was the best man at my brothers wedding when I was 18 (I am 31 now for reference). It seemed so easy, granted that was the first night I had ever been drunk...I am sure that helped. Now when its all serious and for someone who really is important to me. I have no idea what to say. I mean, there is a plethora of material, if we want to "tell stories" in this situation, although, you know 80% of the people don't want to hear about that shit, I mean, I even have stories involving the bride and groom, but what I find funny may be inappropriate to others.



i.e. one new years eve where our mutual buddy groped the shit out of the brides titties,I think thats a funny story but the guests might not.



I just don't really know how to approach this.

I'm sure the bride's parents will appreciate that anecdote.



Just say some nice shit about the couple, some lies about how great marriage is, wish them luck in the future, make a couple of toasts and, later, **** one of the bridesmaids.

 

[The Mule]

I would refrain from telling any stories about titties being groped. I know, it's hard not to, but it'll be for the best.



Funny speeches are great, but tricky. Try and think of as many funny stories about your friend as you can and then ask the most easily offended person you know which one is the least offensive. Then just say some stuff about why you love your friend, and that you hope those two crazy idiots getting hitched have the best life and shit. And no more than 5 minutes! 3 minutes is probably best. One to two typed pages, double-spaced. The only thing worse than an uncomfortable speech is it being loooooooooooooooong and everyone feeling like they'll never see the sun again.



You have sooooo much time until then. Most people don't write their speeches this early. One time I was still writing and re-writing my maid of honour speech in a hotel bathroom at 5am the day of the wedding.

 

[bri]

Speak from your heart and be genuine. Perhaps you should write it when you are drunk or at least a little tipsy. That seems to be when you let your guard down the most and the real Timmy comes out. I am just going from years of observation.

 

[phranchk]

My best man speech inspiration just came to me one night when I couldn't sleep. I wrote the idea down and it killed at the wedding. If you throw a joke in there make it general. Like you said, some stories are funny to you not others. I think it's not best to tell a personal story for humor unless it's something that everyone can relate to.

The gist of the best part of the speech (I'm changing his name just in case he didn't want it to be here)..."John and I have been friends for a long time. For those of you who know us well know that we love to argue. Nothing was too small to argue about. Even when one of us was proven wrong by facts we still argued why our rational was right. Basically, I spent the last 15 years preparing John for marriage."

If you can get one joke in there and then tell why your friend will make a great husband, compliment the bride and you're set.

 

[sth]

These are all good. I've only been best man once but I wrote nothing I just said what I thought of my friend. Like Bri said speak from the heart and you'll be fine.

 

[Variable]

When in doubt just cue up the music from Independence Day and deliver the President's speech before they go into battle.

 

[jakobeast]

Yes short. I was at a wedding where the speech went on for 25 minutes. No fooling.

 

[PatrickShart]

Just tell everyone you slept with the bride.

 

[BigPete]

Did the guy ever have a heart to heart with you about why he likes this girl or why he wants to marry her? Sometimes an abbreviated version of that conversation is good. Chicks dig it and the family will think highly of him for talking to his close/best friend about something/someone so important to him.

 

[BlackHawkPaul]

Yes short. I was at a wedding where the speech went on for 25 minutes. No fooling.

I used to film weddings. I wanted to falcon punch the nearest bridesmaid for some of those long, impossibly boring speeches.



I was best man once. My speech sucked, and I hope I never have to do something stupid like that again.

I also think it's rude to ask someone to spend money on a tux and ask them to stand up in a wedding.

So, I sprung for the shirts/ties, etc. in my wedding for the groomsmen. I also bought them Blackhawks jerseys.

 

[BigPete]

Here is another trick to add some good info about him or the bride to the speech. Our rent-a-rev gave us a questionnaire because he didn't know us. It asked how we met, why we hooked up, common interests, and other things of that nature. You don't have to give a bio but it might help add some one liners to the speech to fill time or emphasize something you are trying to convey.



