Who here manages people?

[botfly10]

it really is bizarre how omelet has constructed a fake life on here. I know we all **** around, but dude has full on created an alternate identity

 

[Spunky Porkstacker]

it really is bizarre how omelet has constructed a fake life on here. I know we all **** around, but dude has full on created an alternate identity

How can you be sure it's an alternate identity?

 

[Ares]

How can you be sure it's an alternate identity?

Because no one with the wealth he claims to have would live in Elgin and spend 20 hours a day posting on CCS.

 

[Omeletpants]

Elgin rocks. Biggest house in Kane County is in Elgin, tons of people with net worth of $10m-80M just in my neighborhood. Wake up, this ain't your father's Elgin

 

[Xuder O'Clam]

Elgin rocks. Biggest house in Kane County is in Elgin, tons of people with net worth of $19m-80M just in my neighborhood. Wake up, this ain't your father's Elgin

What's the old line? "So f***ing shallow, he has to reach up to scratch a pregnant snake's belly."

 

[Rory Sparrow]

Elgin rocks. Biggest house in Kane County is in Elgin, tons of people with net worth of $10m-80M just in my neighborhood. Wake up, this ain't your father's Elgin

View attachment 1831

You know Elgin is a big deal when:

In "Unearthed", an episode of the television series Prison Break, Dr. Sara Tancredi stayed at a motel in Elgin.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

I've got this one guy who is a decent salesman, but when he is on down time all he does is pull pranks on another guy. He put his stuff in jello one time, he moves his things, put his wallet in the vending machine, stuff like that. Not that this other guy is the greatest, he's also a farmer and brings in all of these different types of weapons into the office.

 

[Omeletpants]

Ya'll be jelly!!!!!

 

[Ares]

I've got this one guy who is a decent salesman, but when he is on down time all he does is pull pranks on another guy. He put his stuff in jello one time, he moves his things, put his wallet in the vending machine, stuff like that. Not that this other guy is the greatest, he's also a farmer and brings in all of these different types of weapons into the office.

What kind of bear, is best?

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

What kind of bear, is best?

Bears, beats, Battlestar Gallactica.

 

[Xuder O'Clam]

Ya'll be jelly!!!!!

Nobody wants to meet you at Denny's, so your efforts at impressing the younger guys here are pointless.

 

[Rory Sparrow]

Not that this other guy is the greatest, he's also a farmer and brings in all of these different types of weapons into the office.

The best employee complaint I had to field was someone complaining that his co-worker spent all day creating "weapons" out of office supplies that he would later use to torture pigeons. Hmm.

 

[MDB111™]

I have well over 3450 people under me. In fact, all of you here at CCS should take 5 mins of your time and follow this link I will link to get you started with your very own business!

That's right! Tired of the man? Want to be to your own boss? Want to make 13000 a week? A day? Heck, a minute?

Let me tell you about LuluVitaAmScentsyTwat.com!


And No! It's not a pyramid scheme. It is called Multi Level Marketing! If anyone tells you different, ignore the haterz! They were just failures and didn't know how to succeed in the business world.

Follow the link and then you too can be your own boss!
































suckers

 

[Xuder O'Clam]

^Disappointed no actual linkage

 

[Urblock]

I have well over 3450 people under me. In fact, all of you here at CCS should take 5 mins of your time and follow this link I will link to get you started with your very own business!

That's right! Tired of the man? Want to be to your own boss? Want to make 13000 a week? A day? Heck, a minute?

Let me tell you about LuluVitaAmScentsyTwat.com!


And No! It's not a pyramid scheme. It is called Multi Level Marketing! If anyone tells you different, ignore the haterz! They were just failures and didn't know how to succeed in the business world.

Follow the link and then you too can be your own boss!
































suckers
[/QUOTE
Fix that link. Has to be good if twat is in it.

 

[Ares]

I'll tell my other employee story....

This one was hired when I was Team Lead, and I inherited him when I became Manager.

He was an older gentleman in his early 60s who was hired following the previous debacle I posted about.

