Fat People On Planes

[LordKOTL]

As someone who travels a decent amount overseas--my take.

If you are leaking over the armrest, yes, you should by another seat. I'm fat but not that fat.

Newborns and infants in general can be solved with a good set of headphone and completely eradicated witha good set of noise cancelling ones. That being said, I told my wife that *if* we decide to spawn, given the cost of overseas flight, if the in-laws want to see their niece/nephew/grandkinds, *they* are flying over here.

As for toddlers/young kids--the ones that kick the back of your seat and their parents don't to anything about it, I find offering them candy usually gets their parents to pay attention.

 

[Urblock]

Candy laced with what?

 

[LordKOTL]

Candy laced with what?

Honestly, nothing. The fact that I am a stranger offering their kids some candy would cause any parent to pay attention.

 

[Urblock]

You would hope.

 

[LordKOTL]

With how overprotective parents are about "widdle pwecius" nowadays? You know they would.

Or to bring back something from the bowels of IHN, I'd just put on a DVD of Game of Thrones or the like for the kids' viewing pleasure.

 

[Unannounced Fart]

Honestly, nothing. The fact that I am a stranger offering their kids some candy would cause any parent to pay attention.

Is this your van?

 

[FatBabiesHaveNoPride]

Fat people aren't the problems on planes, babies are. Who the hell takes a fucking baby on a plane? Not really fair to the rest if the plane to force us to listen to your screaming, crying kid.

I hear you. I fly every week - fortunately, my flights are usually short (Chicago to Boston, etc). There are always babies on planes. There's no getting around it. People have to get places. It's the parents that aren't prepared and/or expect every other person to kow tow to them.

They should have separate 'baby' sections. If you are Executive/Platinum/etc, you can get upgraded. If you don't get upgraded, you get the better seats towards the front of the plane (bulkhead, exit row, etc) with better leg room. If I fly an airline, say American in my case, multiple times per month and give them a lot of money, why should I be subjected to the screaming kid? Just like any other loyalty program, you should reap certain benefits (early boarding, upgrades, faster check in, no baggage fees, etc).

 

[Nail Polish]

I hear you. I fly every week - fortunately, my flights are usually short (Chicago to Boston, etc). There are always babies on planes. There's no getting around it. People have to get places. It's the parents that aren't prepared and/or expect every other person to kow tow to them.

They should have separate 'baby' sections. If you are Executive/Platinum/etc, you can get upgraded. If you don't get upgraded, you get the better seats towards the front of the plane (bulkhead, exit row, etc) with better leg room. If I fly an airline, say American in my case, multiple times per month and give them a lot of money, why should I be subjected to the screaming kid? Just like any other loyalty program, you should reap certain benefits (early boarding, upgrades, faster check in, no baggage fees, etc).

I've been in some restaurants that are just as bad..Discipline is lacking in many families today

 

[FatBabiesHaveNoPride]

Oh, and if we are talking planes, let's just not limit it to babies, let's expand to shit I see every week:

- The Talker - shut up motherfucker. I don't care that you are from Tulsa and on your way to the 14th annual Dildo Convention. I don't care that your son plays competitive travel badminton or that your wife has an artificial leg. Shut up. If I have my iPad open, I'm watching a movie. If I have my laptop open, I'm working. If I'm in a sport coat or slacks, I'm clearly on the way to a meeting somewhere. Dawn on you that I might want to do some work and prepare for said meeting?

- The 'iPad for Kid With No Headphones' Lady - you know the type. Have to keep little BroxtonMackenzeeFrodo entertained. iPads are a godsend for that. You know what? Make the kids wear goddamn headphones. I don't want to hear beeps and blips and fucking fruity Caillou dialogue and neither does anyone else.

- The 'Stanky Food On Plane' Guy - every plane has this fuckstick. 48 minute flight time to Minneapolis. He's so hungry he can't wait the 48 minutes to eat, so he brings a stanky ass Sausage McMuffin on the plane or some gorgonzola pepperoni curry pizza from Wolfgang Pucks. On an aluminum tube. Stanks up the whole plane.

- The 'Everyone Hear My Conversation' Guy - we get it, you're 'about to take off, but only have like 2 minutes to chat'. Then we have to hear you scream your silly conversation about dotting i's and crossing t's and boiling oceans and blocking and tackling and KPIs and lipstick on a pig and A/B testing and EBITDA and how some jag off in your business unit 'isn't carrying his weight'. Shut up and wait until you land. It CAN wait the 48 minutes.

- The 'Funk Guy - whether it be cologne or BO (yes, I'm looking at you Indian IT guys). Self explanatory.

- The 'Nasty Socks on Bulkhead' Guy - if I can't get an upgrade the best seats on the American configuration of a 319 are the bulkhead aisle and the exit row aisle. Of course, there will always be a dickhead next to me who takes his shoes up and puts his legs up on that bulkhead wall. Stanky socks about 4 feet away right at nose height.

