Story Time

[KoreanBear]

Let's share some crazy/funny stories that really happened to each other.

 

[KoreanBear]

I'll go first.

When I was like eight or nine the family all met up at my uncle's house for Thanksgiving.
I think we slept over for the whole weekend.
And during one of the days my younger cousin and I went out for a walk.
He lived sort of on a mountain hill so there was a lot of things to do for children.
I was probably out looking for insects or something.
Anyways, if you can picture this, there was a creek and a walkway that ran along the creek and a wall that ran along the walkway.
So on one side of the walkway was a wall and the other side ran the creek.
I walked ahead and my cousin followed behind me.
We were walking looking into the creek looking for critters I think.
Anyways, I remember the wall ended at one point and revealed a house.
Next thing I hear a loud bark and this huge fucking German Shepard runs at me.
It was as big as me at least.
I turned to run and maybe took one step before the dog bit me in the ass.
I coudn't run to my left nor right due to the wall and the creek.
My cousin is balling. I'm trying to run for my life but unable to move.
The owner of the house comes crashing out with a rifle and slaps the dog upside the head with the butt of the gun.
The dog tucks tail and runs into the dog house.
My pants are ripped to shit. And the owner is about to shoot his own dog.
His brother comes out and starts patching me up.
My cousin, meanwhile, ran back to the house and all the adults came over.
A big ass chaos!
I go to the hospital and get my ass stitched.
I till have the scar on my ass.

 

[Tater]

Well ain't that a bite in the ass...



If I didn't, someone else would have.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

I was dating this girl who worked in the restaurant industry a few years ago, so the only real days she got off was on Mondays and Tuesdays. She had some deal going on with for price fixe menus, and we went to a place in Streeterville. This was on a Monday, and nobody was in there. We were literally the only table that was seated. As we were sitting there was a rush of waitstaff. Turns out they seated Ron Howard and two other guests on the far side of the restaurant. He was nice enough to send us over a bottle of wine. We sent over a lava cake or something similar that could have been shared by the table. We were gone by the time they would have gotten desert, so no clue if he sent it back. The restaurant certainly charged me for it.

 

[KoreanBear]

I was dating this girl who worked in the restaurant industry a few years ago, so the only real days she got off was on Mondays and Tuesdays. She had some deal going on with for price fixe menus, and we went to a place in Streeterville. This was on a Monday, and nobody was in there. We were literally the only table that was seated. As we were sitting there was a rush of waitstaff. Turns out they seated Ron Howard and two other guests on the far side of the restaurant. He was nice enough to send us over a bottle of wine. We sent over a lava cake or something similar that could have been shared by the table. We were gone by the time they would have gotten desert, so no clue if he sent it back. The restaurant certainly charged me for it.

Wow. Ron Howard! Loved The Missing.

 

[Tater]

Maybe this thread will draw out some Taco stories.

 

[AussieBear]

idk if i be told dis hurr or not.

first time in college.... i was be there to play baseball .. **** studying

summer leading up to college i hurt me rotator cuff playing american legion.. so i take the first semester off trying to rehab...and show up in jan for classes...though i was around campus doing thangs.... a few weeks go by once classes start.. and playa voluntary practices be also about to start.. the day before dey do, coach called me into his office and be gets on me.. says imma red shirt ye cause you be hanging out wiff the wrong crowd.. i was slanging shit.. so he wasnt wrong i guess..

BUT **** lied... be said id play as a true freshman..didnt even give me a chance.... fact is, i couldnt throw hard anymore.. i still cant.. my arm was shot and i was a pitcher.. dat southpaw wiff heat.. now wiffout heat...da dream was ova.... i told him to eat a dick. argument ensues.. says if i dont come correct **** my redshirt im out da uni... i be like eat my dick.. my shit.. etc **** you..etc.. and storm off

that night, i walked out on da field.. looked around da stadium.... took a big ass shit in the dugout.. wiped me ass with my underwear and left it thurr next to a big ass pile of dookie.... long story short.. they put a barbed wire fence around the field.. a few weeks lata.. i leave campus.. leave da state....shit happens... go homeless.. gets a jobs.. off da streets.. da military... etc etc..

to dis day.. that fence is still up

 

[dennehy]

I made a three pointer in Jake Gyllenhal's face in a pick up basketball game once. I had the urge to yell "anticeptics" real loud as I shot it (shout out to Donnie Darko) but I was able to restrain myself and avoid total douchebaggery.

I also once had a religious cult try to get me to go with them at Mardi Gras. Guy came up to me and just starting speaking Yiddish. Was surprised I didn't know it. Their deal was they drove the cars of people who were moving across country, and I guess they preached and recruited all over based on it (a bit reminiscent of the Seinfeld carpet cleaners). Had another dude with him who didn't speak for the entire hour or so that they hassled me - just stared. Eventually I had to threaten to hit the guy. I was about 20 at the time.

 

[KoreanBear]

I made a three pointer in Jake Gyllenhal's face in a pick up basketball game once. I had the urge to yell "anticeptics" real loud as I shot it (shout out to Donnie Darko) but I was able to restrain myself and avoid total douchebaggery.

I also once had a religious cult try to get me to go with them at Mardi Gras. Guy came up to me and just starting speaking Yiddish. Was surprised I didn't know it. Their deal was they drove the cars of people who were moving across country, and I guess they preached and recruited all over based on it (a bit reminiscent of the Seinfeld carpet cleaners). Had another dude with him who didn't speak for the entire hour or so that they hassled me - just stared. Eventually I had to threaten to hit the guy. I was about 20 at the time.

