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You guys are disgusting. The fact that you remember the exact date, time and location of all your farts is disturbing! Grow up!
Farts
- Thread starter BlackHawkPaul
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I remember in college I farted during a final. There was no way the prof was going to let me leave and come back into class, and the pressure on my asshole was like the Berlin Wall ready to come down.
I remember George Carlin once speaking about creating subterfuge. I figured I would try it. Gave my desk a slight scoot. Then I would do one that was longer and let it rip. Holy jumpin' Jesus, it was loud as hell reverberating off of that plastic seat attached to my desk. I looked around, and the strategy paid off. No smell, just a huge draft of air biscuit. If it failed, I probably wouldn't see anyone from that class ever again anyway.
I remember George Carlin once speaking about creating subterfuge. I figured I would try it. Gave my desk a slight scoot. Then I would do one that was longer and let it rip. Holy jumpin' Jesus, it was loud as hell reverberating off of that plastic seat attached to my desk. I looked around, and the strategy paid off. No smell, just a huge draft of air biscuit. If it failed, I probably wouldn't see anyone from that class ever again anyway.
Unannounced Fart
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When I was in college, I drank a couple of those little kid sized cartons of milk right before class. This was the first time I had milk by itself in a couple of years. Well, I found out the hard way that I had become lactose intolerant because I was farting constantly during that 2 hour class. Luckily, it was the silent variety, but I swear I must have farted over a hundred times.
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No.
[video]https://youtu.be/DhCKYaD9p-0?t=15s[/video]
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Since you woke her up, you at least gave her a Dutch Oven right?
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I farted in a half empty church once while sitting on a wooden pew. The wooden pew amplified my fart to epic loudness. Then the sound reverberated for a while in the half empty church because it was designed with phenomenal acoustics. Needless to say every eye in the room was fixed upon me after that one. I smiled. I owned it.
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It would have been funnier if the sound bouncing had masked the origin. You would have had heads turning in every direction.
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There was a time one of my buddies that was admitted to the hospital. About 7 of us went to go visit him and he was on the 3rd floor. We all piled in a small elevator along with one of the nurses. My one buddy ripped a fierce brown note. The nurse, visibly upset yelled "Are you kidding?"
That was an amazingly long elevator ride to floor 3.
I will not break fart code. I won't trap a stranger with my fart if they can't escape it.
That was an amazingly long elevator ride to floor 3.
I will not break fart code. I won't trap a stranger with my fart if they can't escape it.
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I dropped a nice SBD once in a crowded room while walking through. People didn't notice until I had cleared the area. I then had the pleasure of watching 20 people all start holding their noses and looking at their neighbors like WTF?
I'm a farty bastard. I feel bad for my wife some days. Pretty much all food gives me gas and I wake her up all the time.
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I'm a farting jukebox.
I have never once heard my wife fart. We've been together nearly 15 years.
The yin to my yang.
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This seems appropriate.
[video=youtube;dtW5upD5oW4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtW5upD5oW4[/video]
[video=youtube;dtW5upD5oW4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtW5upD5oW4[/video]
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I don't know why some women hide farting and pooping. As if all humans don't fart and poop. Like they are ashamed of it or some shit.
Unannounced Fart
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Yeah man, that's kinda messed up. It's like when you fart inside a car. If you fart while the car is moving, then it's cool, but if you fart in a non-moving car, then you're just an asshole.
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Women don't fart, it's biological.
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From a man with three sisters and no brother, I call bullshit.
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My wife doesn't fart. If she did, I would be about 5% happier. Her sister could probably out-fart most of the posters on CCS.
Hell, my grandmother was queen of the old folk farters. It sounded like she was blowing a trumpet in mud.
LordKOTL
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This thread is the wind beneath my wings.
Yes, I am an asshole--I sometimes park in the handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces.
And yes, one time I did drop a gut in my car with a bunch of friends--a complete foul one at that--one that would (again, in the words of the late George Carlin) eat the stitching out of a pair of Levi's...but being a complete asshole, I also locked out all of the window controls. Why let an epic piece of trousercraft go to waste?
Yes, I am an asshole--I sometimes park in the handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces.
And yes, one time I did drop a gut in my car with a bunch of friends--a complete foul one at that--one that would (again, in the words of the late George Carlin) eat the stitching out of a pair of Levi's...but being a complete asshole, I also locked out all of the window controls. Why let an epic piece of trousercraft go to waste?
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I farted very loud in my office and one of my coworkers thought I called for her.
Her name is now a sound that comes out my anus.
Her name is now a sound that comes out my anus.
cozzy1
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You now gotta spend all of your time trying to replicate that fart sound, to see if she replies again. Same diet, same sitting angle - everything
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I certainly remember my most disappointing fart. It started out with deep bass notes and had good duration, but turned sharty at the end.