FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:</p>
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA...... FLOOR.</p>
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.</p>
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?</p>
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.</p>
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.</p>
</p>
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?</p>
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?</p>
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?</p>
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?</p>
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"</p>
</p>
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?</p>
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?</p>
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?</p>
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION TOILETS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?</p>
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?</p>
</p>
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?</p>
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?</p>
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?</p>
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?</p>
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?</p>
</p>
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.</p>
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA? (This one took me a minute)</p>
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?</p>
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?</p>
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?</p>
</p>
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?</p>
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?</p>
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?</p>
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?</p>
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?</p>
</p>
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?</p>
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?</p>
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?</p>
34. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY', THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?</p>
