@brett05 Brisket:
1. Buy a hunk of brisket that weighs 3-5lbs cuz it will cook faster
2. For some reason cut it open and shove stuff inside contrary to any BBQ advice available anywhere.
3. Cook it at a temperature that is high enough your oven's default temp would be proud
4. Crank that temp up once the guests have arrived, they're hungry, the internal temp has stalled, and you didn't bother reading about crutching thru the stall.
5. Serve a truly dreadful piece of burnt and raw beef stuffed with raw bacon and onions which never cooked because why the **** would they have, neither did the middle of the meat.
He'd then wax about how literally he took the Bible and run off to man a 1-888-NEED-HIM hotline and wonder why none of us took him seriously.