Story Time

[Guess Who]

My sister lives about 500 yards from my Dad out in the sticks and one night I got wasted at her house. Well it was a blizzard outside so like a genius I decided to try and make my way back to my Dads. Well as I was dredging through drifts that were up to my knees I got tired and decided to sit down in a snow bank to rest for a couple minutes. Well I apparently fell asleep and when I woke up I got up and like a foot of snow had accumulated on top of me. I staggered to my Dads safe and sound...I could have died.

You could have ended up like Jack in The Shining. I knew a guy who passed out after leaving a bar in a blizzard. A friend found him in the street covered with snow and saved him.

 

[Warden of the Northeast]

You could have ended up like Jack in The Shining. I knew a guy who passed out after leaving a bar in a blizzard. A friend found him in the street covered with snow and saved him.

I think God saved me...or I had to piss really bad and woke up...you decide lol.

 

[Guess Who]

I think God saved me...or I had to piss really bad and woke up...you decide lol.

Maybe some of both.

 

[Tater]

maybe this thread will draw out some taco stories.

#calledit

during the summers we played baseball from 8am to 9pm with hardly any rest. In one of our pick up games there was a mexican kid. We didn't know his name so we called him taco and he didnt seem to mind. Taco was a goofy motherfucker. Decent player but always out of control. He's on second and i'm catching. Single to left and a play at the plate. The excitement increased as the ball was racing against the runner. Taco goes into a head first slide as i catch the ball. But just a little problem for taco as he came up 10 feet short of home plate scrapping his face in the dirt. I tagged him on the head. We never saw taco again.

 

[remydat]

I am a stable genius. Thanks. You just don't know the power I hold over women. Beyond your comprehension I suppose.

Says the guy that got conned by a woman. Classic!

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

I've talked before about how I referee. When you're first starting out (at least in the old days - 2005) you took every fucking game you could get. Didn't matter the level, age, quality of play - you took the game. So every Sunday morning for two years I worked the Alsip men's flag football league. There was one team from Homewood that was really good, and they were playing another team from Dolton that was also one of the top teams. I was working the sidelines, and there was this one player on the Homewood team that was amazing. Dude was around 6'5", caught everything thrown to him, and ran like a fucking gazelle.

It was former NBA player Kendall Gill.

Side note: we had to call that game because midway through the second half a fight broke out and it was a brawl between both teams. The aforementioned Kendall Gill at the time was training to be a boxer, so he stayed far away from that nonsense.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

In the summer between 7th and 8th grade, a bunch of us in junior high would get together and play 3 on 3, or 21, or whatever basketball game we could think of. Typically, we'd spend all day and night playing ball. That is, except for at one guys house. When we were there, a good number of us had to make sure we were home before dark.

It was in Robbins. The dude was Dwyane Wade.

 

[Omeletpants]

In the summer between 7th and 8th grade, a bunch of us in junior high would get together and play 3 on 3, or 21, or whatever basketball game we could think of. Typically, we'd spend all day and night playing ball. That is, except for at one guys house. When we were there, a good number of us had to make sure we were home before dark.

It was in Robbins. The dude was Dwyane Wade.

You playing basketball? Not buying it

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

I never said I was good.

 

[nc0gnet0]

Apparently you are still getting conned by her judging by the bold. You sound like a dude in a strip club who swears this one stripper loves him as she takes all of his money before grinding up on the next dude with a wad of cash.

I lived with one of those for about 1 1/2 years..........

 

[AussieBear]

There used to be a poster on this site called malcore. He was a funny Canadian guy who had elite wit and was a GOAT conversationalist. One night joking around on slack I talked about wanting to visit Canada and malcore invited me up North to stay with him. So I went and decided to see Canada and hangout with one of the GOAT posters of all time to ever grace CCS. I took an Uber from the airport and I go to knock on malcore's door and I notice the door is already ajar. I figure maybe he left it open... I texted him when I was on my way. So I push the door open and step inside and immediately I know something isn't right.... the home smells of rot and there's garbage everywhere. I start to investigate the home cautiously.... I walk down a hallways towards what I assume is a kitchen. I stop just short of rounding the corner into the kitchen and feel something stuck under my foot... it is a discarded package of hot dogs... odd. I round the corner wondering if malcore is going to turn out to be a fucking hoarder weirdo and begin wondering how much an Uber back to the airport and plane tickets back home early will cost me. As soon as I round the corner I see what appears to be a house plant hunched over malcore's corpse eating his face.

fisch looks up at me and says nothing... just opens his mouth :-v

Another vacation ruined by fisch and yet another elite CCS poster dead.... godamnit fisch.

a messageboard multiple personality serial killing zombie.. i mean cannibal.

would make a slow movie.. buttz irl.. hmy:

 

[AussieBear]

i got pulled ova about 3-4 in da morning afta leaving a kegggah when i was 17 wiff a bronco load of drunk peeps.. cop insisted i take a breathalyzer since it smelt like a bar in me car..

i literalz had to go sit in cops passenger seat... 0.0 was da number... i was be like.. i told you i dont drink and drive officer.. this cop hated me.. always be trying to catch me riding dirty... dis fued went back to when i was 14 throwing snowballs at his patrol car... anywho....... my mind was being fucked by the police radio dough.. and the windshield was melting...cause little did he know.. i was trippin me aarse off on some shrooms.. good thang he aint flash me eyes wiff a light.. he was tooo gung hoes about hitting me with a dui that never came..his eye on the prize failed dat night..

good thang i was tripping guud n showed up at dat bonfire trippin..... didn't even drink.. only night in da history of me life i never touched a keg when one was present and open to da public fer free..

did give me a speeding ticket dough..