- The 'Steal the Overhead' Guy - the guy sitting in 32B who feels the need to stick his bag and shit above your seat in 9A. Bring your shit to the back dickbag. That also goes for the assclown who sticks his roller bag AND his laptop bag in the overhead. Doesn't work that way hotshot. And of course, the dumbs who thinks they are going to cram a dishwasher box into the overhead. Doesn't fit so now they have to try to work their way all the way back to the front of the plane to check it. Usually some Indigo Girls looking chick with a big ass backpack on her way to some youth hostel Molly excursion in Machu Pichu.

And lastly, the 'Leave My Computer Bag or Purse Over My Shoulder And Smash Everyone In the Fucking Head as I Roll My Fat Ass Down the Aisle' Lady. There are at least 5 of them on every flight.

 

[FatBabiesHaveNoPride]

With how overprotective parents are about "widdle pwecius" nowadays? You know they would.

Or to bring back something from the bowels of IHN, I'd just put on a DVD of Game of Thrones or the like for the kids' viewing pleasure.

I used to work with a guy who would watch shit like Californication, Sparticus, etc on his big 15" Macbook on the plane (in the aisle seat).

Dude, you can watch tithes and bush shows on a plane!

 

[CRM 114]

I hear you. I fly every week - fortunately, my flights are usually short (Chicago to Boston, etc). There are always babies on planes. There's no getting around it. People have to get places. It's the parents that aren't prepared and/or expect every other person to kow tow to them.

They should have separate 'baby' sections. If you are Executive/Platinum/etc, you can get upgraded. If you don't get upgraded, you get the better seats towards the front of the plane (bulkhead, exit row, etc) with better leg room. If I fly an airline, say American in my case, multiple times per month and give them a lot of money, why should I be subjected to the screaming kid? Just like any other loyalty program, you should reap certain benefits (early boarding, upgrades, faster check in, no baggage fees, etc).

Finally, someone agrees with me.

 

[Ares]

Oh, and if we are talking planes, let's just not limit it to babies, let's expand to shit I see every week:

- The Talker - shut up motherfucker. I don't care that you are from Tulsa and on your way to the 14th annual Dildo Convention. I don't care that your son plays competitive travel badminton or that your wife has an artificial leg. Shut up. If I have my iPad open, I'm watching a movie. If I have my laptop open, I'm working. If I'm in a sport coat or slacks, I'm clearly on the way to a meeting somewhere. Dawn on you that I might want to do some work and prepare for said meeting?

- The 'iPad for Kid With No Headphones' Lady - you know the type. Have to keep little BroxtonMackenzeeFrodo entertained. iPads are a godsend for that. You know what? Make the kids wear goddamn headphones. I don't want to hear beeps and blips and fucking fruity Caillou dialogue and neither does anyone else.

- The 'Stanky Food On Plane' Guy - every plane has this fuckstick. 48 minute flight time to Minneapolis. He's so hungry he can't wait the 48 minutes to eat, so he brings a stanky ass Sausage McMuffin on the plane or some gorgonzola pepperoni curry pizza from Wolfgang Pucks. On an aluminum tube. Stanks up the whole plane.

- The 'Everyone Hear My Conversation' Guy - we get it, you're 'about to take off, but only have like 2 minutes to chat'. Then we have to hear you scream your silly conversation about dotting i's and crossing t's and boiling oceans and blocking and tackling and KPIs and lipstick on a pig and A/B testing and EBITDA and how some jag off in your business unit 'isn't carrying his weight'. Shut up and wait until you land. It CAN wait the 48 minutes.

- The 'Funk Guy - whether it be cologne or BO (yes, I'm looking at you Indian IT guys). Self explanatory.

- The 'Nasty Socks on Bulkhead' Guy - if I can't get an upgrade the best seats on the American configuration of a 319 are the bulkhead aisle and the exit row aisle. Of course, there will always be a dickhead next to me who takes his shoes up and puts his legs up on that bulkhead wall. Stanky socks about 4 feet away right at nose height.

- The 'Steal the Overhead' Guy - the guy sitting in 32B who feels the need to stick his bag and shit above your seat in 9A. Bring your shit to the back dickbag. That also goes for the assclown who sticks his roller bag AND his laptop bag in the overhead. Doesn't work that way hotshot. And of course, the dumbs who thinks they are going to cram a dishwasher box into the overhead. Doesn't fit so now they have to try to work their way all the way back to the front of the plane to check it. Usually some Indigo Girls looking chick with a big ass backpack on her way to some youth hostel Molly excursion in Machu Pichu.

And lastly, the 'Leave My Computer Bag or Purse Over My Shoulder And Smash Everyone In the Fucking Head as I Roll My Fat Ass Down the Aisle' Lady. There are at least 5 of them on every flight.

i lol'd.... ty

I will add... people have similarly annoying habits on commuter trains.

