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Lets hear some of your most cringe worthy holiday moments.
Mine is hands down the beef jerky incident.
I was in 5th grade, my brother 7th.
For several years, moms booze intake had been steadily increasing.
It was the last day of school before Christmas break. My brother and I each got to invite a friend to sleep over, watch movies, and play river raid on the Atari 2600.
Super excited, because mom was making cookies and the once a year treat...teriyaki beef jerky!!!
Me and my buddy stay after school to play in the snow for half an hour or so and wait for my brother.
He gets there and we head home.
We open the front door, the house is filled with smoke and it looked like a bomb went off. A bomb of shit, puke, and teriyaki sauce.
We walk in the door, and immediately to our right lies my mother... Passed out or unconscious from a fall, hard to determine. We had a set of encyclopedias on a little book case that she knocked over as she fell.
Did she reach out to steady herself and knock them down, knocking herself unconscious as she went? Who knows- but the end result was her on the floor amidst a tangle of encyclopedias.
Getting over the shock of that, we run to the kitchen to see what is burning.
In the oven are 2 sheets of what were once peanut butter cookies, now reduced to ash.
On the pan below is a caramelized mess of teriyaki sauce with charred strips of beef.
Once we turned the oven off and threw the remains in the sink, we become aware of a literal explosion of beef jerky marinade on the floor and walls- 2 9x13 pans awaiting cooking had been knocked off the counter, splashing everywhere.
We could hear our dog retching in the living room, and we run back in there in just enough time to see our dog vomit up a mountain of raw beef within a foot of moms head.
Immediately afterwards, the poor guy walks 3 steps and shoots a fountain of diarrhea.
Needless to say, the sleepover was canceled.
Me, being the spiteful little bastard that I was, grabbed a paper towel, picked up several pieces of beef vomit, and dropped it in my moms stocking.
...the kicker of the story is this- I got grounded when my mom reached in to her stocking on Christmas and pulled out dog puke.
So- any other good stories out there?
Mine is hands down the beef jerky incident.
I was in 5th grade, my brother 7th.
For several years, moms booze intake had been steadily increasing.
It was the last day of school before Christmas break. My brother and I each got to invite a friend to sleep over, watch movies, and play river raid on the Atari 2600.
Super excited, because mom was making cookies and the once a year treat...teriyaki beef jerky!!!
Me and my buddy stay after school to play in the snow for half an hour or so and wait for my brother.
He gets there and we head home.
We open the front door, the house is filled with smoke and it looked like a bomb went off. A bomb of shit, puke, and teriyaki sauce.
We walk in the door, and immediately to our right lies my mother... Passed out or unconscious from a fall, hard to determine. We had a set of encyclopedias on a little book case that she knocked over as she fell.
Did she reach out to steady herself and knock them down, knocking herself unconscious as she went? Who knows- but the end result was her on the floor amidst a tangle of encyclopedias.
Getting over the shock of that, we run to the kitchen to see what is burning.
In the oven are 2 sheets of what were once peanut butter cookies, now reduced to ash.
On the pan below is a caramelized mess of teriyaki sauce with charred strips of beef.
Once we turned the oven off and threw the remains in the sink, we become aware of a literal explosion of beef jerky marinade on the floor and walls- 2 9x13 pans awaiting cooking had been knocked off the counter, splashing everywhere.
We could hear our dog retching in the living room, and we run back in there in just enough time to see our dog vomit up a mountain of raw beef within a foot of moms head.
Immediately afterwards, the poor guy walks 3 steps and shoots a fountain of diarrhea.
Needless to say, the sleepover was canceled.
Me, being the spiteful little bastard that I was, grabbed a paper towel, picked up several pieces of beef vomit, and dropped it in my moms stocking.
...the kicker of the story is this- I got grounded when my mom reached in to her stocking on Christmas and pulled out dog puke.
So- any other good stories out there?
