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eagles o line
Funny Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Gator29
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Bears O-line.
Jerry Angelo.
Mike Martz.
Jerry Angelo.
Mike Martz.
Deng Defense Force
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Watching everything Alfonso Soriano does or doesn't do in the outfield.
And a not so funny joke: What he gets paid to do it.
And a not so funny joke: What he gets paid to do it.
Sunbiz1
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The Most Gruesome Death
There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.''
The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.''
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story:
''Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator.....'''
There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.''
The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.''
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story:
''Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator.....'''
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derosabomb considers himself mature
:lol:
:tiptoe:
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My favorite teams
nwfisch
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fixed
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Best joke I've heard in a long time :clap:
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My favorite teams
lol the only people that ever talk about my maturity is you, uman and joecawks, ive never once made a claim to my maturity. stfu loser.
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My favorite teams
:umad:
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all I said was that it's the best joke I've heard in a long time
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now thats a funny joke
Sunbiz1
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Harley Davidson
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."
Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says,
"Ah, yes."
"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. there's too much front end protrusion
2. it chatters at high speeds
3. the rear end wobbles too much, and
4. the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes,and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."
Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says,
"Ah, yes."
"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. there's too much front end protrusion
2. it chatters at high speeds
3. the rear end wobbles too much, and
4. the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes,and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."
Deng Defense Force
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"The other day, I went up to my girlfriend, I said, ‘Y’know I’d like a little pussy.’ She said, ‘Me too, mine’s as big as a house!"
"The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, ‘Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy.’ She said, ‘Why did you say that twice?’ I said, ‘I didn’t."
"The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, ‘Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy.’ She said, ‘Why did you say that twice?’ I said, ‘I didn’t."
Deng Defense Force
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"He put us in Libya. Now he's putting us in Africa" - Michelle Bachmann
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJXR280wbEg[/ame]
:tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe:
:tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe:
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJXR280wbEg[/ame]
:tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe::tiptoe:
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Sunbiz1
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Halloween Costume
Disclaimer: Do not read if you are easily offended by racial jokes...although it isn't intended as such:
A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino. If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT idea, you can shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"
Disclaimer: Do not read if you are easily offended by racial jokes...although it isn't intended as such:
A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino. If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT idea, you can shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"