I need help being creative with a resume

[The Mule]

Wait, do people apply for jobs without cover letters? Because I feel like I've spent the past 4 years of my life (working multiple jobs and contracts for most of that time, and working a lot) drafting and editing cover letters. And if people are getting jobs without cover letters, jobs that pay decent amounts of money then I might as well just kill myself because I am failing at life way harder than I ever imagined. </p>


 </p>


Also, Jako, if you still need help please let me know because I am a cover letter expert. </p>

 

[The Count Dante]

Honestly, for me, cover letters are more fluff and actually I rarely use them. However, being a computer geek, no one cares about the fluff.</p>


 </p>


Do you know tech/product/app?</p>


How long have you used it?</p>


Prove it.</p>


 </p>


And after you get the job...</p>


Please attended the company hygiene and basic social human interaction seminars.</p>

 

[The Mule]

This news is breaking my heart!</p>


 </p>


Maybe this is regional, as well as career-specific, because it's so competitive where I live and a cover letter can be the difference maker.  If 3000 people are applying for a job then you need to stand out somehow because likely most of the other people have the same or similar qualifications. Also, a good cover letter can prove that you're not a complete idiot. And references of course will prove that you are not an unlikable jackass. </p>


 </p>


I should teach basic social human interaction seminars. I am an effing expert.</p>

 

[The Count Dante]

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Mulevery" data-cid="198074" data-time="1370023731">
<div>


This news is breaking my heart!</p>


 </p>


Maybe this is regional, as well as career-specific, because it's so competitive where I live and a cover letter can be the difference maker.  If 3000 people are applying for a job then you need to stand out somehow because likely most of the other people have the same or similar qualifications. Also, a good cover letter can prove that you're not a complete idiot. And references of course will prove that you are not an unlikable jackass. </p>


 </p>


I should teach basic social human interaction seminars. I am an effing expert.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>


 </p>


Entirely possible. The only time I ever used a cover letter is when I am contacting a specific person in a company that I want to work for.  I also attach one to a "thank you for the interview" emaill as a summary of who they met.</p>


 </p>


And even though I rarely use it? You can be DAMN sure it is ready to go in an instant so I absolutely keep it around.</p>

 

[jakobeast]

Most of the jobs I have had were cause of nepotism. Either a close friend or a friend of the family. Never really had a use for one. Also most of the jobs I have worked aren't exactly needing of one. </p>


 </p>


I made a cover letter and sent it with the resume. It was all online, and there was no contact info. I did get an email saying they received everything, but that is just an auto response. </p>


 </p>


So impersonal.</p>

 

[jakobeast]

Here is basically what I have for a cover letter</p>


 </p>
<div>Dear Sir/Madam:</div>
<div>Hello. My name is Shitbag McGee. I saw your job posting for the REDACTED worker and</div>
<div>I decided to apply. I feel I would be a great fit for the position and for REDACTED in general. I</div>
<div>am someone who takes great pride in their work. As someone who knows the job has to get done</div>
<div>when promised, I know the value of a good, hard worker.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>I have some experience with many of the requirements laid forth in your job posting. I have</div>
<div>trained with A BUSINESS pouring and setting concrete. As an independent contractor working</div>
<div>in the foreclosure field, I have worked with many townships and villages in regard to water turn</div>
<div>ons and repairs. I have used many tools for landscaping purposes, from chainsaws and trimmers</div>
<div>to snowplows and salt spreaders.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>I want to thank you for taking the time to read this and for your consideration. I know your</div>
<div>time is valuable. I plan on following up with you in the next week..</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Sincerely,</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Yer Ma</div>
<div> </div>
<div> </div>
<div> </div>
<div> </div>
<div> </div>
<div> </div>
<div> </div>
<div> </div>
<div>BTW, I changed some things.</div>

 

[BiscuitintheBasket]

Honestly, compared to many of the over the top cover letters I see, that is pretty succinct and gives a brief on you as a worker.</p>

 

[jakobeast]

That's the one thing I read.....keep it short and hit the points. Don't repeat your resume, and make it simple.</p>

 

[MassHavoc]

I would rewrite it so it is more assertive. You say I feel... I have some... just remove those words. Also, any redundancies. You don't need to them them for the time to read it, because you know they are reading it, so just thank them for their time. It's not a big deal but it keeps it compact and to the point. Below was just a quick smash and grab, i'm sure someone could polish it better.</p>