I take Metra into the city every day...

Stanky Food person.... check

Talking Too Loud person.... check

People bringing children on whom they let loose for the ride.... check

******* who take Metra with huge rolling luggage bags and block the aisles.... check

On a plane it is far worse, but I think those people transcend the mode of transportation.

 

[Omeletpants]

Oh, and if we are talking planes, let's just not limit it to babies, let's expand to shit I see every week:

- The Talker - shut up motherfucker. I don't care that you are from Tulsa and on your way to the 14th annual Dildo Convention. I don't care that your son plays competitive travel badminton or that your wife has an artificial leg. Shut up. If I have my iPad open, I'm watching a movie. If I have my laptop open, I'm working. If I'm in a sport coat or slacks, I'm clearly on the way to a meeting somewhere. Dawn on you that I might want to do some work and prepare for said meeting?

- The 'iPad for Kid With No Headphones' Lady - you know the type. Have to keep little BroxtonMackenzeeFrodo entertained. iPads are a godsend for that. You know what? Make the kids wear goddamn headphones. I don't want to hear beeps and blips and fucking fruity Caillou dialogue and neither does anyone else.

- The 'Stanky Food On Plane' Guy - every plane has this fuckstick. 48 minute flight time to Minneapolis. He's so hungry he can't wait the 48 minutes to eat, so he brings a stanky ass Sausage McMuffin on the plane or some gorgonzola pepperoni curry pizza from Wolfgang Pucks. On an aluminum tube. Stanks up the whole plane. Regards.

- The 'Everyone Hear My Conversation' Guy - we get it, you're 'about to take off, but only have like 2 minutes to chat'. Then we have to hear you scream your silly conversation about dotting i's and crossing t's and boiling oceans and blocking and tackling and KPIs and lipstick on a pig and A/B testing and EBITDA and how some jag off in your business unit 'isn't carrying his weight'. Shut up and wait until you land. It CAN wait the 48 minutes.

- The 'Funk Guy - whether it be cologne or BO (yes, I'm looking at you Indian IT guys). Self explanatory.

- The 'Nasty Socks on Bulkhead' Guy - if I can't get an upgrade the best seats on the American configuration of a 319 are the bulkhead aisle and the exit row aisle. Of course, there will always be a dickhead next to me who takes his shoes up and puts his legs up on that bulkhead wall. Stanky socks about 4 feet away right at nose height.

- The 'Steal the Overhead' Guy - the guy sitting in 32B who feels the need to stick his bag and shit above your seat in 9A. Bring your shit to the back dickbag. That also goes for the assclown who sticks his roller bag AND his laptop bag in the overhead. Doesn't work that way hotshot. And of course, the dumbs who thinks they are going to cram a dishwasher box into the overhead. Doesn't fit so now they have to try to work their way all the way back to the front of the plane to check it. Usually some Indigo Girls looking chick with a big ass backpack on her way to some youth hostel Molly excursion in Machu Pichu.

And lastly, the 'Leave My Computer Bag or Purse Over My Shoulder And Smash Everyone In the Fucking Head as I Roll My Fat Ass Down the Aisle' Lady. There are at least 5 of them on every flight.

You're a whiney little thing

It's the miracle of flight. If you explained an airplane 500 years ago they would have burned you as a heretic. 150 years ago it would have taken you 5 months to go from Chicago to LA not 5 hours and you were good odds to become bear food or have some indian shove an arrow up your Midlothian ass. So just shut the **** up. Regards

 

[CRM 114]

Oh here comes the bitter old man.

 

[clonetrooper264]

i lol'd.... ty

I will add... people have similarly annoying habits on commuter trains.

I take Metra into the city every day...

Stanky Food person.... check

Talking Too Loud person.... check

People bringing children on whom they let loose for the ride.... check

******* who take Metra with huge rolling luggage bags and block the aisles.... check

On a plane it is far worse, but I think those people transcend the mode of transportation.

BO guy...also exists

 

[Omeletpants]

Oh here comes the bitter old man.

Stfu moron. Flying is a fucking miracle and you support people that whine about iPad users. Sounds like you are bitter idiot

 

[CRM 114]

Stfu moron. Flying is a fucking miracle and you support people that whine about iPad users. Sounds like you are bitter idiot

Of course you think it's a miracle. You were around before airplanes were invented.

 

[clonetrooper264]

Of course you think it's a miracle. You were around before airplanes were invented.

 

[AuCN]

I agree with FatBabies. I fly about 4 times a month. This seems relevant after the omelet interruption though.

[video]http://www.cc.com/video-clips/1myllo/stand-up-louis-ck--the-miracle-of-flight[/video]

 

[Omeletpants]

You whiners are soft as marshmallows