How to murder two small dogs and get away with it?

[BaBaBlacksheep]

So my neighbor across the street is a sweet old widow. We've known her for almost 15 years now and she's almost family. However she happens to own two little dogs. And she happens to like to travel. And when she travels..... guess who gets the dogs? Her son who lives 15 minutes away? The animal hotels that are everywhere around us? Nope.... my sorry ass gets these two dogs about three weeks a year. No big deal right? I'm a dog guy! Love dogs... except for these two shit heads:

1. Shit head #1. Looks like a 10 pound cross between Gizmo and Tina Turner on a bad hair day. Sweet fat little dog. I'd like this dog except for one thing..... she snores worse than a 300 pound Bears fan after drinking a 12 pack and eating half a Lou's pizza. It's unreal, this dog can keep me awake from 3 rooms over. (literally)

2. Shit head #2. This thing looks like your typical small wiener dog. It plays with my dog and kids and does alright.... except no matter how hard I try to potty train this thing is pisses and shits DAILY in my house. Literally every fucking day. I've owned dogs my whole life and never had problems with that... but this thing is 4 years old and will not learn.

I tell my wife every time we can't do it again. And 4 months later guess who's back over? Because guess who's wife can't say no to the sweet old widow across the street? And to top it off.... the one who isn't potty trained.... the one I TRULY hate.... hops in bed with us every night. And I can't keep him in his crate because he whines even louder than the snoring one.

The only satisfaction I get is listening to his whining as I lock him in his crate when I leave for work during the day. :lol:

 

[Omeletpants]

Wasn't this a Twilight Zone episode?

 

[Fatman LOU]

So my neighbor across the street is a sweet old widow. We've known her for almost 15 years now and she's almost family. However she happens to own two little dogs. And she happens to like to travel. And when she travels..... guess who gets the dogs? Her son who lives 15 minutes away? The animal hotels that are everywhere around us? Nope.... my sorry ass gets these two dogs about three weeks a year. No big deal right? I'm a dog guy! Love dogs... except for these two shit heads:

1. Shit head #1. Looks like a 10 pound cross between Gizmo and Tina Turner on a bad hair day. Sweet fat little dog. I'd like this dog except for one thing..... she snores worse than a 300 pound Bears fan after drinking a 12 pack and eating half a Lou's pizza. It's unreal, this dog can keep me awake from 3 rooms over. (literally)

2. Shit head #2. This thing looks like your typical small wiener dog. It plays with my dog and kids and does alright.... except no matter how hard I try to potty train this thing is pisses and shits DAILY in my house. Literally every fucking day. I've owned dogs my whole life and never had problems with that... but this thing is 4 years old and will not learn.

I tell my wife every time we can't do it again. And 4 months later guess who's back over? Because guess who's wife can't say no to the sweet old widow across the street? And to top it off.... the one who isn't potty trained.... the one I TRULY hate.... hops in bed with us every night. And I can't keep him in his crate because he whines even louder than the snoring one.

The only satisfaction I get is listening to his whining as I lock him in his crate when I leave for work during the day. :lol:

I see a couple loop-holes here.
1. Grow a pair and tell the wife never again.
2.Put the crate in the garage.
Seriously;
You lock the dog in a crate all day and go to work????
I think you should tell that sweet old widow that and you might not ever have to deal with the dogs anymore.
Note to self..., never let this guy baby sit you're dog.

 

[BearFanJohn]

Gotta talk to you wife and the widow. If she has money to travel, she has money to board the dogs. Or, hire a dog sitter, which is what we do. Comes over 4-5 times per day, feeds them, plays with them, dogs don’t have any stress. Or, you become dog sitter and you, or a member of your family, goes over multiple tiles but the dogs never leave their own home. Again, no stress to them.

 

[BaBaBlacksheep]

I see a couple loop-holes here.
1. Grow a pair and tell the wife never again.
2.Put the crate in the garage.
Seriously;
You lock the dog in a crate all day and go to work????
I think you should tell that sweet old widow that and you might not ever have to deal with the dogs anymore.
Note to self..., never let this guy baby sit you're dog.

1. Impossible. I only have one after testicular cancer.
2. It's Texas and gets to hot to put the dog in a crate in the garage.
3. Lot's of people put their dogs in crates and leave them there all day. I do not. I work from home 80% of the time but have an office 10 minutes away I go into for a couple hours a week. Should have clarified that. (the whining comment was supposed to a a joke) The whole thing is a joke. I love my neighbor.... i just get frustrated at her asshole dogs some days. But I still take good care of them.

 

[Fatman LOU]

1. Impossible. I only have one after testicular cancer.
2. It's Texas and gets to hot to put the dog in a crate in the garage.
3. Lot's of people put their dogs in crates and leave them there all day. I do not. I work from home 80% of the time but have an office 10 minutes away I go into for a couple hours a week. Should have clarified that. (the whining comment was supposed to a a joke) The whole thing is a joke. I love my neighbor.... i just get frustrated at her asshole dogs some days. But I still take good care of them.

Good glad to hear. I hate when i see a dog tied up to a tree all day and night, especially here where we have brutal winters, pisses me off. Or hear of dogs in crates all day .
Just about a month or so ago an apartment caught fire and they found the a dog burned to death inside a locked crate. The owner was at work.
How do i know this? Because the dumb ***** works at the same place my wife does.

 

[BaBaBlacksheep]

Good glad to hear. I hate when i see a dog tied up to a tree all day and night, especially here where we have brutal winters, pisses me off. Or hear of dogs in crates all day .
Just about a month or so ago an apartment caught fire and they found the a dog burned to death inside a locked crate. The owner was at work.
How do i know this? Because the dumb ***** works at the same place my wife does.