Once again desperate to fill the seat, my boss hired this guy who was a neighbor of our Product Director, and to a 90k+ salary which is very high for the position, even though the interview was pretty meh.

Now this isn't the same type of story.... this guy stuck around for like 3 years and I didn't become his Manager until like 18 months down the road.

I always figured we kept this guy around because he was a cheap button pusher.... so when I saw his salary I was shocked.

This was an employee that I gave the least important clients to, generally, and TBH he spent most of his work day like this:

1. Come in, eat breakfast and read Facebook.... do 5-10 mins of work
2. Talk to wife 2-4 times for 8-12 minutes each time
3. Go poop for 60-90 minutes, if any time left before lunch, read more Facebook
4. Go get lunch, 30-60 minutes
5. Come back, eat lunch, read Facebook, answer more wife calls... 30-60 minutes.
6. Do some work 30-60 minutes, sometimes a call with clients.
7. Do random shit like discuss buying a vacuum cleaner in a customer service chat, and then print out the chat log
8. More panicked calls from wife, more Facebook.
9. Answer or return phone calls from people you normally ignore/hang up on.
10. Get yelled at by me because you didn't do work he should have.
11. Rush to get work done before going home... or just don't do it.

By the end there was a 2-3 times a week convo we had, often in the afternoon that went:

Me: "Hey, did you run blah like I told you this morning/yesterday?"

Him: "No..."

Me: "Why not?"

Him: "I forgot"

He would have one thing to do in a day sometimes.... and just forget to do it.

So this goes on for 6-8 months and I'm working with my new boss towards putting him on a performance plan which likely will lead to his termination when my boss tells me they want a name from our team for layoffs.

Well he's up.... overpaid... under producing to near uselessness.... creates messes I have to cleanup... yeah he's getting laid off.

Now this was my 2nd time laying someone off, and the previous guy, if you can believe it, was even more useless than this guy... but he worked remote so the termination was remote where this one was face to face with HR on the phone.

Even though the employee needed to go, I still felt shitty about it... sorry I have empathy.

So I line it up with the HR girl... come in and dial her up in one of our empty offices, and then wait for him to arrive.

I pull him into the office and read the script they gave me, and the HR girl reads her script, and at the end you're supposed to immediately take them to gather their belongings and escort them out, taking their security badge and laptop.

We hang up with HR and he is shook up, and he asks if we can talk a bit and I say yes.

First question he asks is... "So... was this... I mean was it performance related??

I needed all my willpower to stifle laughing/raging at him... cmon man, ya think?

I've been on you about not getting your work done, cleaning up your messes, dealing with pissed off business customers who complain about you... for like 3 years... and I've been blatant about it to you every week if not every day for months.

But you have to stick to the script so I just tell him "No, these are company layoffs and you were chosen... blah blah" the whole Corporate spiel.

He asked again, the same basic question but differently and I told him the same thing.

And he stutters trying to figure out how to ask it again and I just tell him it is time to go... we need to gather up your things and walk out.

He just kinda deflated and followed me out of the office to his desk, where he begins to try to pack up his desk even though I told him to just grab his immediate belongings... cell phone, keys, etc and we will box up the rest and ship it... that was the Corporate policy at least.

He ignores me... kinda in a haze... and starts digging thru drawers and grabbing bags and throwing things into bags, and I gently try to prod him towards wrapping it up... but he's got all his drawers open and I realize every single one, including the big foot locker type drawer in the divider between his workspace and the next, are all filled to the brim with... stuff... bags... papers... ketchup packets... nick nacks... any item you've ever been able to take for free on the street.... he has just grabbed anything he's ever been able to grab downtown and piled it into these drawers.

He fills up two big plastic bags from Walgreens with just, junk... and I finally force him to call it and walk out.

As we're walking out past the kitchen area he decides he needs to fill up his water.... while he's doing that, some visiting people are mingling in the kitchen and start talking to me... they have no idea I'm walking out a fired employee.... most awkward fucking convo of my life, and now I see him go into the fridge.

