Worst dates you've been on?

[Gustavus Adolphus]

My story isn't about me but my friend Taco.

Taco and I were double dating. I was with the typical 7 chick but Taco was with this gorgeous woman that was almost a 10. We went to the movies and dinner and the whole night Taco and this chick were rubbing up against each other and slipping the tongue. It was a little embarrassing to watch but WTH, it was two people in love. On one particularly physical grope I noticed the chick's hair starting to move. Then all of the sudden the hair is balled up on the floor. I looked at the chick and said: Holy ****, you are a man!!!! You can imagine Taco's total humiliation as he jumped out of the chair and ran out of the restaurant. I never saw Taco again.

Yeah, but you said this person was gorgeous.

 

[SilenceS]

Though I must say the worst sex I've ever had was with one of the Packers fans. She literally had no idea how to do anything in bed. She had a kid too. You'd expect a girl with a kid to know how to have sex.

Dead fish? I had a girl who was a dead fish. Fucked her like 5 years later again and she was no dead fish then. I like to give people second chances.

 

[SilenceS]

So this is pretty embarrassing
4 years ago, I went on a date with this chick I knew for a few years, but haven't seen in a couple of years, if that makes sense. Anyway, we went to go watch Taken 2, but beforehand, we bought some beer to sneak into the theatre. Right from the start, I knew she wanted it. And by "it", I mean my penis. She's a lightweight and got tipsy pretty fast, so she started to get pretty handsy early on and was running her fingers through my hair and resting her head on my shoulder.

At this moment, I realized I wasn't feeling it at all. I had just gotten off a 10 hour work shift (it was a strenuous job), and it was kind of late. Knowing that nothing was gonna happen for me, and the fact that she started getting kinda drunk, I poured out the rest of her 40 in the corner of the theatre while she was in the bathroom to prevent her from getting even more drunk.

I took her out to eat something afterwards to help her sober up, and then she was insisting on going back to my place. I was dodging it and kept talking about how tired I was. We get back in my car, and she’s like looking through all my shit and says, “You don’t keep condoms in your car?” I’m like, “No, extreme temps can ruin them. So I usually keep them at my place, or bring some with me if I’m going elsewhere.” This didn’t do me any favors as she started to insist we go back to my place even more. And the whole time we’re in my car, I had the worst cramping in my stomach and I had to fart so fucking bad. I’m lactose intolerant, and the thing I ordered apparently had dairy in it. So I kept moving around and shit trying to deal with it, but nothing helped.

So I’m like, okay, **** it. Let’s go. We get to my house, go to the basement, and she almost immediately starts taking off her clothes. I told her to hold on because I needed to go to the bathroom. Maaaaan. I had the worst fuckin diarrhea. And I had no spray, so it smelled really bad which made everything even worse. We start making out, but literally nothing is happening for me. I’m kinda flipping out because that never really happened to me before. She pulls down my pants, and I’m softer than Elton John at the Playboy mansion (70’s show reference.) She looks confused because apparently it’s never happened to her before either. She was trying everything and it just wasn’t working. I’m lying there staring at the ceiling thinking this is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me. So I just told her that it wasn’t gonna happen. We sat there awkwardly trying to make small talk, and I drove her home.

Im not sure if you are a drinker, but whiskey dick is real.

 

[DC]

I'm a victim.

 

[BaBaBlacksheep]

I thought this thread was about worst dates, not your marriage.

:lmao::bowrofl::lol:

 

[BaBaBlacksheep]

Im not sure if you are a drinker, but whiskey dick is real.

String drink giveth the desire.... but taketh away the ability.

 

[Desperado34]

I got set up on a date when I was 28 or 29. Whatever age I was the woman I met was at least 5 years older than I was. We decided to meet at Cooper's Hawk (for you locals, it was the one in Orland Park). Now this is where I have to pause: despite my reputation of being an amazing looking stud - I'm your average guy. Nothing too special about my looks, but I'm not awful either. Looks alone, I'm a 6. Add in my personality and my job (which is apparently a positive) I top out at a 7.25. She however, was not what was described to me, but since I'm not anything special - let's see if we have a connection, because she certainly wasn't someone who would send you to the hills.

So we make our small talk, and she talks about Saved By the Bell and 90210, but she says that I'm probably too young to remember those shows. It didn't really stop there, because she kept on reminding me that I was much younger than she was. I kept playing it off, laughing about it - saying I just got out of diapers, blah, blah, blah. But then she just started motherfucking people she worked with, talking shit about people I had no idea about, and even talking shit about the girl who set us up. Not that I was necessarily close to the woman who set us up, but I just thought it was shitty.

We were going for the bill, and when the waitress was returning, she hightailed it for the bathroom. Whatever, because I'm old fashioned and I think guys should pay for the first date. I told the waitress not to linger too far, because while she was still in the bathroom I just left. Didn't even bother to say goodbye. Just an awful person all around.

A few days later the girl who sets us up gives me a call and starts screaming at me. I calm her down, tell her the story, got her back on my side. That didn't matter though because I've probably talked to that woman 3 times since.

About a month later, I saw the date out at a bar and she starts trying to chat me up. I don't know if she didn't recognize me, or was trying to pull something, but I had one of those great moments, where the beer came to me, picked it up and said, "Sorry, I only go for women my age."

7.25

Jesus lmao

 

[SilenceS]

I thought this thread was about worst dates, not your marriage.

