OT: Top 20 dumbest John Madden quotes (hilarious)

Mitchapalooza

Guest
http://thehonolulublue.wordpress.com/2010/08/16/dumbest-john-madden-quotes-of-all-time/

“Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they’re bigger than everybody else, and that’s what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”

1. “There’s a lot of letters in Ladanian Tomlinson”

2. “A team should never practice on a field that is not lined. Your players have to become aware of the field’s boundaries.”

3. “The best way to gain more yards is advance the ball down the field from the line of scrimmage.”

4. “If you lose your best cornerback and punter, I’d say that’s a double loss.”

5. “It’s 3rd and 20..They need a good play here.”

6. “See, well ya see, the thing is, he should have caught that ball. But the ball is bigger than his hands.”

7. “When you have great players, playing great, well that’s great football!”

8. “Ruben Brown made that play there….well I mean he missed the guy completley but he was able to create just enough room for Thomas Jones by whiffing. The air he created on the miss gave Jones enough space to score.”

9. “If the quarterback throws the ball in the endzone and the Wide Receiver catches it……. It’s a touchdown.”

10. “If this team doesn’t put points on the board I don’t see how they can win.”

11. “Whenever you talk about a Mike Shanahan offense, you’re always going to be talking about his offense.”

12. “Some yards is better than none yards?”

13. “Here’s a guy, here’s a guy who when he puts his contacts in, he can see better”

14. “Usually the team that scores the most points wins the game.”

15. “Mark Brunell usually likes to soak his balls before a rainy game.”

16. “When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to.”

17. “They’re either going to run the ball here or their going to pass it.” <-- lmao

18. “The Dallas Cowboys have 2 types of plays in their playbook. Passing plays, and running plays.”

19. “When its raining the field gets wet, then all of a sudden everyones running slower”
 

modo

Based
Donator
Joined:
Aug 21, 2012
Posts:
29,714
Liked Posts:
24,262
Location:
USA
I remember hearing 14 and 17 in the games I was watching
 

ijustposthere

Message Board Hero
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '20
Joined:
Aug 20, 2012
Posts:
33,988
Liked Posts:
26,148
Location:
Any-Town, USA
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago Cubs
  1. Chicago Bulls
  1. Chicago Bears
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
  1. Michigan Wolverines
  2. Purdue Boilermakers
LMAO, "where'd that truck come from?"

15 is fucking classic.
 

AustinIllini

Lifetime of futility
Joined:
Jul 2, 2013
Posts:
2,177
Liked Posts:
902
Location:
Austin
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago White Sox
  1. Chicago Bulls
  1. Chicago Bears
  1. Illinois Fighting Illini
And the funny thing is, when you listen to modern broadcasts, some haven't improved.
 

Madden

Well-known member
Joined:
Aug 31, 2012
Posts:
1,438
Liked Posts:
990
Madden is a legend.

Boom!

[video=youtube;Pg1H9PBwLp4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg1H9PBwLp4[/video]
 

airtime143

This place is dead and buried.
CCS Hall of Fame '21
Joined:
Aug 21, 2012
Posts:
14,989
Liked Posts:
14,787
One of my favorites was pertaining to a field goal, something along the lines of
"you see there, that was a double doinker. you know how the ball hits the uprights and makes the "doink" sound? well that there was a double doink."

A field goal had hit the upright then the crossbar and gone in. pretty neat play, outstanding commentary.


Madden also had the most disturbing and unsettling commentary complete with telestrator graphic during a dallas game....
He was talking about how much the offensive line of the cowboys was sweating- he freeze framed them, pointing out that their asses were soaking wet, and the sweat had soaked down the back of their legs, circling the darkened pants.
He then pointed out the guys who were working hardest, because the sweat stains had reached the back of their knees.
It was kinda creepy. that is a lot of thought put in to gigantic, sweat stained asses.
 

airtime143

This place is dead and buried.
CCS Hall of Fame '21
Joined:
Aug 21, 2012
Posts:
14,989
Liked Posts:
14,787
Madden is a legend.

Boom!

[video=youtube;Pg1H9PBwLp4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg1H9PBwLp4[/video]

I have a can of tinactin that has been in the cabinet for a few years, and I always say "BOOM! touch actin tinactin" when I see it in the cupboard.
 

Bearshomer

Well-known member
Joined:
Aug 20, 2012
Posts:
4,517
Liked Posts:
1,503
Most of those quotes aren't dumb.

Is that the best they can do after 25 years of Madden announcing games?
 

Newblood

Well-known member
Joined:
Aug 24, 2012
Posts:
10,360
Liked Posts:
7,075
Location:
S.L.Ut
Missed the good ole A-hole quote:

"He started in like, the uh, the "two" hole, bounced it all the way to the outside to the "A" hole, and then got it in the endzone"
 

Space Invader

Dorkchop
Joined:
Aug 21, 2012
Posts:
3,832
Liked Posts:
2,915
Location:
Somewhere away from fucktards.
[video=youtube;q1v52f1TrWg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1v52f1TrWg[/video]

frank Caliendo doing Madden. My fave.
 

Space Invader

Dorkchop
Joined:
Aug 21, 2012
Posts:
3,832
Liked Posts:
2,915
Location:
Somewhere away from fucktards.
[video=youtube;JKkpyRo4n0o]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKkpyRo4n0o[/video]
 

KittiesKorner

CCS Donator
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '20
Joined:
Jan 4, 2011
Posts:
47,665
Liked Posts:
36,608
Location:
Chicago
how unfunny is Rob Riggle?


(Answer: very)

And MadTV, at least in its early days, was everything SNL wishes it could be
 

Top