He needs to get his frozen sausages.... and the mustard from the fridge.... we're about to go on a freezer/fridge hoarding expedition and I have to stop him again... he piles some food into one of the two bags and I force him to head towards the door... finally I get him there and say good bye and promise we will ship him his personal belongings from his desk, and he leaves.

I go back to my desk to decompress and let the other team members know he had been laid off... and I begin to comb thru his desk to find any personal belongings to ship to him and it is just this hoarder nest of shit no one needs.

One of my team members, mercifully, steps in and says he will clean out the desk and separate out stuff we need to send and when he completes the job he's found hundreds if not thousands of salt/pepper packets... and hundreds of condiment packets... thousands of printed copies of things you can and should just view digitally... hundreds of plastic bags... dozens of plasticware from fast food places... an assortment of a few dozen cables of different kinds.... VGA cables, ethernet cables, HDMI cables... we have a box of them in the back, idk why he hoarded them in his desk.

On his way home, in some major irony, he starts texting me about his work tasks that someone will need to make sure they do going forward...

The next day he texts me about more work tasks he's remembered need to be done... FTR I knew all his tasks... I had done them, I had assigned them, I had them re-assigned before he was home the day I fired him.

After that he stops texting me.... I think it is done with.

A week later he texts me... he is downtown for a job interview... he never got his nameplate from his work station nor the Almond Butter from the fridge... can he stop by and pick them up.

I've never rolled my fucking eyes so hard.... who the **** wants to go back to a place that fired you... for shit like Almond Butter?

In conclusion... don't hire hoarders.

 

[KittiesKorner]

keep it to yourself!

 

[Omeletpants]

I'll tell my other employee story....

This one was hired when I was Team Lead, and I inherited him when I became Manager.

He was an older gentleman in his early 60s who was hired following the previous debacle I posted about.

Once again desperate to fill the seat, my boss hired this guy who was a neighbor of our Product Director, and to a 90k+ salary which is very high for the position, even though the interview was pretty meh.

Now this isn't the same type of story.... this guy stuck around for like 3 years and I didn't become his Manager until like 18 months down the road.

I always figured we kept this guy around because he was a cheap button pusher.... so when I saw his salary I was shocked.

This was an employee that I gave the least important clients to, generally, and TBH he spent most of his work day like this:

1. Come in, eat breakfast and read Facebook.... do 5-10 mins of work
2. Talk to wife 2-4 times for 8-12 minutes each time
3. Go poop for 60-90 minutes, if any time left before lunch, read more Facebook
4. Go get lunch, 30-60 minutes
5. Come back, eat lunch, read Facebook, answer more wife calls... 30-60 minutes.
6. Do some work 30-60 minutes, sometimes a call with clients.
7. Do random shit like discuss buying a vacuum cleaner in a customer service chat, and then print out the chat log
8. More panicked calls from wife, more Facebook.
9. Answer or return phone calls from people you normally ignore/hang up on.
10. Get yelled at by me because you didn't do work he should have.
11. Rush to get work done before going home... or just don't do it.

By the end there was a 2-3 times a week convo we had, often in the afternoon that went:

Me: "Hey, did you run blah like I told you this morning/yesterday?"

Him: "No..."

Me: "Why not?"

Him: "I forgot"

He would have one thing to do in a day sometimes.... and just forget to do it.

So this goes on for 6-8 months and I'm working with my new boss towards putting him on a performance plan which likely will lead to his termination when my boss tells me they want a name from our team for layoffs.

Well he's up.... overpaid... under producing to near uselessness.... creates messes I have to cleanup... yeah he's getting laid off.

Now this was my 2nd time laying someone off, and the previous guy, if you can believe it, was even more useless than this guy... but he worked remote so the termination was remote where this one was face to face with HR on the phone.

Even though the employee needed to go, I still felt shitty about it... sorry I have empathy.

So I line it up with the HR girl... come in and dial her up in one of our empty offices, and then wait for him to arrive.

I pull him into the office and read the script they gave me, and the HR girl reads her script, and at the end you're supposed to immediately take them to gather their belongings and escort them out, taking their security badge and laptop.

