Monstrous Mayhem In Milwaukee - NHL 11

[Taiter]

Tragedy in Vancouver, Miracle in Milwaukee

A few short days ago, tragedy struck a Vancouver family. Their loved grandpa Bob finally took his last breathe in his fight to conquer cancer. Bob was a rich man, but wasn't a snob. You'll ask people on the streets near his neighborhood and they'll all acknowledge his smile on his face at all times, and generous helping out in the community. Many celebrities and wealthy people just donate to make their name out there. Bob was more than that, he was physically out and about doing whatever needed to be done. The past 7 years this man has been living on practically one lung due to the mountains of cigarettes smoked per day.

In Bob's will, which was left in his safe entitled his grandson among all things, all of his stocks. The stocks were bought in total of 125 million dollars. His grandson Jon Boyle, who is at a slender age of 23 decided to have the stocks withdrawn from the pool and sell them. A grand total of 380 million dollars. Jon who was never a hockey player himself but loved watching his hometown Vancouver Canucks, decided to contact Gary Bettman about purchasing a team and relocating them. First few phone calls, Gary kept hanging up. Who would blame him? A twenty-three year old trying to purchase an NHL club. Finally, Jon convinced Bettman to meet in person. Of course, Gary trying to test Mr. Boyle he made him fly and meet him in a boardroom in Toronto. Amazingly Boyle was on time, in fact fashionably early. After hours of talk and negotiation it all was almost being done when Jon said "I have 260 million dollars, to purchase the Columbus Blue Jackets and relocate them to Milwaukee, here take a look". Briefcases full of money exchanged into Garry's possession to look at, in shock and awe Gary looked at Jon with a business like manner and said "Kid, welcome to the National Hockey League as an owner".

Jon Boyle, youngest NHL owner. Ready for business.​

 

[Toews Sideburns]

Looks good.

 

[Rush]

Lookin' solid. Good luck.

 

[Taiter]

Milwaukee Mayhem Starts

Just about 20 hours ago the league decided to sell the Columbus Blue Jackets to a 23 year old, the purchase was unexpected and was just a spur of the moment with no intention or planning of this transaction. Owner Jon Boyle has announced the moving of the Blue Jackets to Milwaukee and become the "Milwaukee Monsters". The team will make a transition from colors being union blue and goal red, to black, orange and white. During a recent press conference in Columbus where the owner had announced the relocation of the team he announced the team name and colors. One journalists asked "Why black and orange?". Jon simply answered "Where I come from, a lacrosse organization that has produced several National Lacrosse League players the colors are black, orange and white. These are colors that are 'home colors' if you may call them that".

Alongside the team moving, several changes have made to the front office and coaching staff. The twenty-three year old Jon Boyle will take over Scott Howson's role as general manager. Jon will become the third general manager in the franchise history. Scott Arniel will remain as head coach, after being signed in the off-season, Scott was very successful as Manitoba Moose's head coach, never had a losing record. Before signing the deal with the "Blue Jackets" Scott Arniel and the Moose posted up a 50 win season. Brad Berry will also remain as an assistant coach, it is to be believed that the new owner and general manager doesn't want to disrupt the chemistry between coaches too much.​

 

[Taiter]

Wild Coaching

Head coach Todd Richards has been relieved of his duties. Due to Minnesota Wild team policies, details were not released. A coach of Richards' calibre, how long will it take for him to find a new home? Likely places consist of, New Jersey Devils, Calgary Flames, New York Islanders.​

Milwaukee Makes Another Move

With recent firing of Todd Richards in Minnesota, it took no longer then less than 6 hours to find a new job. Milwaukee Monsters have signed Todd Richards to a deal to be an assistant coach. Todd would replace Bob Boughner as an assistant coach. The coaching staff for the new Milwaukee will look like thisl Head coach: Scott Arniel, Assistant Coach: Todd Richards, Assistant Coach: Brad Berry.

