dentfan
No gods! No Masters!
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This mock draft is based on Todd McShay’s newest mock draft that came out and should have been an April fool and shows Washington grabbing Mond in the 2nd. More and more, especially within the context of San Fran jumping to number 3, I’m thinking it’s going to be a feeding frenzy of QBs in this draft with them going at least a round or two too high.
I’m putting trades in. I’m trying to really mimic the Pace method of hopping around.
First off, we Trade our 20 and a sixth for Jax’s 25th and their first second and they grab Teven Jenkins. Jacob Infante cries. Urban Meyer raises his glass and middle finger to everyone as they were drafting Tackles and QBs and he takes arguably the best off of the board. They have the luxury of taking the best QB and the best T off the board. Bears fans boo. Why Pace? Why? He slams their tears like tequila at closing time, and they’re just as inebriating. Fleeced! He then drafts a WR.
25.) Elijah Moore WR, Ole Miss
Right before this pick, a whole crew of Bears fans, who have never seen him play or watch his tape, begin demanding to the football gods that Trask be taken. They will cry out in suffering, soon, because Minnesota pulls a Green Bay and jumps back into the 1st with a trade with Tampa Bay to 32 and grabs Davis Mills.
Bears fans scream that we now need to recreate the past and party like it’s 1999 and take Cade McNown, I mean Trask. Pace’s face has the same expression as when he signed Andy “frickin’” Dalton. He knows that he potentially has the next Antonio Brown, without the headcase and potentially more talent. This is a guy that coaches got on the field while he was a true freshman with two future NFL All pros and he produced! Pundits will say we overdrafted him. Yet, this is the guy that lit up Alabama! Catch the ball. Get a first down. Hand to referee. Repeat.
The same Bears fans who cyber stalk Dalton and booed him and his family at the basketball game last week, foam at the mouth because they want a benchwarmer from Florida who threw to a potential future HOF in Pitts or that nevergonnabe from Stanford that Minnesota will move up and snatch. By the way, dem talkin’ heads at ESPN are gonna be oozing all over Minnie for stealing our guy and for Pittsburgh, Washington, and Chicago for losing their QB of the future.
Tampa has Minnesota’s first rounder for next year plus one of their 3rds from this, and they don’t give a fuck. They know they’ll get their guy then with this failure of a franchise’s top 5 pick.
5 QBs and 5 WRs go off the board before we pick, with 6 in the first round, and we take the one that may be the biggest star of the bunch instead of QB7.
33.) (from Jacksonville) Samuel Cosmi T, Texas
He falls because of his run blocking. He's considered too slender. He lacks strength. He’s not a swing tackle and never going to be. Blah blah blah. He pass blocks. He beats out Leno in camp, and we trade him and his contract for a 3rd because even mediocre LTs like Leno are worth something to someone.
As an aside, Walter Football was sort of right, and the Patriots chum the water by taking Jamie Newman at 46. As the boys at the NFL network and ESPN dance on Bellicheck's nuts, there’s blood in the water, and the CCS Message board lights up like the day we signed Dalton. Every chicken little is screaming to grab Trask like the sky is falling like their grampa’s nuts.
50.) (from Miami) Kellen Mond QB, Texas A&M
We trade our 3rd, next year’s 2nd, and a 6th for Miami’s 50th and a 7th. He is a kid that was a 5-star recruit that realized that he couldn’t play in the SEC on his talent alone and improved every year. He recreated himself through coaching and will improve further in the pros. He has mr. mediocre himself Dalton to help him on his game.
52.) Caleb Farley CB, VT
WFT snags Trask right before this pick. We grab Farley. Pace is Fleeced again, just like JJ in the 2nd, last year. Some Bears fans begin to put the razor down. Wait a second, they think, how did Farley fall to us in the 2nd? That’s the CB that a lot of sites have rated as #1 overall. And, they see that he had back surgery, had some injuries, and sat out and so he fell in the year of no combine. We have the luxury of a vet so he is eased in and we end up with the most dangerous backfield in football. Action Jax returns!
The rest of the Bear fans get even louder and are screaming for blood. Trask! Five or six fire Pace threads begin all saying that he failed because he didn’t draft Trask. As an aside, Pittsburgh drafts another big dude with a big arm and the kind of touch when he throws like a teenage boy on prom night in Feleipe Franks.
164.) Malcolm Koonce LB, Buffalo
While da beloved were doing their good ole nepotism last year and checked out lil’ Mack, they stumbled on this guy. They were like, holy shit! Pace gets his small school guy, and he turns out to be even more talented than we thought, hits the rotation early, and becomes a starting LB by the end of the year. He morphs into the kind of LB that can play all 4 spots and rush. Meanwhile, everyone is like, Pace overdrafted him. Nah man, this guy is climbing up draft boards. Pace likes pass rushers in the 5th or later. He gets a gem with Koonce.
6th.) Ta’Quon Graham DT, Texas -- Bears fans are divided. They really want him to draft a DB or a T. Instead, he snags this ridiculously athletic DT that fell into the 6th. The D line rotation starts to look sick!
6th.) Ben Mason FB/HB/UTE, Michigan
The madman. The legend. This motherfucker’s crazy, yeah, like a fox. He is working on all the little things he needs to do to be the swiss army knife move TE/FB role that he would be. He is also excellent on ST.
7th.) (from Miami) Jalen Camp WR, Georgia Tech
This guy is the 7th round WR flier that Pace loves to take. He has a ridiculous Relative Athletic Score. He is the kind of guy you take in the 7th. He pushes Wims off of the roster.
Notable UDFA’s:
Miller Forristall TE, Alabama – the blocking TE that Pace thought he got from he who should never be named or on our team from KC last year.