Crate or not the dog was doomed regardless. But I hear ya. Summer is the problem down here. People leave their dogs out in 100+ degree heat all day.

 

[Hawkeye OG]

Good glad to hear. I hate when i see a dog tied up to a tree all day and night, especially here where we have brutal winters, pisses me off. Or hear of dogs in crates all day .
Just about a month or so ago an apartment caught fire and they found the a dog burned to death inside a locked crate. The owner was at work.
How do i know this? Because the dumb ***** works at the same place my wife does.

I kennel my dog all day. It's his safe space and doesn't mind it.

Fight me, Lou!

 

[Fatman LOU]

I kennel my dog all day. It's his safe space and doesn't mind it.

Fight me, Lou!

Kennel is fine, i'm sure the dog has enough space.
You don't want none of this " 4 once can of whoop ass !

 

[Novak]

I kennel my dog all day. It's his safe space and doesn't mind it.

Fight me, Lou!

You're a horrible, horrible person.

 

[Bearin' Down]

So my neighbor across the street is a sweet old widow. We've known her for almost 15 years now and she's almost family. However she happens to own two little dogs. And she happens to like to travel. And when she travels..... guess who gets the dogs? Her son who lives 15 minutes away? The animal hotels that are everywhere around us? Nope.... my sorry ass gets these two dogs about three weeks a year. No big deal right? I'm a dog guy! Love dogs... except for these two shit heads:

1. Shit head #1. Looks like a 10 pound cross between Gizmo and Tina Turner on a bad hair day. Sweet fat little dog. I'd like this dog except for one thing..... she snores worse than a 300 pound Bears fan after drinking a 12 pack and eating half a Lou's pizza. It's unreal, this dog can keep me awake from 3 rooms over. (literally)

2. Shit head #2. This thing looks like your typical small wiener dog. It plays with my dog and kids and does alright.... except no matter how hard I try to potty train this thing is pisses and shits DAILY in my house. Literally every fucking day. I've owned dogs my whole life and never had problems with that... but this thing is 4 years old and will not learn.

I tell my wife every time we can't do it again. And 4 months later guess who's back over? Because guess who's wife can't say no to the sweet old widow across the street? And to top it off.... the one who isn't potty trained.... the one I TRULY hate.... hops in bed with us every night. And I can't keep him in his crate because he whines even louder than the snoring one.

The only satisfaction I get is listening to his whining as I lock him in his crate when I leave for work during the day. [emoji38]

As a fellow bear fan in Texas, I may suggest your first step to getting away with it is to not post about it on a message board for the world to see soliciting tips on how to do it.

I think your best option is to either a) take the reins from your wife and walk over to the lady on your own before she approaches your wife and tell her no you can't anymore; or b) move.

 

[HeHateMe]

So my neighbor across the street is a sweet old widow. We've known her for almost 15 years now and she's almost family. However she happens to own two little dogs. And she happens to like to travel. And when she travels..... guess who gets the dogs? Her son who lives 15 minutes away? The animal hotels that are everywhere around us? Nope.... my sorry ass gets these two dogs about three weeks a year. No big deal right? I'm a dog guy! Love dogs... except for these two shit heads:

1. Shit head #1. Looks like a 10 pound cross between Gizmo and Tina Turner on a bad hair day. Sweet fat little dog. I'd like this dog except for one thing..... she snores worse than a 300 pound Bears fan after drinking a 12 pack and eating half a Lou's pizza. It's unreal, this dog can keep me awake from 3 rooms over. (literally)

2. Shit head #2. This thing looks like your typical small wiener dog. It plays with my dog and kids and does alright.... except no matter how hard I try to potty train this thing is pisses and shits DAILY in my house. Literally every fucking day. I've owned dogs my whole life and never had problems with that... but this thing is 4 years old and will not learn.

I tell my wife every time we can't do it again. And 4 months later guess who's back over? Because guess who's wife can't say no to the sweet old widow across the street? And to top it off.... the one who isn't potty trained.... the one I TRULY hate.... hops in bed with us every night. And I can't keep him in his crate because he whines even louder than the snoring one.

The only satisfaction I get is listening to his whining as I lock him in his crate when I leave for work during the day. :lol:

Simple. Invite Urblock over with his untrained, violent dog to murder your pesky neighbor's dogs and then have shots of Jose and get struck by lightning.

 

[clonetrooper264]

Simple. Invite Urblock over with his untrained, violent dog to murder your pesky neighbor's dogs and then have shots of Jose and get struck by lightning.

This seems like the easiest option

 

[Urblock]

Like your truck Lou. Still got it?
Rango has 1000 sq ft of the house to live and his big yard. Put him in a crate when he was young. Destroyed it in 2 days.

 

[HeHateMe]

Like your truck Lou. Still got it?
Rango has 1000 sq ft of the house to live and his big yard. Put him in a crate when he was young. Destroyed it in 2 days.

What the heck kind of crate?

 

[Urblock]

Simple. Invite Urblock over with his untrained, violent dog to murder your pesky neighbor's dogs and then have shots of Jose and get struck by lightning.

The problem with this is Rango likes dogs so he would probably kill BaBa

 

[Urblock]

What the heck kind of crate?

Metal bars. Would ram the door until it came open.

 

[HeHateMe]

Metal bars. Would ram the door until it came open.

Well that's just dumb.

 

[Xuder O'Clam]

Could explain rango's CTE.

 

[Ares]

Could explain rango's CTE.

Rango is the Aaron Hernandez of dogs