Friend Advice

[clonetrooper264]

If your friend is going to stop being your friend over that, then I can see why he was asked to leave seminary and he's probably not ready to go back. There comes a point in such a friendship where you should expect him to invite you to church related activities...it's part of the package so to speak. If anything, it shows some degree of care for you.

Like others have said, just tell him where you stand. If he is mature enough, you should exit that conversation in a place where you both respect each other's beliefs and all will be well.

 

[HeHateMe]

I will never understand why anyone would literally kick someone to the curb when all they care about is keeping you from burning in heck after you die. Seriously.

 

[CODE_BLUE56]

]If your friend is going to stop being your friend over that, then I can see why he was asked to leave seminary and he's probably not ready to go back.[/B] There comes a point in such a friendship where you should expect him to invite you to church related activities...it's part of the package so to speak. If anything, it shows some degree of care for you.

Like others have said, just tell him where you stand. If he is mature enough, you should exit that conversation in a place where you both respect each other's beliefs and all will be well.

That's a really good point. I think/feel like most priests probably have friends that are not necessarily religious. Part of growing in your own faith is learning to be accepting of others' faiths, even if you don't agree.

And yea, I definitely appreciate him reaching out about going to church. And I have no problem with him being religious at all, and I think he may end up being a good priest. I just don't share the same views. But overall, we get along pretty well, and we have other stuff that connects us.

 

[BearFanJohn]

Just be straight-forward and honest. If he can't handle it, that is on him. No reason to "kick someone to the curb" or make a big deal of it. I have friends and relatives of different faiths. I have atheist friends and agnostic friends. All of them, for the most part, get along well. While I am a believer I am not generally a fan of organized religion so I rarely attend services. I went to a Methodist University and was a Deacon and Junior Elder at the church in which I grew up. My wife goes semi-frequently and her parents go almost every Sunday. It has not been an issue in the family for the last 25 years.

To each their own and religious beliefs should not necessarily be an integral part of any relationship; as long as no one gets "judgy".

 

[IBleedBearsBlood]

I will never understand why anyone would literally kick someone to the curb when all they care about is keeping you from burning in heck after you die. Seriously.

No one is kicking him to the curb. He will be kicking his own self if he doesn’t respect his opinion on the matter.


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[Warden of the Northeast]

Now when you tell him this he may make an attempt to make you feel guilty about not believing or throw out some scripture to you about burning in hell. That's your opportunity to say "listen, I respect your views so please respect mine. I would rather not speak about religion at all when we hang out." If he can't handle that then that's on him. Regardless of what happens it'll be off your mind, a quite frankly you should be worried about how you feel first.

 

[CODE_BLUE56]

Now when you tell him this he may make an attempt to make you feel guilty about not believing or throw out some scripture to you about burning in hell. That's your opportunity to say "listen, I respect your views so please respect mine. I would rather not speak about religion at all when we hang out." If he can't handle that then that's on him. Regardless of what happens it'll be off your mind, a quite frankly you should be worried about how you feel first.

He's not really the type to be aggressive or make me feel guilty. I would guess he would just be very sad and distraught about the whole thing, perhaps confused. I should also mention that I was a bit involved in youth group in high school. Part of the appeal, I think back then, was the community that youth group had.

Anyway, still good advice. Thanks.

 

[HeHateMe]

No one is kicking him to the curb. He will be kicking his own self if he doesn’t respect his opinion on the matter.


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#notmyafterlife

 

[IBleedBearsBlood]

#notmyafterlife

Damn right.


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[didshereallysaythat]

I don't see the problem with non-believers going to Church for 1 hour a week with someone they care about. Not to take in the religious message, but just being by the side and spending time with someone. Now to me, this would be more appropriate for people you were dating/married to or close family.

 

[Burque]

I think just be blunt and honest. If they are a real friend they can take that your views are different than theirs and still be a friend.

 

[BNB]

Hey Code, I don't recall you always being agnostic. Was this a recent change? Or maybe I'm confusing you with someone else.

 

[LordKOTL]

I don't see the problem with non-believers going to Church for 1 hour a week with someone they care about. Not to take in the religious message, but just being by the side and spending time with someone. Now to me, this would be more appropriate for people you were dating/married to or close family.

That would be hell for me. I'd either be so fidgety and bored I'd be crawling out of my skin, or so dead tired since I'd have to wake up early on a Sunday (or Saturday, some religions have their services then) that I'd fall asleep. Since burying yourself in headphones, sleeping, or getting lost in the electronic device du jure would be considered the height of rudeness and affect said faithful friend's standing in that religious friend circle, which would lead to unpleasantness for all.

I'd do it for a one-off thing, like a close friend's wedding, or a funeral.

I think the issue is the circular "You'd do it if you cared about them." opposing "If they cared about you they wouldn't ask you to do it."

I don't know about anyone else here, but if I'm ever in a situation where I could be forcing someone close to be in a situation that they don't want to be in, I always offer them an out, never take it personal, and never let it affect my friendship.

 

[CODE_BLUE56]

Hey Code, I don't recall you always being agnostic. Was this a recent change? Or maybe I'm confusing you with someone else.

You're correct, I wasn't. I joined this site when I was 15(now 22), and I was Catholic then. I got involved in my youth group in HS a bit, but I think I really just wanted the community. That's one big benefit of the church.


But I've gotten a bit older and have separated myself from the church. I'm a pretty scientific person, and it's hard for me to really accept the faith necessary to be a Catholic. I still like some aspects of the church and teachings of Jesus, but I just don't see Jesus/God making much of an impact on my life.

 

[CODE_BLUE56]

Update on this:

My friend offered me to go to mass with him today. I decided to go (as kind of a courtesy), and we got food at a place close by aftefwards.

