Anno Catuli
World Series Dreaming
- Joined:
- Jun 3, 2011
- Posts:
- 1,265
- Liked Posts:
- 160
An old blog that I wrote, one from last year. It is one that I re-read after certain losses where I just feel heart sick. I figured I would share it with you guys, see what you think, because chances are you feel the same. Enjoy!
A Never Ending Love
Today, as I was starting my trek to Wrigley Field, the news broke that Chicago Cubs Manager Lou Piniella was going to officially retire at the end of the game. While he was already scheduled to retire at the end of the year, and many fans felt that he had already mentally retired at the end of the 2009 season, this was a massive surprise. I was convinced that Piniella would want to finish what he started, even if the year had gone horribly wrong, which is exactly what happened. Regardless of how poorly the Cubs were going this year, I never thought I would see him walk away from a job.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not blame him one bit for retiring 37 games earlier than expected. His reason for leaving is very noble, and I do not blame him one bit for leaving to be with his very ill mother. After all, as one of my friends on my friend page on Facebook said “Mothers are forever, teams come and go”. I was just hoping the Cubs would be able to send him off with a win. Unfortunately, that did not happen, and that is exactly where this blog takes me today.
As I sat there watching the Cubs get handed their *** for the 74th time on the season, depression finally set in. While I have long accepted this season to be a lost cause, a depression this strong hadn’t struck me since the 2003 choke job. There have been heart breaking seasons between then and now, such as: 2004 choke job down the stretch, 2006 embarrassment and the 2007 and 2008 sweeps. However, watching today’s game in person brought back all the pain, all the memories of years past. Watching the Braves score run after run, seeing our bullpen get beaten, bruised, abused and owned, I almost felt the way after game six in 2003. Only with all these other years of pain and misery added in.
After today’s game, and pretty much from the seventh inning on, for the first time in my life I asked myself why. I started to actually wonder why I sit through this year in and year out. I asked myself why I kept coming back to get my heart broken. Is there something wrong with me, am I addicted to pain? Do I enjoy having my heart broken all the time? I honestly had no answer to any of these questions, and they only continued as the Cubs went on to lose 16-5. Needless to say, this game got to me worse than any game had in a long time. A part of me thinks that this loss was harder to take, even though the season had been long over, than what took place seven years ago.
I know that may be very hard to believe, and I have a hard time figuring out just why that is the case. For one, that game killed our chances of going to the World Series for the first time in almost 60 years. You would think that watching the Cubs lose that game would be more heart breaking than yet another meaningless loss in a lost season. Perhaps, and this may be the real reason, this loss today reminds me of just how bad I felt back on that day. Why this loss reminds me of that one, I have no idea and likely never will. This game, for some reason, was different than almost any other loss I have witness all year, and in a long time.
As some of you may know, I have a massively large collection of songs written out of love, heartbreak and frustration for the Cubs. Today on the way home from the game, I listened to each and every song which would be labeled as negative. Perhaps that is part of what is wrong with me, when I am sad or down in the dumps, I like listening to music that fits my current mood. Today, that mood was depressing Cubs blues, and I had the music on hand that fit perfectly. This ultimate feeling of depression has likely been coming on for a while, as you can tell by my lack of blogs over the past month. I just have not had the motivation to write anything about the Cubs for the longest time. I feel as though I have let all of you down, even though I continued to post all the news that came up.
In a way, in my second full year of doing this site, I feel like two other Cub fans who have spent at least one full year chronicling a Cubs season. One would be Matt Liston, who famously made a documentary about the 2003 season (funny how everything keeps coming back to this). His documentary, called “Chasing October”, is a great movie which I feel is a must watch for all Cub fans, even though it had a poor ending, as we all know. The other fan, is Kevin Kaduk who, like Liston, quit his job to follow the Cubs for a year in the ugly season of 2006. His findings and writings can be found in his book “Wrigley World”. This is another must for Cub fans, as you follow his journey from game to game, and you live and die with him.
Granted, I have not taken things nearly as far as either of them. I will never make a movie, and while I would love to do so, I doubt I will ever write a book (though I do have a great idea for one that revolves around the Cubs). So I have not gone to the lengths that these two have in order to follow the Cubs, which is why I don’t do daily blogs even when I am in the best of spirits. But these two men have also helped me answer my questions of why.
While every year always ends in disappointing heartbreak (as if there were another kind), there is a reason why I keep coming back year in and year out. Not because I am addicted to pain and punishment (though I have not completely ruled that out), but because of something greater. I put myself through this annual heartbreak out of love. Every relationship (yes, we are in a relationship with the Cubs) is filled with ups and downs. Sadly, in this relationship there are a lot more downs than ups. I love the Chicago Cubs, and I know that one day they will win the World Series. When that day comes, and they return the love that I (and all of you) have shown them for the past 100 years, all this pain and heartbreak will have been worth going through. Sure, everything is based on faith, but when has that ever stopped anyone from believing in anything?
While our faith will fail from time to time, that candle will never be blown out completely. Our love and belief in the Cubs will waiver from time to time, but never end completely. When I think about the Cubs and our relationship with them, I am reminded by an old saying, slightly modified for this situation. “I love you Cubs, but right now I don’t like you too much.”