Chris Evans RB, Michigan – He’s a hard-working fucking idiot. We get him and he helps ease Williams off of the team next year when his one year contract runs out.
I’m putting trades in. I’m trying to really mimic the Pace method of hopping around.
First off, we Trade our 20 and a sixth for Jax’s 25th and their first second and they grab Teven Jenkins. Jacob Infante cries. Urban Meyer raises his glass and middle finger to everyone as they were drafting Tackles and QBs and he takes arguably the best off of the board. They have the luxury of taking the best QB and the best T off the board. Bears fans boo. Why Pace? Why? He slams their tears like tequila at closing time, and they’re just as inebriating. Fleeced! He then drafts a WR.
25.) Elijah Moore WR, Ole Miss
Right before this pick, a whole crew of Bears fans, who have never seen him play or watch his tape, begin demanding to the football gods that Trask be taken. They will cry out in suffering, soon, because Minnesota pulls a Green Bay and jumps back into the 1st with a trade with Tampa Bay to 32 and grabs Davis Mills.
Bears fans scream that we now need to recreate the past and party like it’s 1999 and take Cade McNown, I mean Trask. Pace’s face has the same expression as when he signed Andy “frickin’” Dalton. He knows that he potentially has the next Antonio Brown, without the headcase and potentially more talent. This is a guy that coaches got on the field while he was a true freshman with two future NFL All pros and he produced! Pundits will say we overdrafted him. Yet, this is the guy that lit up Alabama! Catch the ball. Get a first down. Hand to referee. Repeat.
The same Bears fans who cyber stalk Dalton and booed him and his family at the basketball game last week, foam at the mouth because they want a benchwarmer from Florida who threw to a potential future HOF in Pitts or that nevergonnabe from Stanford that Minnesota will move up and snatch. By the way, dem talkin’ heads at ESPN are gonna be oozing all over Minnie for stealing our guy and for Pittsburgh, Washington, and Chicago for losing their QB of the future.
Tampa has Minnesota’s first rounder for next year plus one of their 3rds from this, and they don’t give a fuck. They know they’ll get their guy then with this failure of a franchise’s top 5 pick.
5 QBs and 5 WRs go off the board before we pick, with 6 in the first round, and we take the one that may be the biggest star of the bunch instead of QB7.
33.) (from Jacksonville) Samuel Cosmi T, Texas
He falls because of his run blocking. He's considered too slender. He lacks strength. He’s not a swing tackle and never going to be. Blah blah blah. He pass blocks. He beats out Leno in camp, and we trade him and his contract for a 3rd because even mediocre LTs like Leno are worth something to someone.
As an aside, Walter Football was sort of right, and the Patriots chum the water by taking Jamie Newman at 46. As the boys at the NFL network and ESPN dance on Bellicheck's nuts, there’s blood in the water, and the CCS Message board lights up like the day we signed Dalton. Every chicken little is screaming to grab Trask like the sky is falling like their grampa’s nuts.
50.) (from Miami) Kellen Mond QB, Texas A&M
We trade our 3rd, next year’s 2nd, and a 6th for Miami’s 50th and a 7th. He is a kid that was a 5-star recruit that realized that he couldn’t play in the SEC on his talent alone and improved every year. He recreated himself through coaching and will improve further in the pros. He has mr. mediocre himself Dalton to help him on his game.
52.) Caleb Farley CB, VT
WFT snags Trask right before this pick. We grab Farley. Pace is Fleeced again, just like JJ in the 2nd, last year. Some Bears fans begin to put the razor down. Wait a second, they think, how did Farley fall to us in the 2nd? That’s the CB that a lot of sites have rated as #1 overall. And, they see that he had back surgery, had some injuries, and sat out and so he fell in the year of no combine. We have the luxury of a vet so he is eased in and we end up with the most dangerous backfield in football. Action Jax returns!
The rest of the Bear fans get even louder and are screaming for blood. Trask! Five or six fire Pace threads begin all saying that he failed because he didn’t draft Trask. As an aside, Pittsburgh drafts another big dude with a big arm and the kind of touch when he throws like a teenage boy on prom night in Feleipe Franks.
164.) Malcolm Koonce LB, Buffalo
While da beloved were doing their good ole nepotism last year and checked out lil’ Mack, they stumbled on this guy. They were like, holy shit! Pace gets his small school guy, and he turns out to be even more talented than we thought, hits the rotation early, and becomes a starting LB by the end of the year. He morphs into the kind of LB that can play all 4 spots and rush. Meanwhile, everyone is like, Pace overdrafted him. Nah man, this guy is climbing up draft boards. Pace likes pass rushers in the 5th or later. He gets a gem with Koonce.
6th.) Ta’Quon Graham DT, Texas -- Bears fans are divided. They really want him to draft a DB or a T. Instead, he snags this ridiculously athletic DT that fell into the 6th. The D line rotation starts to look sick!
6th.) Ben Mason FB/HB/UTE, Michigan
The madman. The legend. This motherfucker’s crazy, yeah, like a fox. He is working on all the little things he needs to do to be the swiss army knife move TE/FB role that he would be. He is also excellent on ST.
7th.) (from Miami) Jalen Camp WR, Georgia Tech
This guy is the 7th round WR flier that Pace loves to take. He has a ridiculous Relative Athletic Score. He is the kind of guy you take in the 7th. He pushes Wims off of the roster.
Notable UDFA’s:
Miller Forristall TE, Alabama – the blocking TE that Pace thought he got from he who should never be named or on our team from KC last year.
Chris Evans RB, Michigan – He’s a hard-working fucking idiot. We get him and he helps ease Williams off of the team next year when his one year contract runs out.
