This is probably for the couch by my fury required a new thread.

[EbonyRaptor]

So to get the facts straight - your brother is homeless and an alcoholic and he has hassled/threatened your mom. Your biological father has shown up out of the blue wanting to reconcile with you and your brother and your mom thinks you (and your brother) should give him a fair hairing.



If I've got that correct, the first thing I have to say is wow, that is one tough situation you find yourself in.



As you've stated, your main concern is your mom's safety and well being. Your mom must be so conflicted with this. As a parent, it's nearly impossible to turn away from your child. Even if you don't like the person they've become, there's still something deep inside that won't stop caring about them. Just a crazy thought - do you think maybe your mom contacted your biological father with the idea that it might help you and your brother to reconcile - even if it's uniting in a common hatred of your father? The reason I ask that question is because the last thing my dad told me on his deathbed was that my mom told him before she died to make sure the boys (my three brothers and me) stayed close. It meant so much to her to know that her sons would still be a family. It's like a parental involunteery instinct.



Your mom may be afraid of what your brother may do when he's drunk or whatever, and I don't doubt that he's the way you describe and not worthy of receiving any kind of break from you, but talk to your mom and read between the lines to see if she really is more concerned that you and your brother hate each other than she is for her own safety. I could be totally wrong but I encourage you to consider the possibilty because I think you want whats best for your mom and it may mean more to her than you think. I don't envy you in the position you're in but I feel really bad for your mom. Her heart must be breaking.



Good luck. Try not to let your anger rule your thoughts.

 

[Kerfuffle]

my brothers a douchebag and back on the streets. Now more bullshit has boiled over from this I dont want to deal with. My fucking illegitimate biological fathers wife messaged me on facebook (my mom called his sister and I dont know how this happened, it came out of the blue I havent spoken to that asshat in 18 years).



She tells me how he wants to have counseling sessions with me and my brother and repair the relationship. She kept talking about jesus and God, and how "God" wants us to be a family. I responded to her with a profanity laced tirade.



I dont need nor want this shit, my brother is dead to me and so is the son of a ***** that spawned both of us.





She messaged me again about how, my "father" needs a chance to explain his side of the story, I didnt resort to cursing her out, I told her how it is, I lived that motherfuckers side of the story, I dont need to hear it.

Lot of anger here and understandably so. Have you ever thought about taking the opportunity to sit down with your dad (Larry) and just look him in the eyes and ask 'why did you leave/abandon us?' I know there's no answer he could give to explain his actions but you could also take that opportunity to let him know how much he hurt your family.

 

[TSD]

Lot of anger here and understandably so. Have you ever thought about taking the opportunity to sit down with your dad (Larry) and just look him in the eyes and ask 'why did you leave/abandon us?' I know there's no answer he could give to explain his actions but you could also take that opportunity to let him know how much he hurt your family.

Nope. I remember what kind of man he was and I don't who he claims to have become. Whatever excuse comes out of his mouth will go in one ear and out the other for me.



The fact his wife said "Let him tell his side of the story" as if someone has been lying to me about him. Experiences cant lie. As I mentioned when we were younger my brother and good old pops were good buddies, and they would gang up on me alot of the time antagonizing me. Theres no excuse for that. He probably doesnt even think I remember that stuff. Hell for me when it came time for him to be out of the picture I wanted him to want to be my father, just to prove to myself he felt something, but when he showed he didnt, I felt free.



I just dont like how he wants to somehow suck me into this shit with my brother. I want no part of it and will take no part in it. I never liked my brother he was always an asshat, and thats mostly do to his father, they were two peas in a pod, then when he bailed on him all hell broke loose with my brother, and I have never once heard my brother say anything bad about him, he blames my mom for their divorce and him leaving. Shit I dont care if she kicked his ass out of the house, I dont even know the details behind their divorce. The guy is a terrible human being so I wouldnt blame her.



I know some people dont understand, my brother and my sperm donor have wronged me so much in my life, there is no way I would ever, ever forgive them, there is no longer any emotional attachment aside from hatred when shit like this gets pulled. If someone told me tomorrow we could all go to counselling, hug it out and live happily ever after, I still wouldnt do it. My Dad who has been there for the last 17 years of my life went through the same shit, his dad bailed on him when he was a kid, and told him to **** himself when he decides to come around when he was an adult.

 

[EbonyRaptor]

Nope. I remember what kind of man he was and I don't who he claims to have become. Whatever excuse comes out of his mouth will go in one ear and out the other for me.