"Being apart of a coaching staff for your hometown team is unbelievable, its very similar to playing for your hometown team, just more pressure on you. If fans aren't happy with your coaching tactics or your teams record the blame can easily fall under the coaching staff. It's a tough job. A no-brainer for me, get fired from Minnesota. There is no other team that compares to being apart of the Milwaukee Monsters".

Former general manager Doug Maclean has been signed as an assistant GM to Jon Boyle. It is speculated to just help this youngster learn the ropes of being a GM in the league. Doug will still be apart of Roger Sportsnets' HockeyCentral program.​

TSN Confirmation

 

[Toews Sideburns]

Nice updates Taiter.

 

[Taiter]

Hockey Team Home Shuffle

An update out of Milwaukee regarding arena for the Monsters. The Monsters will be playing out of the Bradley Center, which was home to the Milwaukee Admirals (Nashville Predators AHL club) and Milwaukee Bucks (NBA team). A dispute has gone on for a few days about the Admirals playing out of the same home as the Monsters, this would make the scheduling a nightmare for both the NHL and AHL. The state of Wisconsin gave the Monsters permission to use the Bradley Center as a permanent home. While the Admirals will join the Wisconsin Badgers (University of Wisconsin teams) in sharing the Kohl Center as their home arenas. The move for the Admirals is just temporarily until they either move, or get a new home in Wisconsin.​

 

[Taiter]

* Jon Boyle picks up the phone and dials Vancouver Canucks GM Dave Nonis *
* Dave Nonis answers*

Dave Nonis: Dave Nonis, Vancouver General Manager Speaking

Jon Boyle: Hi Dave, this is Jon Boyle. The Milwaukee Monsters GM

Dave Nonis: *Laughing* I am a busy man, please don't prank call me.

*Dave hangs up the phone. Jon tries calling three more times. Dave recognized the number and just left the phone ring. Jon calls once more to hopefully let Dave know this isn't a prank call. Dave Nonis picks up the phone*

Dave Nonis: I told you kid, I am busy and can't be taking prank calls all day.

Jon Boyle: Dave, listen. I am the GM of Milwaukee Monsters. Check TSN or NHL's website. I have purchased the Columbus Blue Jackets and moved them to Milwaukee.

Dave Nonis: I told you, I am busy kid.

Jon Boyle: It'll take you a minute to look up on the computer that I am for real, and the Monsters DO exist.

*Awkward silence as Dave looks up the Monsters*

Dave Nonis: Oh, sorry about that kid. You just sounded like a prank caller. WOW! A 23 year old owner / GM of a National Hockey League.

Jon Boyle: Yes shocking, I know. Lets cut to the business of this call. I want Ryan Kesler to center Rick Nash.

Dave Nonis: Sorry Jon, no can do. Anyways congratulations of your purchase.

Jon Boyle: I am talking Jakub Voracek and RJ Umberger and possibly more coming your way.

Dave Nonis: Hmm. Jakub Voracek. Okay, I'm listening. ONLY listening for now. Ryan Kesler is a stud of a two-way player.

Jon Boyle: Yes I realize that, he would fit pretty dang good with Rick Nash in my eyes, and the eyes of my head coach Scott Arniel.

Dave Nonis: Ahh Scotty. So he is still in that organization. Now that I think of it, you may have what I want.

Jon Boyle: I can also take a chunk off your defense, seeing your NHL calibre of defenseman you got.

Dave Nonis: You can never have enough of defense. *Thinking about it* How big of a "chunk" are you talking about.

Jon Boyle: Kevin Bieksa is the one I'm talking about. Here is my offer right now. RJ Umberger, Jakub Voracek, 2nd round pick this year for Ryan Kesler and Kevin Bieksa.

*Dave Nonis thinks about it*

Jon Boyle: You don't need Bieksa right now with Ehrhoff, Edler, Ballard, Hamhuis, Salo, Alberts, Parent, Rome.

