Loving a woman

[truthbedamned]

My kids know and always have that when it comes between them and mom, they lose every time.

Exactly the opposite for me and I have been married 40 years. Children come first....Always

 

[Warrior Spirit]

If you do it right you can have both....

:thinking:

I don't live in the south, man.

 

[Urblock]

I don't live in the south, man.

:lmao:

 

[Desperado34]

I love them all. I don't plan to marry one for another 10 years, but I am enjoying trying out different fruit now

 

[ruprecht]

uke:

 

[brett05]

Exactly the opposite for me and I have been married 40 years. Children come first....Always

Sorry to hear about your bad marriage. Glad you guys are sticking thru it

 

[brett05]

Disagree...Keeping a broken marriage together for the kids far beyond the "sell-by date" does far more psychological damage to a kid than it does if they split. I can testify to this not only because of personal experience as a kid in that situation, by my wife, who is a psychologist who deals with the fallout every. single. day. corroborates me on it.

If they can't fix their relationship for counseling or otherwise, it's time to split--for the kids' sake. The parents are not fooling anyone.

I can get you counselors that would disagree with you. I know plenty of kids that got messed-up because the "adults" split

 

[brett05]

The bond of blood is far greater than the bond of cum.

No.

 

[LordKOTL]

I can get you counselors that would disagree with you. I know plenty of kids that got messed-up because the "adults" split

I am sure you could. I know i can find psychologists that will say you psychologists are wrong, and vice-versa. To be fair though there's a difference between splitting up because you are to sefish and lazy to do what needs to be done to keep the relationship alive, and splitting up because you aren't compatible and the animosity festering between you both is thinly veiled or not at all...and your kids pick up on that.

 

[Warrior Spirit]

No.

For sure. If your kids aren't your top priority, you shouldn't have any.

 

[brett05]

I am sure you could. I know i can find psychologists that will say you psychologists are wrong, and vice-versa. To be fair though there's a difference between splitting up because you are to sefish and lazy to do what needs to be done to keep the relationship alive, and splitting up because you aren't compatible and the animosity festering between you both is thinly veiled or not at all...and your kids pick up on that.

I'd say that the parents are uneducated on what love and commitment really is.

 

[brett05]

For sure. If your kids aren't your top priority, you shouldn't have any.

I like many of your posts. Even some topics I disagree with I still enjoy. If kids are your top priority you've lost touch.

 

[Spunky Porkstacker]

I like many of your posts. Even some topics I disagree with I still enjoy. If kids are your top priority you've lost touch.

A lot of people would agree with Spartan.....kids first.

 

[R_Mac_1]

Abraham over here says children, not that big of a deal.

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

 

[SERE Bear]

Congrats on the 36 yrs.
This month is 20 years for us but Im pretty sure I developed Stockholm Syndrome around year 13.

 

[LordKOTL]

I'd say that the parents are uneducated on what love and commitment really is.

Sometimes people doesn't get married because of "love" or even "commitment". Sometimes they get married because of familial or peer pressure. Sometimes they get married because they got someone pregnant. Sometimes they get married because they settle for someone 'cause they don't want to be alone. Sometimes they just make a bad decision.

Even if those reasons are the wrong reason to get married, people still get married for those reasons, and when they do chances are either or both members of said marriage will develop resentment towards each other (which the kids will pick up on), and possibly towards the kids (which they subconsciously see them as the chain holding them to someone who makes them unhappy). It can be exacerbated further if one parent is a step-parent that doesn't have the "blood connection".

There comes a point in which "powering through for the kids' sake" does more damage than good. The kids pick up on the dynamic of the failed/failing marriage and how the couple interacts, and it stunts their perception of a healthy relationship since the parents are doing everything in their power to create the illusion of a healthy relationship when it's rotten to the core. It can also stunt the kids perception of their role/place in a healthy relationship, or the place of their partner in the relationship.

I.E. If the wife is verbally abusive towards the husband, and the husband is trying to be a "gentleman" in the relationship and doesn't confront her. Both decide they want to stay together "for the kids sake", but neither one of them are willing or able to alter their behavior, it can damage the kids: A son would see how his mother behaves towards his father as "normal" and with the lack of resistance to her behavior coming from his father, would think his role is to be 100% submissive and not stand up for himself. It would stunt his views of a relationship being a "good" thing and stunt his view of women and men in general. On the flipside, the daughter would see how her mother treats her father as "normal" and would think this is the appropriate way to treat a man, and since her father is doing nothing to dissuade this, it would appear to her that men are supposed to be dominated and and thus stunt her view of the dynamic of how a healthy relationship should work, which would affect how she sees men and women in general--not to mention affect all of her future relationships.

It does have to be said that every gender there can be reversed and the same applies.

Now, if the husband and wife split up, it would do a less damage to the kids since the child who shares the gender of the abuser would see that they can push someone too far and they can stand up for themselves and up and leave. The child that shares the gender of the abusee would see that it is okay to up and leave and that you don't have to be a doormat.

Anyhow, enough on this since it's taking away from the congrats Urblock deserves for 36 years.

 

[theOHIOSTATE!]

Any of you ever been in love where it takes over? 3 kids and 36 years. I'm still there. Would run thru fire for her. I'm so lucky to be able to spend my life with her. I may be drunk and headed her way. Will tell her about this wonderful thread when I get there.

[video=youtube_share;JXRN_LkCa_o]https://youtu.be/JXRN_LkCa_o[/video]

Does this answer your question?

Also, it's shocking to hear people put someone before their kids in life. I guess we all were raised differently. If and when I have children, and I hope to, they will always be #1 within reason.

If you can't do that, get that shit clipped imho.

 

[KittiesKorner]

I only beat my wife if she burns my croissanwiches

 

[truthbedamned]

Sorry to hear about your bad marriage. Glad you guys are sticking thru it

Never said it was a bad marriage. I come from a family where children were seen and not heard as well as ignored most of their lives. I swore that would never happen with my kids. I love my wife dearly. And she understands my thought process. Now that they are grown and raising their own families my focus is on my wife and our relationship. But from birth to 18.....the kids came first.

 

[Urblock]

I would save all of them but that's just what you have to do.