Brutal day yesterday

[Tater]

Spent most of yesterday at Loyola Hospital. To make it as short as possible:

My MIL had heart surgery 3 weeks ago. My wife's Mom was her best friend and they'd talk everyday. She had been in ICU for 3 weeks following heart surgery and was just turning the corner. On Monday they said she might finally be moved into a regular room Tuesday, so my wife brought all of her laundry and things she couldn't have in ICU to our house. Washed all the clothes with the hopes of bringing them to her her yesterday evening or today. The hospital called her around 9:00 yesterday morning and said to come right down there, she had gone into a coma from brain hemorrhaging. After meeting with the doctors and being told that she couldn't be saved, her and her brother and sister made the tough decision.
She held her Mom's hand sobbing as they unhooked the breathing tube. Niece and nephews watching.
Very rough day.

Bottom line: I don't think it's really hit my wife yet. She has been doing an ungodly amount to help her, taken tests and classes and visited every chance she could while working two jobs. Too many other things to list. Today she is busy going to funeral homes and talking to her Mom's church/priest.
She hasn't had a really big cry yet and I think she's been too busy for it to sink in. I know everyone grieves in their own way and it will hit her hard, but is there anything I can do to help besides to just "be there" for her? I want be there for support when it does hit home, but we both work...

/epic post

 

[Ares]

Sorry for ur loss Tater... I don't have any good advice.

When my Stepmom died, I took time off work and just did anything my Dad needed.... drove him everywhere so he didn't have to.... stuck around at his house to have beers when I normally woulda gone home. Anything little to make it easier.

Iz never easy.

 

[Monster]

I'm sorry for your loss Tater. Very tough to lose a parent. It will take her some time. Just be there, it's all you can do.

 

[Urblock]

Sorry Tater. My wife lost here Mom in 2014. Just be there for her.

 

[Tater]

Thanks guys. I kind of feel like she can't start healing until it finally sinks in and she has a really good cry.
It's hard to hear her sound cheerful over the phone, knowing it's gonna hit her so hard.

 

[BaBaBlacksheep]

Sorry man. That sucks. I'm still sad over losing my dog.... Couldn't imagine having a breathing tube pulled on a parent. You'll do right by your wife I'm sure.

 

[clonetrooper264]

Sucks to hear man. Honestly, it's just gonna suck in general, but just try to be as helpful as you can. Sometimes that might be leaving her alone as well...that might be the hardest. Just depends on how what she needs. Sorry for your loss. You guys will pull through though.

 

[Tater]

Thanks.
I forgot to mention that she is being cremated, and there won't be a church funeral service until August. They had a large family picnic planned and will use that to celebrate her life after a small church service.
No "finality" for 3 months is what makes me think it will be harder to accept for a while.

 

[brett05]

When I lost my mom it didn't sink in for me until I passed the closed casket. I lost her in my mid 30's. Everyone grieves differently. Being there for her to just be the man God wants you to be is all you can do. Continue to be that great husband for her.

 

[AussieBear]

all the best.. i lost both of my parent growing up... you never really get over it... its just a process... took me over a decade to finally start breathing a lil again... day at a time shit....

 

[winos5]

That sucks Tater. Hang in there.

 

[LordKOTL]

The best advice I can give is make sure you're 100% there when she breaks down...even if it's 3:00am on a work night.

You and your family hang in there, man.

 

[Ares]

The best advice I can give is make sure you're 100% there when she breaks down...even if it's 3:00am on a work night.

You and your family hang in there, man.

Nah you just be like "Babe its 3am on a work night, can't you cry l8er?"

 

[Tater]

The best advice I can give is make sure you're 100% there when she breaks down...even if it's 3:00am on a work night.

You and your family hang in there, man.

That's what I'm worried about, that it will happen while she's at work or commuting. She took yesterday and today off to handle funeral, church service..., but she used used to call her Mom every morning right before she got to work.

 

[LordKOTL]

That's what I'm worried about, that it will happen while she's at work or commuting. She took yesterday and today off to handle funeral, church service..., but she used used to call her Mom every morning right before she got to work.

Unfortunately you can't force it to happen. It will happen when it will (if it does). Just make sure she knows (and i mean *knows*) that if it hits her she can call you and that you'll be there any time.

Losing a parent is brutal. You and your family have my condolences.

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[DC]

Stay strong! Continue to be the rock she married!

 

[theOHIOSTATE!]

Sorry to read this.

I don't have any good advice for you, but I hope your family has many good times after these horrible ones.

 

[Tater]

Thanks guys.

 

[Desperado34]

Sorry man, hope your wife is okay.

It's tough when your parent or parents are your best friend. I love my mother and would do anything for her; at the same time my dads my best friend. Both 60+, Im terrified the day I lose both, just hitting 60 freaked me out.

How is your wife? In truth, it's pretty damn awesome your wife called her mother every day before work. That's good character, damn good. You got a good one.


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[DMelt36]

Bottom line: I don't think it's really hit my wife yet. She has been doing an ungodly amount to help her, taken tests and classes and visited every chance she could while working two jobs. Too many other things to list. Today she is busy going to funeral homes and talking to her Mom's church/priest.
She hasn't had a really big cry yet and I think she's been too busy for it to sink in. I know everyone grieves in their own way and it will hit her hard, but is there anything I can do to help besides to just "be there" for her? I want be there for support when it does hit home, but we both work...

/epic post

Awful news to hear Tater. All the best to you and the family as you get through this.

And to answer your question, I don't really know if there's anything else you can do. Just be vigilant as hell about being there for your wife, I imagine she'll be thankful you were there in hindsight.