We hang up with HR and he is shook up, and he asks if we can talk a bit and I say yes.

First question he asks is... "So... was this... I mean was it performance related??

I needed all my willpower to stifle laughing/raging at him... cmon man, ya think?

I've been on you about not getting your work done, cleaning up your messes, dealing with pissed off business customers who complain about you... for like 3 years... and I've been blatant about it to you every week if not every day for months.

But you have to stick to the script so I just tell him "No, these are company layoffs and you were chosen... blah blah" the whole Corporate spiel.

He asked again, the same basic question but differently and I told him the same thing.

And he stutters trying to figure out how to ask it again and I just tell him it is time to go... we need to gather up your things and walk out.

He just kinda deflated and followed me out of the office to his desk, where he begins to try to pack up his desk even though I told him to just grab his immediate belongings... cell phone, keys, etc and we will box up the rest and ship it... that was the Corporate policy at least.

He ignores me... kinda in a haze... and starts digging thru drawers and grabbing bags and throwing things into bags, and I gently try to prod him towards wrapping it up... but he's got all his drawers open and I realize every single one, including the big foot locker type drawer in the divider between his workspace and the next, are all filled to the brim with... stuff... bags... papers... ketchup packets... nick nacks... any item you've ever been able to take for free on the street.... he has just grabbed anything he's ever been able to grab downtown and piled it into these drawers.

He fills up two big plastic bags from Walgreens with just, junk... and I finally force him to call it and walk out.

As we're walking out past the kitchen area he decides he needs to fill up his water.... while he's doing that, some visiting people are mingling in the kitchen and start talking to me... they have no idea I'm walking out a fired employee.... most awkward fucking convo of my life, and now I see him go into the fridge.

He needs to get his frozen sausages.... and the mustard from the fridge.... we're about to go on a freezer/fridge hoarding expedition and I have to stop him again... he piles some food into one of the two bags and I force him to head towards the door... finally I get him there and say good bye and promise we will ship him his personal belongings from his desk, and he leaves.

I go back to my desk to decompress and let the other team members know he had been laid off... and I begin to comb thru his desk to find any personal belongings to ship to him and it is just this hoarder nest of shit no one needs.

One of my team members, mercifully, steps in and says he will clean out the desk and separate out stuff we need to send and when he completes the job he's found hundreds if not thousands of salt/pepper packets... and hundreds of condiment packets... thousands of printed copies of things you can and should just view digitally... hundreds of plastic bags... dozens of plasticware from fast food places... an assortment of a few dozen cables of different kinds.... VGA cables, ethernet cables, HDMI cables... we have a box of them in the back, idk why he hoarded them in his desk.

On his way home, in some major irony, he starts texting me about his work tasks that someone will need to make sure they do going forward...

The next day he texts me about more work tasks he's remembered need to be done... FTR I knew all his tasks... I had done them, I had assigned them, I had them re-assigned before he was home the day I fired him.

After that he stops texting me.... I think it is done with.

A week later he texts me... he is downtown for a job interview... he never got his nameplate from his work station nor the Almond Butter from the fridge... can he stop by and pick them up.

I've never rolled my fucking eyes so hard.... who the **** wants to go back to a place that fired you... for shit like Almond Butter?

In conclusion... don't hire hoarders.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........wake me when it's over

 

[MDB111™]

^Disappointed no actual linkage

He isn't that E-savy

 

[number51]

Elgin rocks. Biggest house in Kane County is in Elgin, tons of people with net worth of $10m-80M just in my neighborhood. Wake up, this ain't your father's Elgin

"Biggest house in Kane County is in Elgin" You keep saying that, is it also the shittiest house in Kane County? There is no one worth $80M living in Elgin, they live in Barrington or Inverness, or Glenco, or any of a dozen other Chicago suburbs that are much much nicer than Elgin.

You have posted other peoples work and claimed it was your own. You have posted pictures from a Canadian construction companies web site claiming it was a picture of your majestic Elgin property. You have been caught in dozens of lies, nothing you claim is true, you really do live in a fantasy land.

This is ommy:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willy_Loman