Breakup Advice

[BNB]

Ok, so I've been dating my current girlfriend for about 3.5 years now..

For the most part, we get along great. I still have a lot of feelings for. The problem is, we differ on a lot of things that mean a lot to her. For example, she wants to get married. I don't. She wants to have dogs. I actually love dogs, but I personally don't wanna own one for a while because I just don't want to deal with the responsibility of taking care of something else at the moment or in the foreseeable future. She wants to travel the world because that's her passion, and I have no desire to travel.

A couple of times a month, one of these things comes up and we argue about it. I wind up feeling shitty because she ultimately ends up just being like, "okay fine, whatever makes you happy." I hate that, because she should be happy, and giving her these things will make her happy, but will then make me unhappy.

I've thought about it a lot lately, and I think it's best that we go our separate ways.

The problem is, we rent an apartment together, and we have 7 months left on the lease. I don't know if I should tell her now, like, "Hey, when our lease is up, I think we should go our own way" to give her a heads up so she can plan for what to do next.... or should I wait until a few weeks before the lease is up to mention it?

It sucks either way because I don't want to end it, but I think it's in her best interest.

 

[Adipost]

Are you opposed to marriage in general, or just at the present time.

 

[BNB]

Are you opposed to marriage in general, or just at the present time.

In general. I don't plan on ever getting married. She knew this before we started dating, and I've reiterated throughout.

 

[Adipost]

In general. I don't plan on ever getting married. She knew this before we started dating, and I've reiterated throughout.

If she’s asking you aboot marriage even after knowing your views going in, she might have always thought in the back of her mind that you would eventually change your mind on the matter.

I had a long time girlfriend who started asking aboot marriage, and I kept trying to shrug it off. Eventually, she finally left me after realizing it wasn’t gonna happen. I still feel guilty for wasting her time.

You need to figure out how important this stuff really is to her.

 

[Tjodalv]

It would probably be best if you approached it similarly to how you presented it to us: "here's the situation; X, Y, and Z are what you want in life -- I'm not willing to do those things, and it's very unlikely that will ever change. I think it would be best if. . ." And see how she reacts. Maybe you're more important to her than those things, or maybe she'll realize that staying together would mean a lot of future resentment of you for preventing them. Or, perhaps she'll flip her shit and be all like "you little ****, there's another woman, isn't there‽‽‽ It's fucking Suzie, isn't it‽ I knew I should have kicked that fucking slut to the curb!!!" All while shanking you in the testicles with a nail file.

Point being, I clearly don't know this chick nor how she'll react; but, honesty is the best policy. I mean, as you pointed out, just from the financial and planning perspective, if you're dead set on breaking up it would be nice to be able to figure that kind of shit out. Just don't do what one of my exes did: empty our joint bank account and just announce you're moving out one day, ditching me (her, in this parallel) with the lease and other combined bills. Or, if you're a complete ass, you could go that route I guess?

 

[BNB]

It would probably be best if you approached it similarly to how you presented it to us: "here's the situation; X, Y, and Z are what you want in life -- I'm not willing to do those things, and it's very unlikely that will ever change. I think it would be best if. . ." And see how she reacts. Maybe you're more important to her than those things, or maybe she'll realize that staying together would mean a lot of future resentment of you for preventing them. Or, perhaps she'll flip her shit and be all like "you little ****, there's another woman, isn't there‽‽‽ It's fucking Suzie, isn't it‽ I knew I should have kicked that fucking slut to the curb!!!" All while shanking you in the testicles with a nail file.

Point being, I clearly don't know this chick nor how she'll react; but, honesty is the best policy.

The thing is, I've already told her a couple of times over the last year or so that I don't know if I'm necessarily the person for her because of X, Y, and Z. She said that she would rather stay with me. Fine. But then don't keep bringing it up and saying how sad you are because you can't get those things.

I don't wanna be a dick and say it that way... like, "If you really want to be with me more than you want those other things, then stop talking about them because I don't wanna keep feeling guilty." And either way, whether she talk about them or not, I know she still wants them, which is making her sad.

I'm pretty much settled on the fact that I may need to end this... My issue is with the timing of it.

I suck at breakups in general though.

 

[SERE Bear]

When its time to end a relationship don’t wait. Do it now. If that means you drive an Uber on the side, sell plasma & sperm or what ever to cover her rent then do it. Dont wait.

 

[Tjodalv]

I'm pretty much settled on the fact that I may need to end this... My issue is with the timing of it.

Well, if that's the case, I'd go with the fair warning method. Yeah, being forced to continue to live together (potentially) until the lease is up will suck prolapsed anus, but I would tend to think it's the decent thing to do.

Good luck, man. That's a shit situation that no one comes out of feeling good about.

 

[BNB]

When its time to end a relationship don’t wait. Do it now. If that means you drive an Uber on the side, sell plasma & sperm or what ever to cover her rent then do it. Dont wait.

