Farts

[Tater]

I certainly remember my most disappointing fart. It started out with deep bass notes and had good duration, but turned sharty at the end.

I can just sense the trauma in this post.

 

[L GUAPO]

Outstanding thread.
I have many, but the one that stands out in my mind was in an elevator in las vegas. me and a few buddies had been in vegas for a couple days already, eating poorly and drinking. we were going up to our room from the lobby, 3 of us and another couple were in the elevator. I stood next to the guy, and when the doors closed, I fired off a monster that started deep and worked its way up in pitch at the end, it sounded like my ass was asking a question.
I turned to the guy- him and his wife were looking at us with wide eyes, and I said "come on dude, did you have to do that as soon as the door closed?"
The lady started laughing, the guy denied it, and I just shook my head and covered my mouth and nose with my shirt.

It became our thing for the next day and a half to see who could get the elevator laughing with farts.
My second favorite was standing in an elevator, dropping a loud one, and when everyone turned to look I said "That will be with you shortly".


Aside from that, when I am on a high protein diet, I am a huge fan of crop dusting in grocery stores.
Pick an aisle that has a few people, begin letting it out as you walk down the aisle and spread the love to everyone.

Airtime.....we usually don't agree, but I have to agree that you are pretty funny. Best post I have read from you. I am still laughing as I type so this response took a while. Well played on blaming it on the hubby. That was a good one.

 

[ruprecht]

I can just sense the trauma in this post.

It was during my 1.5 hr commute.

 

[xer0h0ur]

My cousin calls my ass Donald because he says my farts sound like Donald Duck.

 

[Novak]

It was during my 1.5 hr commute.

.... Gross..

 

[Spunky Porkstacker]

I certainly remember my most disappointing fart. It started out with deep bass notes and had good duration, but turned sharty at the end.

Is a shart a fart or is it something different ?

 

[xer0h0ur]

Its when a fart turns into a skid mark.

 

[Unannounced Fart]

Is a shart a fart or is it something different ?

Shart = shit + fart


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[BlackHawkPaul]

Is a shart a fart or is it something different ?

A shart is usually when something more than air escapes your butthole.
Sometimes wet. Usually making an appearance on your drawers.

The intentions are to fart and fart alone.
The shart is a bonus no one wants. I still don't think any of us intend to shart ourselves.

 

[BlackHawkPaul]

I want to edit that last post. If you fart out a small Hot Wheels car, then it was probably the Jim Beam and cocaine from last night.

 

[Novak]

Good thing 3 people explained what a shart is. You're all so bright! Gold stars for everyone today

 

[BlackHawkPaul]

Good thing 3 people explained what a shart is. You're all so bright! Gold stars for everyone today

A brown star is more appropriate.
I'm older, so shitting my pants is not a matter of if, but when.

 

[ruprecht]

.... Gross..

A shart by any definition is. Luckily there was a dog towel and a logging road handy.

 

[LordKOTL]

Is a shart a fart or is it something different ?

A shart, also known as: a fart with delusions of grandeur, following through, to gamble and lose, and a twin-tone (think of the drop in timbre), is something you never want to have happen.

Especially if someone is going down on you.

 

[Iwritecode]

Since you woke her up, you at least gave her a Dutch Oven right?

I was actually across the room at the time.

 

[Iwritecode]

I farted in a half empty church once while sitting on a wooden pew. The wooden pew amplified my fart to epic loudness. Then the sound reverberated for a while in the half empty church because it was designed with phenomenal acoustics. Needless to say every eye in the room was fixed upon me after that one. I smiled. I owned it.

A friend of mine did the same thing on a plastic bench at a taco bell. His wife glared at him and he was just like "what?"

 

[Tater]

I was actually across the room at the time.

Huge kudos to you for the the long range accuracy.