Racism is a spectrum, not a black-and-white switch. Do I believe that Gruden could be out of touch enough to make a racist joke in a work setting when he absolutely shouldn’t have? Sure.
Does that make him a racist? Only he really knows, but whether he’s a racist or not, he said a racist thing. Knowing a black person or having black friends or coworkers does not absolve you from consequences associated with that, especially if you’re a public figure.
I’m not advocating for Gruden to lose his job, but all these comments arguing over whether he’s really a racist in his heart are missing the point.
When you make a mistake and say something racist, you absolutely should be called out for it and change whatever internal behavior made you think that was O.K.