Chris J
Chris Jelinek
- Joined:
- Jul 22, 2011
- Posts:
- 609
- Liked Posts:
- 139
- Location:
- Joliet
Chris J
Chris Jelinek
- Joined:
- Jul 22, 2011
- Posts:
- 609
- Liked Posts:
- 139
- Location:
- Joliet
If there is anything you guys think I could improve on in my writing just let me know.
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- Apr 17, 2010
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- Peoria IL
Looked good
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Here are just a few things:
*The Cubs 56th overall pick came as compensation from Carlos Pena (the spacing around 43 and 56 got kind of messed up too)
*It is kind of a contradiction to say that Johnson has three good pitches and then say in the last sentence of the paragraph that he needs to improve the change in order to be an effective big league pitcher
*I don't like one sentence paragraphs. I would have added that he could be an effective reliever if the injury concerns reemerge or something to that effect. The sentence is also kind of awkward to me.
*I would make a change to the second sentence about Blackburn. I would change the phrase "and then" to "along with" to make it a little less redundant.
*You start a lot of sentences with subordinate clauses. That is fine to do some of the time, but you use it five times. Add in the two sentences you start with however and your writing lacks directness expected in this style of writing. I think you could write those 7 sentences more clearly and it would make your writing more dynamic.
Minor criticisms really, but you asked for suggestions.
*The Cubs 56th overall pick came as compensation from Carlos Pena (the spacing around 43 and 56 got kind of messed up too)
*It is kind of a contradiction to say that Johnson has three good pitches and then say in the last sentence of the paragraph that he needs to improve the change in order to be an effective big league pitcher
*I don't like one sentence paragraphs. I would have added that he could be an effective reliever if the injury concerns reemerge or something to that effect. The sentence is also kind of awkward to me.
*I would make a change to the second sentence about Blackburn. I would change the phrase "and then" to "along with" to make it a little less redundant.
*You start a lot of sentences with subordinate clauses. That is fine to do some of the time, but you use it five times. Add in the two sentences you start with however and your writing lacks directness expected in this style of writing. I think you could write those 7 sentences more clearly and it would make your writing more dynamic.
Minor criticisms really, but you asked for suggestions.
- Joined:
- Nov 12, 2010
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My favorite teams
You're not an English teacher
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You're not an English teacher
I just play one online...
Chris J
Chris Jelinek
- Joined:
- Jul 22, 2011
- Posts:
- 609
- Liked Posts:
- 139
- Location:
- Joliet
I was ready some reports and forget to change it from three good pitches to two. And I wrote about Johnson right away and ten quick added in about Blackburn and forgot
To mention how they got that pick. But it's all
Good I appreciate it.
To mention how they got that pick. But it's all
Good I appreciate it.
Staff online NOW
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bamainatlantaYou wake him up, you keep him up