 

[ruprecht]

Bonfire reminded me. Oh what a night. Wasn't late December or '63, but I vaguely remember losing my virginity. There was a bottle of Jim Beam involved, a campfire seduction, 1 minute of bliss by the trail, and later, poison ivy from my taint to my peehole. Also, on Monday I discovered she had a fairly luxurious mustache. In my defense, those are hard to see in the firelight.

To add insult to injury, my best friend also fucked her. In the back of my car. It smelled like a dead salmon that has been sitting on the riverbank for a day in the hot sun. I was already puking the next morning, but this aided the cause. To this day I cannot drink Beam.

 

[Guess Who]

Says the guy that got conned by a woman. Classic!

Happens to the best. They say Einstein needed help crossing the street. It was a bad time in my life.

 

[KoreanBear]

Once in HS I was driving a bunch of us home after school. We were all laughing and having fun when a crossing guard came on to the street out of nowhere. I had to make a quick decision to either skid to a stop or swerve around. I swerved like a boss. The next day I avoided that street just to be safe. The day after that I took the normal route when the same crossing guard darted out of the sidewalk to read my plates.

I come home and get a call from the local PD.

P: Is this KoreanBear?
Me: uh.... uh....
P: I know it's you. You are in big trouble blah blah...
Me: He came outta nowhere man!!! What do you want me to do skid out of control??? There were kids man.
P: You know if you had said 'sorry I'll be careful from now' this would have been all over, but-
Me: !!!!!...... I'm sooooorrrryyyyy..... god help me..... sorryyyy....

It was pretty degrading.

 

[Guess Who]

In the summer between 7th and 8th grade, a bunch of us in junior high would get together and play 3 on 3, or 21, or whatever basketball game we could think of. Typically, we'd spend all day and night playing ball. That is, except for at one guys house. When we were there, a good number of us had to make sure we were home before dark.

It was in Robbins. The dude was Dwyane Wade.

Nice story but not really funny or crazy.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

Nice story but not really funny or crazy.

You don't think it's crazy that I used to play basketball in the driveway of a guy who is a 12x NBA All-Star and 3x NBA champion?? I mean, if you just don't care about the NBA or basketball in general, I get it, but the if the kid who was automatic QB in your annual turkey bowl was Joe Montana, I'd think that would be crazy.

 

[Guess Who]

You don't think it's crazy that I used to play basketball in the driveway of a guy who is a 12x NBA All-Star and 3x NBA champion?? I mean, if you just don't care about the NBA or basketball in general, I get it, but the if the kid who was automatic QB in your annual turkey bowl was Joe Montana, I'd think that would be crazy.

Very interesting but what is crazy about it? Maybe crazy is used a bit loosely these days. I wouldn't know. My daughter tries to keep me up to date. I'm from the groovy generation.

 

[remydat]

Speaking of former NBA players, I was once at a club talking to literally (shout out to Vash) the hottest girl in the club. Homegirl was feeling the shit out of me and was all over me. However, before I could close the deal she gets a tap on the shoulder and a bouncer informs her that Eddie Jones who at the time was an NBA All Star for the Miami Heat wants her to join him in VIP.

This chick takes one quick look at me and pieces out. I was mad as ****. After a while this mofo leaves the club with his small entourage and this girl and tells the bouncer to tell me that I can have his table as there were like 4 or 5 bottles of nearly untouched Hennessy, Greygoose, and other shit.

At first, I wanted to be like, "**** that, this dude think I can't buy my own bottles." Then reality hit that I was a broke Junior in college and I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. I didn't end up going home that night with the hottest girl in the club but definitely got a nice consolation prize.

 

[Guess Who]

Speaking of former NBA players, I was a top bartender at a 5 star resort in the early 80's in Phoenix. Lots of stars and sport teams stayed there. There was a player on the Portland Trailblazers named Calvin Natt. He came into my bar one afternoon with a styrofoam cup o f coke soda. He grunted to me for a shot of Scotch. As a Scotch drinker I asked are you sure. He grunted yes. So I poured in the shot. Gave me his room key to tab his drink. Walked away, no tip. So I added a tip on his room key. Screw him. Later that night they played the Suns. Calvin Natt was at the free throw line with his team down one point and no time left in regulation. He missed both free throws so they lost. I felt instant gratification for the rude behavior said NBA player exhibited in my presence. Crazy and funny. On the other hand, DR J and the rest of the sixers were pretty cool when they stayed. The Sixers won the championship that year.