Keep the faith my friends. Through the good times and the bad. While you may question yourself and ask why, you all know the reason why you keep coming back for more. Thank you for listening to me clear my head and work my way through my own.
A Never Ending Love
Today, as I was starting my trek to Wrigley Field, the news broke that Chicago Cubs Manager Lou Piniella was going to officially retire at the end of the game. While he was already scheduled to retire at the end of the year, and many fans felt that he had already mentally retired at the end of the 2009 season, this was a massive surprise. I was convinced that Piniella would want to finish what he started, even if the year had gone horribly wrong, which is exactly what happened. Regardless of how poorly the Cubs were going this year, I never thought I would see him walk away from a job.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not blame him one bit for retiring 37 games earlier than expected. His reason for leaving is very noble, and I do not blame him one bit for leaving to be with his very ill mother. After all, as one of my friends on my friend page on Facebook said “Mothers are forever, teams come and go”. I was just hoping the Cubs would be able to send him off with a win. Unfortunately, that did not happen, and that is exactly where this blog takes me today.
As I sat there watching the Cubs get handed their *** for the 74th time on the season, depression finally set in. While I have long accepted this season to be a lost cause, a depression this strong hadn’t struck me since the 2003 choke job. There have been heart breaking seasons between then and now, such as: 2004 choke job down the stretch, 2006 embarrassment and the 2007 and 2008 sweeps. However, watching today’s game in person brought back all the pain, all the memories of years past. Watching the Braves score run after run, seeing our bullpen get beaten, bruised, abused and owned, I almost felt the way after game six in 2003. Only with all these other years of pain and misery added in.
After today’s game, and pretty much from the seventh inning on, for the first time in my life I asked myself why. I started to actually wonder why I sit through this year in and year out. I asked myself why I kept coming back to get my heart broken. Is there something wrong with me, am I addicted to pain? Do I enjoy having my heart broken all the time? I honestly had no answer to any of these questions, and they only continued as the Cubs went on to lose 16-5. Needless to say, this game got to me worse than any game had in a long time. A part of me thinks that this loss was harder to take, even though the season had been long over, than what took place seven years ago.
I know that may be very hard to believe, and I have a hard time figuring out just why that is the case. For one, that game killed our chances of going to the World Series for the first time in almost 60 years. You would think that watching the Cubs lose that game would be more heart breaking than yet another meaningless loss in a lost season. Perhaps, and this may be the real reason, this loss today reminds me of just how bad I felt back on that day. Why this loss reminds me of that one, I have no idea and likely never will. This game, for some reason, was different than almost any other loss I have witness all year, and in a long time.
As some of you may know, I have a massively large collection of songs written out of love, heartbreak and frustration for the Cubs. Today on the way home from the game, I listened to each and every song which would be labeled as negative. Perhaps that is part of what is wrong with me, when I am sad or down in the dumps, I like listening to music that fits my current mood. Today, that mood was depressing Cubs blues, and I had the music on hand that fit perfectly. This ultimate feeling of depression has likely been coming on for a while, as you can tell by my lack of blogs over the past month. I just have not had the motivation to write anything about the Cubs for the longest time. I feel as though I have let all of you down, even though I continued to post all the news that came up.
In a way, in my second full year of doing this site, I feel like two other Cub fans who have spent at least one full year chronicling a Cubs season. One would be Matt Liston, who famously made a documentary about the 2003 season (funny how everything keeps coming back to this). His documentary, called “Chasing October”, is a great movie which I feel is a must watch for all Cub fans, even though it had a poor ending, as we all know. The other fan, is Kevin Kaduk who, like Liston, quit his job to follow the Cubs for a year in the ugly season of 2006. His findings and writings can be found in his book “Wrigley World”. This is another must for Cub fans, as you follow his journey from game to game, and you live and die with him.
Granted, I have not taken things nearly as far as either of them. I will never make a movie, and while I would love to do so, I doubt I will ever write a book (though I do have a great idea for one that revolves around the Cubs). So I have not gone to the lengths that these two have in order to follow the Cubs, which is why I don’t do daily blogs even when I am in the best of spirits. But these two men have also helped me answer my questions of why.
While every year always ends in disappointing heartbreak (as if there were another kind), there is a reason why I keep coming back year in and year out. Not because I am addicted to pain and punishment (though I have not completely ruled that out), but because of something greater. I put myself through this annual heartbreak out of love. Every relationship (yes, we are in a relationship with the Cubs) is filled with ups and downs. Sadly, in this relationship there are a lot more downs than ups. I love the Chicago Cubs, and I know that one day they will win the World Series. When that day comes, and they return the love that I (and all of you) have shown them for the past 100 years, all this pain and heartbreak will have been worth going through. Sure, everything is based on faith, but when has that ever stopped anyone from believing in anything?
While our faith will fail from time to time, that candle will never be blown out completely. Our love and belief in the Cubs will waiver from time to time, but never end completely. When I think about the Cubs and our relationship with them, I am reminded by an old saying, slightly modified for this situation. “I love you Cubs, but right now I don’t like you too much.”
Keep the faith my friends. Through the good times and the bad. While you may question yourself and ask why, you all know the reason why you keep coming back for more. Thank you for listening to me clear my head and work my way through my own.