Cult stories are the best.
I once had some cult ppl come in to the warehouse at my work trying to recruit.
They were 2 young girls like 16 or so... Felt bad for them.

 

[Xuder O'Clam]

I once had a beer spiked with acid while at a party when I was 16. Went home and watched Serpico with my mom on TV.

 

[KoreanBear]

idk if i be told dis hurr or not.

first time in college.... i was be there to play baseball .. **** studying

summer leading up to college i hurt me rotator cuff playing american legion.. so i take the first semester off trying to rehab...and show up in jan for classes...though i was around campus doing thangs.... a few weeks go by once classes start.. and playa voluntary practices be also about to start.. the day before dey do, coach called me into his office and be gets on me.. says imma red shirt ye cause you be hanging out wiff the wrong crowd.. i was slanging shit.. so he wasnt wrong i guess..

BUT **** lied... be said id play as a true freshman..didnt even give me a chance.... fact is, i couldnt throw hard anymore.. i still cant.. my arm was shot and i was a pitcher.. dat southpaw wiff heat.. now wiffout heat...da dream was ova.... i told him to eat a dick. argument ensues.. says if i dont come correct **** my redshirt im out da uni... i be like eat my dick.. my shit.. etc **** you..etc.. and storm off

that night, i walked out on da field.. looked around da stadium.... took a big ass shit in the dugout.. wiped me ass with my underwear and left it thurr next to a big ass pile of dookie.... long story short.. they put a barbed wire fence around the field.. a few weeks lata.. i leave campus.. leave da state....shit happens... go homeless.. gets a jobs.. off da streets.. da military... etc etc..

to dis day.. that fence is still up

Too bad about your shoulder... what was your fastball mph?

 

[KoreanBear]

I once had a beer spiked with acid while at a party when I was 16. Went home and watched Serpico with my mom on TV.

lol

 

[AussieBear]

Too bad about your shoulder... what was your fastball mph?

its life.. i didnt take care of me body as it was.. partied hard.... payed da price.. hamstring injury led to the arm injury.. all arm no follow through to protect me leg.. and pop goes da weasel.

prior to da injury 88-92 depending on the weather/pitch count.. not bad for 17-18 yr old 5-10 ****.. afta the injury 75 with a stabbing pain and numbness.... maybe it would have gotten in that 94-97 range eventually.. but life.. to be honest.. i hated baseball... tried to coach years lata but blah.. dad pushed me into his childhood love.. be tried to make him proud i guess

i compare me game to oliver perez..

southpaw.. decent heat.. good curve.. i would have been some A ball bullpen fodder for a few years.. but was having elbow issues too..

 

[Omeletpants]

During the summers we played baseball from 8am to 9pm with hardly any rest. In one of our pick up games there was a Mexican kid. We didn't know his name so we called him Taco and he didnt seem to mind. Taco was a goofy motherfucker. Decent player but always out of control. He's on second and I'm catching. Single to left and a play at the plate. The excitement increased as the ball was racing against the runner. Taco goes into a head first slide as I catch the ball. But just a little problem for Taco as he came up 10 feet short of home plate scrapping his face in the dirt. I tagged him on the head. We never saw Taco again.

 

[Guess Who]

i was briefly married to a woman who was still married to at least two other men. That was the sanest part.

 

[Xuder O'Clam]

During the summers we played baseball from 8am to 9pm with hardly any rest. In one of our pick up games there was a Mexican kid. We didn't know his name so we called him Taco and he didnt seem to mind. Taco was a goofy motherfucker. Decent player but always out of control. He's on second and I'm catching. Single to left and a play at the plate. The excitement increased as the ball was racing against the runner. Taco goes into a head first slide as I catch the ball. But just a little problem for Taco as he came up 10 feet short of home plate scrapping his face in the dirt. I tagged him on the head. We never saw Taco again.

I'm starting to think ommy may be shoop.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

i was briefly married to a woman who was still married to at least two other men. That was the sanest part.

Is the insane part that a woman would give you a second look?

 

[Ares]

There used to be a poster on this site called malcore. He was a funny Canadian guy who had elite wit and was a GOAT conversationalist. One night joking around on slack I talked about wanting to visit Canada and malcore invited me up North to stay with him. So I went and decided to see Canada and hangout with one of the GOAT posters of all time to ever grace CCS. I took an Uber from the airport and I go to knock on malcore's door and I notice the door is already ajar. I figure maybe he left it open... I texted him when I was on my way. So I push the door open and step inside and immediately I know something isn't right.... the home smells of rot and there's garbage everywhere. I start to investigate the home cautiously.... I walk down a hallways towards what I assume is a kitchen. I stop just short of rounding the corner into the kitchen and feel something stuck under my foot... it is a discarded package of hot dogs... odd. I round the corner wondering if malcore is going to turn out to be a fucking hoarder weirdo and begin wondering how much an Uber back to the airport and plane tickets back home early will cost me. As soon as I round the corner I see what appears to be a house plant hunched over malcore's corpse eating his face.

fisch looks up at me and says nothing... just opens his mouth :-v

Another vacation ruined by fisch and yet another elite CCS poster dead.... godamnit fisch.

 

[KoreanBear]

i was briefly married to a woman who was still married to at least two other men. That was the sanest part.

da hell happned!! this is something out of jerry springer!

 

[Guess Who]

Is the insane part that a woman would give you a second look?

Not really. I have movie star looks. Woman always threw themselves at me.