I told him during our meal that I was agnostic. He wasn't aware of that before, but wasn't super surprised(he knew I hadn't gone to church much in the past 4 years). I told him I wanted to be transparent and he appreciated that. I also told him I hadn't closed the door on Christianity/Catholicism, and I appreciated him reaching out.

I also referenced a number of things that were discuss in the priest's homily at the mass today(not relevant, but priest was clearly African, and I guessed he was Nigerian, and I was right lol. I feel like a good majority of African priests are Nigerian.). He was discussing evangelizatiion(gospel reading was the "fishers of men" excerpt).

The priest noted that:

-In the end, what an individual can do in terms of evangelization is limited. Conversion ultimately comes down to the relationship between the person and God/The Holy Spirit.

-It is important for a person to listen more than speak

-Disagreement should not disturb your faith, but rather solidify it and help identify it

Overall, he took it pretty well. We talked for a good 2 hours about a number of topics associated with religion(the historicity of Jesus, how Christianity spread, the afterlife, humanism and the value of human life,etc.). Definitely learned a thing or two(he knows his stuff regarding the Catholic stuff, as he should if he wants to be a priest), and definitely want to dive more into a number of topics associated with religion.

He also said he wouldn't mind if i still come to church with him at some points, just for company. He said he was never trying to force the issue when asking about going to church, just wanted to reach about because he cared.

I think I had excessive pre emptive fear of his reaction, looking back at it. Like I said, he was pretty aware that I hadn't been to church much, and my parents don't go much at all either. IDK why I thought he would possibly react negatively.

 

[Crystallas]

At least you two can still be friends. Glad you wont have to kill him in his sleep now.

 

[Tater]

Great to hear this CODE_BLUE!! Thanks for following up and I'm glad it worked out.

 

[Warden of the Northeast]

Good to hear man, now to test the bounderies of that friendship invite him over for some fun with a ouija board.

 

[remydat]

Update on this:

My friend offered me to go to mass with him today. I decided to go (as kind of a courtesy), and we got food at a place close by aftefwards.

I told him during our meal that I was agnostic. He wasn't aware of that before, but wasn't super surprised(he knew I hadn't gone to church much in the past 4 years). I told him I wanted to be transparent and he appreciated that. I also told him I hadn't closed the door on Christianity/Catholicism, and I appreciated him reaching out.

I also referenced a number of things that were discuss in the priest's homily at the mass today(not relevant, but priest was clearly African, and I guessed he was Nigerian, and I was right lol. I feel like a good majority of African priests are Nigerian.). He was discussing evangelizatiion(gospel reading was the "fishers of men" excerpt).

The priest noted that:

-In the end, what an individual can do in terms of evangelization is limited. Conversion ultimately comes down to the relationship between the person and God/The Holy Spirit.

-It is important for a person to listen more than speak

-Disagreement should not disturb your faith, but rather solidify it and help identify it

Overall, he took it pretty well. We talked for a good 2 hours about a number of topics associated with religion(the historicity of Jesus, how Christianity spread, the afterlife, humanism and the value of human life,etc.). Definitely learned a thing or two(he knows his stuff regarding the Catholic stuff, as he should if he wants to be a priest), and definitely want to dive more into a number of topics associated with religion.

He also said he wouldn't mind if i still come to church with him at some points, just for company. He said he was never trying to force the issue when asking about going to church, just wanted to reach about because he cared.

I think I had excessive pre emptive fear of his reaction, looking back at it. Like I said, he was pretty aware that I hadn't been to church much, and my parents don't go much at all either. IDK why I thought he would possibly react negatively.

Glad things worked out for you. If you find an intelligent Christian who actually tries to live by their faith, I find they are fairly open minded about things which makes sense because Jesus was as well.

 

[clonetrooper264]

Update on this:

My friend offered me to go to mass with him today. I decided to go (as kind of a courtesy), and we got food at a place close by aftefwards.

I told him during our meal that I was agnostic. He wasn't aware of that before, but wasn't super surprised(he knew I hadn't gone to church much in the past 4 years). I told him I wanted to be transparent and he appreciated that. I also told him I hadn't closed the door on Christianity/Catholicism, and I appreciated him reaching out.

I also referenced a number of things that were discuss in the priest's homily at the mass today(not relevant, but priest was clearly African, and I guessed he was Nigerian, and I was right lol. I feel like a good majority of African priests are Nigerian.). He was discussing evangelizatiion(gospel reading was the "fishers of men" excerpt).

The priest noted that:

-In the end, what an individual can do in terms of evangelization is limited. Conversion ultimately comes down to the relationship between the person and God/The Holy Spirit.

-It is important for a person to listen more than speak

-Disagreement should not disturb your faith, but rather solidify it and help identify it

Overall, he took it pretty well. We talked for a good 2 hours about a number of topics associated with religion(the historicity of Jesus, how Christianity spread, the afterlife, humanism and the value of human life,etc.). Definitely learned a thing or two(he knows his stuff regarding the Catholic stuff, as he should if he wants to be a priest), and definitely want to dive more into a number of topics associated with religion.

He also said he wouldn't mind if i still come to church with him at some points, just for company. He said he was never trying to force the issue when asking about going to church, just wanted to reach about because he cared.

I think I had excessive pre emptive fear of his reaction, looking back at it. Like I said, he was pretty aware that I hadn't been to church much, and my parents don't go much at all either. IDK why I thought he would possibly react negatively.

Glad to hear. I feel like the majority of such interactions go this way, but you only ever seem to hear about the bad interactions. This stuff shouldn't ruin friendships and I'm glad you guys will be fine.