****, I'm torn. It would be much easier if I still didn't have feelings for her. If I had no emotional attachment whatsoever, I think I'd be a lot more inclined to go down this road. but because I still like her and all, I don't know if I should be selfish and try to enjoy the next few months.

But you may be right

 

[DC]

Ok, so I've been dating my current girlfriend for about 3.5 years now..

For the most part, we get along great. I still have a lot of feelings for. The problem is, we differ on a lot of things that mean a lot to her. For example, she wants to get married. I don't. She wants to have dogs. I actually love dogs, but I personally don't wanna own one for a while because I just don't want to deal with the responsibility of taking care of something else at the moment or in the foreseeable future. She wants to travel the world because that's her passion, and I have no desire to travel.

A couple of times a month, one of these things comes up and we argue about it. I wind up feeling shitty because she ultimately ends up just being like, "okay fine, whatever makes you happy." I hate that, because she should be happy, and giving her these things will make her happy, but will then make me unhappy.

I've thought about it a lot lately, and I think it's best that we go our separate ways.

The problem is, we rent an apartment together, and we have 7 months left on the lease. I don't know if I should tell her now, like, "Hey, when our lease is up, I think we should go our own way" to give her a heads up so she can plan for what to do next.... or should I wait until a few weeks before the lease is up to mention it?

It sucks either way because I don't want to end it, but I think it's in her best interest.

Does she have a hot sister who can take over for the next 7 months?

J/K

Just be honest. Who knows, maybe she'll offer to split the break lease.

 

[Mitchapalooza]

Watch the game with her tomorrow and say "hey if the Bears run a slant pass today we can stay together." Guaranteed break up.

But on a serious note TJ summed it up pretty well I'd take his advice. Break ups suck, good luck man.

 

[Crystallas]

Had the same issue. I didn't want to get married ever, she did. Didn't want "pretend kids" aka: pets, she did. I already did a ton of traveling and still do it for business, but she wants to go and spend money on extravagant vacations instead of future proofing, etc.

I tried to break up with her some eight years ago, but now we're married. So go figure.

But for me, the pros outweighed the cons. And that's my only advise to you. Right now you might think it's the best thing to break up, and maybe it is. Just weigh out those pros and cons. I know you feel like you probably have 100 times over at this point, but believe me, that list changes and your perception of what is a pro and con also changes. Over time, a lot of ideals turn into indifference. Mainly because people change and what you think your significant other wants will also change. Do the breakdown with her, and if/when you two get an answer, it becomes fairly obvious and easy.

 

[Warden of the Northeast]

Sorry to say it BNB but you sound really selfish, even the way you are thinking about ending it is selfish. Just end it sooner than later so she can be miserable for as long as she needs to be in order to get over you and eventually she'll find a person who has the same passions as she does. If she's a good girl and you care a lot for her then do the right thing and let her go now.

Breakups sucks, sorry you're going through one.

 

[Tater]

I agree with TJ's advice. Good luck with a tough situation.

 

[ursamajor]

No kids? Not married?

Break that shit off. Fucking easy. Stop being a pussy.

Seriously. Breaking a relationship where there are no major financial ties, or children, is easy.


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[Globetrotter]

Who doesn’t want to travel?

 

[dweebs19]

Who doesn’t want to travel?

haha...that's the first thing that came to my mind. Who hates traveling?

Anyway, I think you should look at the pros and cons. When you see that. you'll realize that maybe you'd rather be together. If not, I suggest you break it up as early as possible. That's the gentleman thing to do

 

[BNB]

Who doesn’t want to travel?

I guess me haha. But I wouldn't say it's uncommon either, I know a lot of people that don't necessarily want to travel the world.

I don't care about visiting other countries to experience foreign cultures, etc. It just doesn't do anything for me. Plus I don't wanna drop a couple grand for a week or two for something I don't enjoy too much.

 

[BNB]

No kids? Not married?

Break that shit off. Fucking easy. Stop being a pussy.

Seriously. Breaking a relationship where there are no major financial ties, or children, is easy.


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It is kind of difficult when you still have feelings for the person and you're living with them.

It's not like I'm saying I have no feelings whatsoever, and we live an hour away and don't see each other much.

 

[BNB]

Sorry to say it BNB but you sound really selfish, even the way you are thinking about ending it is selfish. Just end it sooner than later so she can be miserable for as long as she needs to be in order to get over you and eventually she'll find a person who has the same passions as she does. If she's a good girl and you care a lot for her then do the right thing and let her go now.

Breakups sucks, sorry you're going through one.

I would argue that the very reason why I want to break up with her is not selfish. I still have feelings for her, but want want to end the relationship because I don't want to hold her back from what she really wants in life. How is that selfish?

I did acknowledge that it would be selfish of me to keep this to myself and hold out for another few months because of our lease situation... That's my biggest dilemma.