The fact his wife said "Let him tell his side of the story" as if someone has been lying to me about him. Experiences cant lie. As I mentioned when we were younger my brother and good old pops were good buddies, and they would gang up on me alot of the time antagonizing me. Theres no excuse for that. He probably doesnt even think I remember that stuff. Hell for me when it came time for him to be out of the picture I wanted him to want to be my father, just to prove to myself he felt something, but when he showed he didnt, I felt free.



I just dont like how he wants to somehow suck me into this shit with my brother. I want no part of it and will take no part in it. I never liked my brother he was always an asshat, and thats mostly do to his father, they were two peas in a pod, then when he bailed on him all hell broke loose with my brother, and I have never once heard my brother say anything bad about him, he blames my mom for their divorce and him leaving. Shit I dont care if she kicked his ass out of the house, I dont even know the details behind their divorce. The guy is a terrible human being so I wouldnt blame her.



I know some people dont understand, my brother and my sperm donor have wronged me so much in my life, there is no way I would ever, ever forgive them, there is no longer any emotional attachment aside from hatred when shit like this gets pulled. If someone told me tomorrow we could all go to counselling, hug it out and live happily ever after, I still wouldnt do it. My Dad who has been there for the last 17 years of my life went through the same shit, his dad bailed on him when he was a kid, and told him to **** himself when he decides to come around when he was an adult.

I don't doubt anything you've written about your biological father and brother - why would I? But I know that the anger you have is affecting you more than them. Forget about them for a moment - this is about you. It takes a deeper reservoir of strength to forgive than to hold on to anger. The anger you won't let go of will hurt you in the long run more than your brother or biological father. To forgive someone doesn't mean you exonerate them. To forgive them allows you to rise above the position you're currently in. It seems to me that they don't deserve forgiveness, but it also seems to me that you deserve to be free of that millstone you carry.



I hope you don't think I'm preaching at you or that I think I have all the answers - I don't. But I do have some personal experience with my dad leaving my brothers and I at a young age and I was pretty angry at him for a long time. Eventually I came to see that he was just a man with weaknesses (drinking and womanizing) that he didn't have the willpower to control. He hurt my mom emotionally that I don't think she ever got over. It still breaks my heart to think of it.



Your anger doesn't have to control you. You can turn it around and control it. You may never like your father or even never talk to him. But in your heart you can forgive him for being a weak man, You'll be stronger if you do.

 

[bri]

You poor thing. That is so much to carry around. It is amazing you came out of it with your sanity. You could have let your life go in a totally different direction, but you managed to hold it together and establish a decent life for yourself and become a responsible, productive individual. You should be so proud of that. And if anyone judges you for your decisions, they need to spend some time in your shoes and experience it through your eyes.

 

[Kerfuffle]

How you managed to stay 'sane' through all that is pretty amazing. I think some may have lost it had those circumstances happened to them. I can see myself going postal if I had grown up with that. People tell me sometimes that the military is good to get out those aggressions - my roommate in college was a vet from a fucked up family - he thought the military helped him. Not sure if you would feel the same.

 

[BlackHawkPaul]

Keep your business off of Facebook in this manner (and many other). Even snarky PMs. I agree with Jako on this. It's one thing to chat with us about some things, but if something happens to your brother that you're not directly involved in-- the authorities will have a field day reading those facebook posts.

For the most part, a large part of my social networking is to promote my filmmaking.

Your issue seems like it needs to be quelled and well thought out by you before anything unfortunate happens by any party.

 

[LordKOTL]

Further proof that family means all of jack and shit--it's not whether or not you share a blood type or a few genes, but how you act and treat one another. No one should have to take the kind of shit you did and just shrug it off because "we're family", and if someone tells you otherwise they're really giving you the full fist.



The choice was yours. If they can't respect it to hell with them.

 

[TSD]

Keep your business off of Facebook in this manner (and many other). Even snarky PMs. I agree with Jako on this. It's one thing to chat with us about some things, but if something happens to your brother that you're not directly involved in-- the authorities will have a field day reading those facebook posts.

For the most part, a large part of my social networking is to promote my filmmaking.

Your issue seems like it needs to be quelled and well thought out by you before anything unfortunate happens by any party.

Yeah I thought about that the next day. All of the wall posts got deleted. He deleted them, I dont think he wanted any future baby mommas seeing what a tool box he is. The chat messages are still there though. My car has a gps tracking thing on it, if my brother ever got put on ice, they would see I most likely wasnt within 30 miles of him at the time of the incident and whether I took public transportation could be tracked. I suppose this is a lesson in circumstantial evidence.

 

[MassHavoc]

Yeah I thought about that the next day. All of the wall posts got deleted. He deleted them, I dont think he wanted any future baby mommas seeing what a tool box he is. The chat messages are still there though. My car has a gps tracking thing on it, if my brother ever got put on ice, they would see I most likely wasnt within 30 miles of him at the time of the incident and whether I took public transportation could be tracked. I suppose this is a lesson in circumstantial evidence.