 </p>


 </p>


 </p>
<div>Hello. My name is Shitbag McGee. Attached you will find my resume in response to your job posting for the REDACTED worker position. I would be a great fit for the position and for REDACTED. I am someone who takes great pride in their work and understands the job has to get done when promised. I know the value of a good, hard worker.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>I have experience with many of the requirements laid forth in your job posting. I have trained with A BUSINESS pouring and setting concrete. As an independent contractor working in the foreclosure field, I have worked with many townships and villages in regard to water turn ons and repairs. I have used many tools for landscaping purposes, from chainsaws and trimmers to snowplows and salt spreaders.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>I thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.</div>

 

[jakobeast]

You're right. That does streamline it nicely. I will keep that in mind. I already sent it off. Boooo me.</p>

 

[The Count Dante]

<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">Hiring Agent Name, Title</span></span></p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">Company Name</span></span></p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">Address</span></span></p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">City, State Zip</span></span></p>


 </p>


 </p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">Dear Mr. Executive:</span></span></p>


 </p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">Perhaps you are currently in need of an efficient, enthusiastic Erotic Dancer. I would like to bring my experience and talents to work for your company.  I have listed a few of my accomplishments below.</span></span></p>


 </p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">            1.  Super sexy hot which resulted in a club revenue increase of $1000 per night.</span></span></p>


 </p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">            2.  While working with Japanese Executives, I provided new and interesting entertainment techniques which resulted in 7 new VIP passes.</span></span></p>


 </p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">            3.  Developed a functional alcoholic program which reduced internal in-house rehab programs by 23%. </span></span></p>


 </p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">            4.  Worked on an independant table dance offering which extended the product offering to a larger client base while still retaining the profits.</span></span></p>


 </p>


 </p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">I welcome a meeting to learn more about your needs and future plans. Please feel free to contact me via email: countedante@gmail.com, phone: 312 555-1234.</span></span></p>


 </p>


<span style="font-size:12pt;"><span style="font-family:'times new roman';">Thank you for your time and consideration.</span></span></p>


 </p>


Sincerely,</p>


 </p>


The Count Dante</p>

 

[MassHavoc]

When can you start?</p>

 

[jakobeast]

No shit. I would hire the Count.</p>

 

[The Count Dante]

<sub>

</sub></p>

 

[MassHavoc]

Still one of my favorite all time sketches... and it wouldn't have worked without either one of them. Too bad they both died before their time.</p>

 

[Ymono37]

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="The Count Dante" data-cid="198073" data-time="1370023430">
<div>


And after you get the job...</p>


Please attended the company hygiene and basic social human interaction seminars.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>


WHOA, WHOA, WHOA... don't scare the Jako!  He didn't need to know about this part yet...</p>


 </p>


Jako, did you try that deodorant I got you?  We're gonna make you a little less disgusting every day... </p>

 

[jakobeast]

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Ymono37" data-cid="199297" data-time="1370545143">
<div>


WHOA, WHOA, WHOA... don't scare the Jako!  He didn't need to know about this part yet...</p>


 </p>


Jako, did you try that deodorant I got you?  We're gonna make you a little less disgusting every day... </p>
</div>
</blockquote>


 </p>


WOW, NEAT!!!!</p>


 </p>


BTW I used you as a reference. So if you get a call, lie through your teeth and say Im a good worker.</p>

 

[Ymono37]

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jakobeast" data-cid="199487" data-time="1370616743">
<div>


WOW, NEAT!!!!</p>


 </p>


BTW I used you as a reference. So if you get a call, lie through your teeth and say Im a good worker.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>


You are seriously like the only person I can make more obscure Family Guy references and you totally get them.  For that, I thank you.  Also for that rockin' bod.</p>


 </p>


No worries, Sir - I'll lie like the rug I'll eventually end up getting to cover my balding head.</p>

 

[jakobeast]

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Ymono37" data-cid="199562" data-time="1370632604">
<div>


You are seriously like the only person I can make more obscure Family Guy references and you totally get them.  For that, I thank you.  Also for that rockin' bod.</p>


 </p>


No worries, Sir - I'll lie like the rug I'll eventually end up getting to cover my balding head.</p>
</div>
</blockquote>


 </p>


What can I say, I have nothing better to do then watch tv.</p>


 </p>


I say go hang out in a swamp. Get some moss to grow naturally on that dome.</p>