Dave Nonis: As much as I cant believe it but you got yourself a deal.​

 

[Taiter]

Fanatic Fan Goes Overboard

September 18th, 2010, the day before the pre-season action heats up for the NHL. Gary Bettman has been pronounced dead. He was driving his car en-route to go pick up groceries for his families 'get together dinner' next week. As Gary approached the stoplight, a 2007 black ford f-350 lifted with Ohio license plates heading the opposite way as Gary was, thus having the two cars going head on.

Slowly the light flickered from green, amber and finally red. Immediately as the light switched to red the f-350 engine revved up, few cars passed with the green light as normal traffic would. The truck waited, and waited for a gap in between traffic. Finally, there was no cars in sight going left or right. The black truck started to make skid-marks from his rear tires. With loud screeching noise, the truck moved forward at quite a high speed in such short distance. Drove head onto Gary Bettman's Mercedes. As the truck approached Bettman's car, it appeared as if the truck was slowly drifting right, could this be an angel from above protecting Gary? No, the driver lined up the tires on the driver side to were Gary was sitting in the drivers seat. Massive wheels started to climb the front bumper of the Mercedes, up and on the hood. Only in a wild imagination could you picture the face of Gary, practically having his eyes flash before him, in such short period of time could any person think of getting over into the passenger seat and out the door, could that even be possible. Shattering of the windshield, pieces flying every were. In matter of seconds the truck was past the car with the driver side all mushed in. Out comes a big, bulky man wearing a cowboy hat. As the driver approaches the smashed up windshield he leaves a letter "You don't take Columbus' hockey pride away". The drive fled from the scene, eventually caught due to a store surveillance camera.

What does this mean for the NHL? Could there be another lock out, who will replace as commissioner of the NHL? This is a day were some peoples disgusting, evil hopes come true and a day when people lose a loved one, feel that it was a business deal gone wrong.

Stay tuned to find out details of the next commissioner and what it means for the league.​

 

[Taiter]

Sakic the NHL's Brett Favre ?

Rumours have been swirling around that Burnaby Joe (Sakic) will in fact be returning to the NHL. No solid speculations have been correct, leaked information say hes coming out of retirement to play again, he will be a head coach, a general manager. Bob McKenzie of TSN has sat down with Joe and found out what him coming back to the NHL means.

After a long chat with Joe, TSN has learned that the NHL have contacted Joe about joining the NHL board. Sakic has been a long-time NHLPA member, after retirement he took a year off of hockey to be with his friends and family. Everyone of them could tell you that they could notice something missing in his life, that was in fact hockey. Hockey is an addiction to Joe, not a bad addiction but uniquely enough it's a healthy addiction. It's not putting his life in danger, it's doing the opposite. Sakic has taken time to weigh out the pro's and con's.

"It was a tough decision, a lot of pressure is on your shoulders. To be a commissioner of the NHL or any other league is an intense job. You have to somehow have an eye out for everything in every game. You look after players, referees, lines-mans, and everyone 'behind the scenes' to make the NHL function. Have to know when to hand out fines, suspensions and for how much and how long. I acknowledge the pressure and heavy duties of this job, but I gratefully accept this. My life is back to hockey, were it belongs. This also allows me to spend time with my close ones".​

 

[Taiter]

Green, Semin Hop On Plane, FAST!! Greeted By Jon Boyle

Mike Green and Alexander Semin trade in red and blue for black and orange. In what is a huge deal for the Milwaukee Monsters, but couldn't be said for the Capitals. Washington receives Nikita Filatov, Kris Russell and Kristian Huselius for Semin and Green.

"I was drawing up offers and thinking about gaining a top pairing defenseman that is offensive minded. We feel that a player like Mike Green will compliment Kevin Bieksa on our first units very nicely, and Bieksa will compliment Green as well. Its a win situation for our organization. We are sad to give up on the future of Nikita Filatov" Jon Boyle stated as he was preparing to meet Mike and Alex before taking them back to Milwaukee.​