Just a couple of points that aren't really adding anything, facebook doesn't really ever let any info go. Even if you delete it that just means it's not viewable, not gone. Also, if stay logged in while browsing, they are tracking you through a lot of different sites, even if you have some of their security features blocked, they are still tracking you on a lot of sites that have build in facebook feedback sections and things of that nature. So the site gets pinged. There is really no way around it if you have an account, google does a lot of shady stuff too with your gmail account and google searches. Anyway, I bring this up because if you are posting stuff like that (the new cybercrimes units that are popping up everywhere focused on social networking to catch criminals) and you got to certain shady sites that somehow have facebook integrated into them, you may be only further mounting that circumstantial evidence. I'm sure you know all this, but Facebook really is a *****, they track you everywhere.



2nd, again I'm sure you know this, but if you really do think he has mental problems, you could talk to someone at the mental health facilities and figure out a way to arrange a meeting, whether you have to trick him into thinking the doctor is just a friend or whatever. The doctor has the ability to hold anyone (as is my understanding) for a 72 involuntary evaluation should they think that they might be of harm to themselves or others. I only mention this because it may be the only way to get him some much needed help. I say trick him because I believe you have said in the past that he seems to fly straight around others but when the light isn't shining on him he reverts to himself. If you could arrange to meet him at a public place with a doctor who you could say is a friend, or lawyer, or bartender, I don't know. It might be the only way. The main reason I say that this might be worth another effort is that it would be good to get something officially on record with doctors if there isn't already, instead of just cook county, which they presume all people are guilty/crazy.

 

[TSD]

Just a couple of points that aren't really adding anything, facebook doesn't really ever let any info go. Even if you delete it that just means it's not viewable, not gone. Also, if stay logged in while browsing, they are tracking you through a lot of different sites, even if you have some of their security features blocked, they are still tracking you on a lot of sites that have build in facebook feedback sections and things of that nature. So the site gets pinged. There is really no way around it if you have an account, google does a lot of shady stuff too with your gmail account and google searches. Anyway, I bring this up because if you are posting stuff like that (the new cybercrimes units that are popping up everywhere focused on social networking to catch criminals) and you got to certain shady sites that somehow have facebook integrated into them, you may be only further mounting that circumstantial evidence. I'm sure you know all this, but Facebook really is a *****, they track you everywhere.



2nd, again I'm sure you know this, but if you really do think he has mental problems, you could talk to someone at the mental health facilities and figure out a way to arrange a meeting, whether you have to trick him into thinking the doctor is just a friend or whatever. The doctor has the ability to hold anyone (as is my understanding) for a 72 involuntary evaluation should they think that they might be of harm to themselves or others. I only mention this because it may be the only way to get him some much needed help. I say trick him because I believe you have said in the past that he seems to fly straight around others but when the light isn't shining on him he reverts to himself. If you could arrange to meet him at a public place with a doctor who you could say is a friend, or lawyer, or bartender, I don't know. It might be the only way. The main reason I say that this might be worth another effort is that it would be good to get something officially on record with doctors if there isn't already, instead of just cook county, which they presume all people are guilty/crazy.

Its been done, to numerous places throughout his teens and early 20's. They all said there is nothing wrong with him.

 

[dlrob315]

It's obvious you are reaching out for help!



You should reach out and get some counseling for yourself. You need help on how to cope with your own life, you need to learn how to be selfish (in a good way) to take care of yourself and your own mental state.



Your mom is an enabler and she has to fix that problem on her own, it would be nice if you could help her but based on what we are hearing from you, you can't do it!



Every time you run to your mom's rescue, you empower her to carry on the craziness with your brother. You are enabling your mom and she is enabling your brother!



Get help on how to ignore their madness and get help with your own issues!



Good luck!

 

[MassHavoc]

Its been done, to numerous places throughout his teens and early 20's. They all said there is nothing wrong with him.

Yeah, I know you had mentioned that, which is why I thought if you could find a way to get him evaluated in his "natural habitat" if you will, instead of giving him time to prepare. I thought that may help. But again at the same time if he's been through them all already with a clean bill of health your going to have a hard time getting someone to go out of their way to get a good evaluation of his mental health. It's a catch 22 I guess. Get a good video camera document everything. And most importantly, you have to be cival, be the bigger man no matter how hard it is. If you reciprocate his behavior with the same kind of behavior, you are 1.) only giving him what he wants, 2.) making things worse 3.) becoming as liable for his actions.