Hence: "Pete and Melissa together, are now passionate Chicago Blackhawks fans, but it wasn't always that way. After just a few months of dating, Melissa agreed to stand outside in freezing temperatures for several hours to enjoy the Winter Classic at Wrigley Field after Pete, a self-professed die-hard fan, invited her. That kind of sacrifice, commitment, and dedication will carry over into their relationship for decades to come."

 

[Tater]

Here is another trick to add some good info about him or the bride to the speech. Our rent-a-rev gave us a questionnaire because he didn't know us. It asked how we met, why we hooked up, common interests, and other things of that nature. You don't have to give a bio but it might help add some one liners to the speech to fill time or emphasize something you are trying to convey.



Hence: "Pete and Melissa together, are now passionate Chicago Blackhawks fans, but it wasn't always that way. After just a few months of dating, Melissa agreed to stand outside in freezing temperatures for several hours to enjoy the Winter Classic at Wrigley Field after Pete, a self-professed die-hard fan, invited her. That kind of sacrifice, commitment, and dedication will carry over into their relationship for decades to come."

Nice! Even in-laws would have to love something like that.

 

[jakobeast]

I used to film weddings. I wanted to falcon punch the nearest bridesmaid for some of those long, impossibly boring speeches.



I was best man once. My speech sucked, and I hope I never have to do something stupid like that again.

I also think it's rude to ask someone to spend money on a tux and ask them to stand up in a wedding.

So, I sprung for the shirts/ties, etc. in my wedding for the groomsmen. I also bought them Blackhawks jerseys.

For your next wedding I would be happy to be a groomsmen.

 

[BlackHawkPaul]

For your next wedding I would be happy to be a groomsmen.

One and done.

Either she's killing me or getting half my shit.

















Literally... half my poo.

 

[jakobeast]

One and done.

Either she's killing me or getting half my shit.

















Literally... half my poo.

I hope that's in the prenup.

 

[MassHavoc]

I've been the best man twice now and one thing I'll say is always write it out first. Even if you don't stick to it or go off script make sure you write as much as you can of what you want to say first. 1.) because there are always going to be lot's of strangers there that you don't know which can make you get a little anxiety, even if you think you won't, you are basically performing to them. 2.) if it's a good wedding you'll probably have some drinks before your speech and that can mess up anything. Be loose be comfortable, write it down. Rewrite it, improve it, practice it, rewrite it, practice it some more. Then just try to give the speak as naturally as possible, with the written version as a backup. if you screw it up no one cares. The worst thing you can do is make it drag out, and mess up the flow. It can only be as long as it is good. Then you start to lose them.

 

[The Count Dante]

I have been the best man a couple times as well. As MH mentioned, make it fast, make it relevant.



1. Thank the families (I add a bit of humor make making fun of myself), compliment the venue.

e.g. "Thank you to the Fubar family for actually allowing me to attend such an incredible venue... I am proud that I have not even fallen on the floor in a drunken stupor yet"



2. A light story about them through courtship.

e.g. "When Melvin took Gretel to a Blackhawks game and in her excitement threw beer at Melvin, I knew it was a match made in perfection."



3. Mention a couple things you like about her (if you know her); One significant one with humorous overtone. Even if you dont like her, make it up, she will never think it is made up.

e.g. "As a friend of Melvin's, Gretel is such an incredible host. Her home has always been opened to anyone who needed it, which helps since I couldnt cook to save my life, so Gretel, thank you so much for letting me eat all the food in the house at any given time."



4. Talk about him. Keys are: ANY story must be funny to anyone there, from ages 8-80 years old. If the joke couldnt be told on The Muppet Show, you cant use it either. I usually "embarrass" with one very clean humorous story, then go sappy.



5. To the Bride and Groom (I am against any clever toasts, keep this simple)



6. ????



7. Bang the bridesmaids when they think you are a big softy.



8. Profit.



3 - 5 minutes TOPS

 

[BlackHawkPaul]

If it starts going bad, just pull out your **** and pee on the wedding cake.

 

[The Count Dante]

If it starts going bad, just pull out your **** and pee on the wedding cake.

9. If it starts to go bad you can just piss all over the...oh nevermind, BHP got it...