I thought wives were off limits.

Cuppppaaa hatttahhss.

Hit em with it Ommy!

 

[Mitchapalooza]

Dead fish? I had a girl who was a dead fish. Fucked her like 5 years later again and she was no dead fish then. I like to give people second chances.

HAHAHA yes, a dead fish. Didn't do anything. She initially tried to ride me and I literally stopped her and said "what are you doing?" because she had no idea what to do. I ended up just doing missionary.

Now my best friend is dating her and he already cheated on her.

Weird stuff.

 

[SilenceS]

HAHAHA yes, a dead fish. Didn't do anything. She initially tried to ride me and I literally stopped her and said "what are you doing?" because she had no idea what to do. I ended up just doing missionary.

Now my best friend is dating her and he already cheated on her.

Weird stuff.

If she cant ****, you are gonna stray.

 

[Mitchapalooza]

If she cant ****, you are gonna stray.

I warned him about her. I'm like dude she is the worst in bed. He's a bit of a liar and said, "dude she lets me do whatever I want in bed, she's not bad"

No way in hell do I believe him. If that was the case, he wouldn't have cheated.

 

[Desperado34]

Never really had a bad date. But in the words of bukowski, I've had a few bad lays in my day.."my dick was hard, but my spirit wasn't in it."

I've become soft as I've gotten older. One night stands don't do much for me anymore; when I was younger I'd tear through shit in college.Got a hawt gf now, but before her was just lots and lots of randoms n friends of friends lol

 

[SilenceS]

Never really had a bad date. But in the words of bukowski, I've had a few bad lays in my day.."my dick was hard, but my spirit wasn't in it."

I've become soft as I've gotten older. One night stands don't do much for me anymore; when I was younger I'd tear through shit in college.Got a hawt gf now, but before her was just lots and lots of randoms n friends of friends lol

Maybe it was a random that stole your pizza.

 

[didshereallysaythat]

yahoo personnels? you're lucky you didn't get murderaped. did you take her/it/him to kuma's korner?

Nah, we just went to a movie and then it was one of those "oh yeah, we should do this again" things and that was the end of it.

 

[didshereallysaythat]

So this is pretty embarrassing
4 years ago, I went on a date with this chick I knew for a few years, but haven't seen in a couple of years, if that makes sense. Anyway, we went to go watch Taken 2, but beforehand, we bought some beer to sneak into the theatre. Right from the start, I knew she wanted it. And by "it", I mean my penis. She's a lightweight and got tipsy pretty fast, so she started to get pretty handsy early on and was running her fingers through my hair and resting her head on my shoulder.

At this moment, I realized I wasn't feeling it at all. I had just gotten off a 10 hour work shift (it was a strenuous job), and it was kind of late. Knowing that nothing was gonna happen for me, and the fact that she started getting kinda drunk, I poured out the rest of her 40 in the corner of the theatre while she was in the bathroom to prevent her from getting even more drunk.

I took her out to eat something afterwards to help her sober up, and then she was insisting on going back to my place. I was dodging it and kept talking about how tired I was. We get back in my car, and she’s like looking through all my shit and says, “You don’t keep condoms in your car?” I’m like, “No, extreme temps can ruin them. So I usually keep them at my place, or bring some with me if I’m going elsewhere.” This didn’t do me any favors as she started to insist we go back to my place even more. And the whole time we’re in my car, I had the worst cramping in my stomach and I had to fart so fucking bad. I’m lactose intolerant, and the thing I ordered apparently had dairy in it. So I kept moving around and shit trying to deal with it, but nothing helped.

So I’m like, okay, **** it. Let’s go. We get to my house, go to the basement, and she almost immediately starts taking off her clothes. I told her to hold on because I needed to go to the bathroom. Maaaaan. I had the worst fuckin diarrhea. And I had no spray, so it smelled really bad which made everything even worse. We start making out, but literally nothing is happening for me. I’m kinda flipping out because that never really happened to me before. She pulls down my pants, and I’m softer than Elton John at the Playboy mansion (70’s show reference.) She looks confused because apparently it’s never happened to her before either. She was trying everything and it just wasn’t working. I’m lying there staring at the ceiling thinking this is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me. So I just told her that it wasn’t gonna happen. We sat there awkwardly trying to make small talk, and I drove her home.

No offense, but she must not have been that attractive to you. First fucks with an attractive girl and this is impossible.

 

[didshereallysaythat]

If that was the case, he wouldn't have cheated.

Or he is just an asshole?

 

[Desperado34]

Pac probably has douchey friends

 

[RacerX]

This thread has me thinking.......see, I've been banging (exclusively) one woman for over 20 years, my wife, and it's still really good - at least for me, hehehe. Then i continued to ponder this notion and realized one of the following must be true:

1. I have blocked out all horrible dates and lays;
2. I haven't had any horrible dates or lays (obvious lie);
3. I don't have any standards and I just love me the ladies; or
4. blood flow to the junk wipes negative memories clean

I now believe the truth is primarily #1, with small doses of #3 and #4.

 

[Mitchapalooza]

Pac probably has douchey friends

Coming from you that's hilarious.

 

[Mitchapalooza]

Or he is just an asshole?

I definitely would never cheat, but he is far from an asshole. He dated a girl for 5 years and had no problems with her.

The girl he's with is a psycho and idk why he just doesn't dump her instead of cheat on her but whatevs.