TSD is no longer going to be TSD

[TSD]

TSY doesnt have the same ring to it does it?



So my mom revealed some things about her breakup with my father (adoptive) that kind of changes the whole game. like learning he was fucking the woman hes no married to before the were divorced.





Mother **** I sure am a winner when it comes to father figures. Im sory but I always have to believe my mom. she could be lying through her fucking teeth, but i have no choice. The woman who gave birth to me or the man who fathered me despite no biological connection. I choose the prior. My mom finally revealed to me the reason for their divorce and i feel like a fucking chump, sitting here being part of this mans life who fucked around on my mother, she never told me that to "save me" but i forced her into revealing why they divorced.





So as of tomorrow, i told this **** i want a meeting with him to tell me his side of the story, though no matter what he says im not believing him over my mother. its just a fucking courtesy to basically send him the **** off.



and i am changing my last fucking name to my maternal grandfathers last name, because i will never change that...**** divorces and shit are fucking tedious.

 

[whiteevo]

you need a hug big boy.



bri.....?

 

[supraman]

No more Dobbins?! But it always made me think of Harry Potter movies. I will be sad.

 

[winos5]

Sorry to hear that.

 

[howcho]

Change your last name to Schenectady. Yeah, that sounds good.

 

[LordKOTL]

When it comes to dealing with parents about issues like this--take everything with a grain of salt and realize that you can become better than the sum of your parts. I've dealt with a similar issue in the past. Just because they donated your genetic material doesn't mean they can be trusted on issues like this--they may lie to "protect" you in spite of you no needed protection, or they may lie because they don't want to break the already-shattered illusion they they are a saint to you. Take what they say with a grain of salt and ask yourself in the grand sheme of thing how much it really matters in your life NOW, and that for all the B.S. that happened you can and will be better than it.

 

[MassHavoc]

I thought you finally found the right man to marry.

 

[MassHavoc]

I forgot to mention. At the end of the day, you shouldn't believe either one of them. Only trust yourself and what you remember and how that affected you and what they did for you. If your father was good to you growing up, and a good dad, you can't always fault him for being a bad husband. And vice versa. Nothing they say should change what either of them have done to or for you in the past? If it's one thing I've learned from my own mother issues is that you can only lie to yourself about how your feeling as anything anyone else tells you is going to be self-serving.



This may still not change anything in this situation. But Maternal, Paternal, adopted, those are all just labels. You need to gather what both sides say and use it to help form your own opinion based on what you feel and what you remember. Neither of them may need to lie but everyone remembers things differently and at the end of the day someone can't make you remember different. What would you have done if your mom said that they divorced because she was screwing around on him? Would you have disowned your mother and kept the name? At the end of the day for better or worse everything that happened help make you who you are today no matter how different things were than how you remember them. It's always better to look forward to what you can now do as who you are, then to try to change who you are by digging up the past.

 

[TSD]

I forgot to mention. At the end of the day, you shouldn't believe either one of them. Only trust yourself and what you remember and how that affected you and what they did for you. If your father was good to you growing up, and a good dad, you can't always fault him for being a bad husband. And vice versa. Nothing they say should change what either of them have done to or for you in the past? If it's one thing I've learned from my own mother issues is that you can only lie to yourself about how your feeling as anything anyone else tells you is going to be self-serving.



This may still not change anything in this situation. But Maternal, Paternal, adopted, those are all just labels. You need to gather what both sides say and use it to help form your own opinion based on what you feel and what you remember. Neither of them may need to lie but everyone remembers things differently and at the end of the day someone can't make you remember different. What would you have done if your mom said that they divorced because she was screwing around on him? Would you have disowned your mother and kept the name? At the end of the day for better or worse everything that happened help make you who you are today no matter how different things were than how you remember them. It's always better to look forward to what you can now do as who you are, then to try to change who you are by digging up the past.

and with a sober mind in the morning, thats what im going with. Its better to chaulk it up as not my problem, the fact is someone is not going to tell the truth, and im not a human polygraph.

 

[MassHavoc]

Exactly. Just remember that everyone you know and love has been shitty to someone else in their life, but you will always get the good with the bad. I'm not saying you can't disown either one of them. But you have to come to whatever conclusion you do by yourself, not based one what someone else says, it has to feel right to you and make sense in the bigger scheme of things. Looking at it neutrally, if say you loved Obama, and someone told you Obama killed your favorite cartoon when you were little, would you just stop liking Obama or would you try to figure out more and fully wrap your head around the situation.

 

[BigPete]

You can be bitter and principled all you want, but ask yourself this: is it really worth it to have to deal with legally changing your name and then getting your coworkers and friends to understand why or remember to use the new name?



It sounds petty and short term and compared to your mental well being it takes a back seat, but it is still a huge inconvenience. Think about it. Also, you are the only person (outside your mom and stepdad) that have any clue where your last name comes from, unless you tell them the whole story.



If you plan to change your name though, I highly recommend you pick a random name that you like regardless of who it might be tired to historically or geneologically speaking.

 

[dlrob315]

Life isn't perfect, find somewhere deep down inside of you to get over it.



My pops was a Rolling Stone but my mom did not talk bad of him and did not blame him for everything he did. She took ownership of her bad decision because the signs were there in the first place and most times the signs are there but people choose to ignore them thinking things will change.



Keep hope alive!

 

[mikita's helmet]

My pops was a Rolling Stone

Mine was in The Temptations.



Ball of confusion...

 

[dlrob315]

Mine was in The Temptations.



Ball of confusion...

Was the Ball of confusion....just your imagination?

 

[Bringmepie]

You can be bitter and principled all you want, but ask yourself this: is it really worth it to have to deal with legally changing your name and then getting your coworkers and friends to understand why or remember to use the new name?



It sounds petty and short term and compared to your mental well being it takes a back seat, but it is still a huge inconvenience. Think about it. Also, you are the only person (outside your mom and stepdad) that have any clue where your last name comes from, unless you tell them the whole story.



If you plan to change your name though, I highly recommend you pick a random name that you like regardless of who it might be tired to historically or geneologically speaking.

I new a guy in college at NIU who legally changed his last name to "Cortland" after a town in DeKalb County. He had reason to hate his family so it was his way of divorcing the whole lot of them.



BTW, if you're looking for something unique, "Optimus Prime" and "Jesus Christ" are already taken. http://www.legalzoom.com/marriage-divorce-family-law/family-law-basics/most-outrageous-name-changes

 

[mikita's helmet]

Was the Ball of confusion....just your imagination?

Runnin' away with me!