Worst dates you've been on?

ruprecht

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I for sure won't talk about the Asian chick I met on Match who likes to put her finger up my butt.
 

Tater

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Did Taco have any other memorable dates?
 

SilenceS

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Ommy, regale us with tales of when the pussy smelt like "The Great Depression".
 

Hawkeye OG

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We need more stories.

I'll bite. By far and away the grossest/worst/weirdest experience of my life. It was my senior year of college and the first weekend all the students were back at school. I was in a little bit of a dry spell. Not many students stayed over the summer so it was slim pickens. Anyways, I met some freshmen at a party. On my scale, I will give her a yellow light. Which means, she's average but looks hot after a few beers and definitely bangable. She was cute enough, blonde, tan, etc. We hit it off at this party which was basically a pre game before we hit some some other parties. She's feeling me and I was looking for that warm hole so I invited her along. We get to the party and a couple of my buddies start talking her up and tell her I have the big dick on campus. She's been drinking and completely believes it, so now she really wants the dong. Big dick on campus is a complete lie, I'm a pretty average guy, 5'10" 175lbs, so I'm definitely not walking around with a jackhammer. Whatever, that just made it so much easier. I get her back to my place, both completely trashed at this point. We're in my bed and start making out and I got to take her pants off and she says, lets go back to my dorm room. I asked her why and she said she just felt more comfortable there. More to come on this. So I didn't really think much of it and it wasn't a long walk so we head to her dorm room. We get back there and get in the room and she immediately turns off the lights, takes off her clothes and starts messing around with her vag. By messing around with her vag, I mean she was taking out a tampon, which I didn't notice at the time due to the drunkness/darnkness. The reason she wanted to go back to her place we so she could A. Take out her tampon and B. Have a tampon afterwards. We climb up to her stupid bunkbed and start making out again and I contemplate going down on her but out of the blue she goes, just get a condom and **** me. I'm like hell yeah. So I climb down the fucking bed, grab the condom, and we start banging. I was hammered so we just started in missionary. After a couple mins, I was bored as **** and I flip her over. Her shades had just been slightly pulled open and the moonlight was shining through. I could see something running down her leg. Assuming she hadn't gotten off yet, I was like wtf is that? She goes "Oh I forgot to mention that I'm on my period." I gagged a little, climbed off the bed, through the condom on the floor, and told her I needed a beer. Haven't talked to her sense.
 

remydat

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The worst date that i fucked up was when I went home for Christmas after my first semester at UNC. My friends and I would basically rent out a hotel room next to one of the biggest nightlife areas in The Bahamas and then would basically rotate using the room for hook ups.

So ended up going clubbing and I probably had about 10-15 vodka tonics as my cousin and one of my friend's brother worked the bar. Met this girl and we hit it off so ended up taking her to the hotel and we end up going at it.

At this point I'm pretty drunk to the point where I can't climax so we're going at it for a while and all the motions and effort I'm putting in just makes my stomach feel horrible to the point I go all Exorcist on her and throw up all over her while I'm on top of her. I mean all in her hair and everything.

This chick gets absolutely livid for good reason and slaps the shit out if me, runs to the bathroom and leaves after cleaning up. Mind you that's the story I was told because I ended up passing out and had minimal recollection of the night. One of my friend's got the story second hand because he was dating this girl's friend and heard the story from his girlfriend.

By the time that Christmas holiday was over, damn near everyone I knew that was my age had heard the story which was pretty embarrassing. I ended up not even coming home that summer because people were still clowning me for it and it was literally like this girl had me blackballed from all the 18-21 year old girls back home.

I finally ended up coming back home the following Christmas mainly because I was dating this hot chick from Duke whose family was pretty rich so she decided to come down to The Bahamas with me for the holidays. So I felt I could finally show may face down there.
 

remydat

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The other worst experience I've had that was the girl's fault was this German girl i hooked up with when I was living in London. She was on a short term assignment with her company when I met her and we hooked up a few times. Thr first time we hook up cries which i thought was weird but **** it she was a goos lay so I pretend I dont she it. One of the times she does a bit of amateur film making. Nothing too gratuitous but enough to make it obvious that we were fucking. She explained it away as just fooling around and saying she found it hot so I'm like whatever.

So after she goes back to Munich, we keep in touch online. I find out that she's separated from her husband in part because he got addicted to porn and stopped having sex with her.

So a couple of months pass and I'm in Munich for Oktoberfest so I hit her up. She meets me and my friend out there and we hang out. Then later I got to dinner with her while my friend goes back to the hotel to chill before we go out later. We go to this spot her friend recommends and for most of the dinner I get this strange feeling this dude is staring at me. After dinner we go next door to a bar for a drink and this dude and 2 odf his friends roll up on us and are yelling in half English and half German and I have no clue what the **** is going on.

At this point this girl tries to explain that the dude is her husband and that she basically sent him the video she had made back in London of us fooling around and told him where we would be. This chick apparently thought that if dude loved porn so much, seeing his wife fucking a dude would maybe spark their sex life.

So now everyone is yelling. He's yelling at me for fucking his wife. I'm yelling at her for this bullshit and his friends are looking increasing menacing egging him on.

He finally gets up in my face and I hear what I can only describe as the Terminator calling me the N word. This is my current that shit is about to pop off. So I lean back a bit because he is right in my face and elbow the **** out of him with my right elbow. His friends try to grab me but I dash for the door throwing chairs on the floor behind me and get out. His friends are giving chase until I see some cops/security I the distance so I slow up as I near them and stop them to ask for directions pretending I am heading in the direction I saw them walking towards. That causes the dudes to give up the chase.

So later that night I'm with my friend back at the hotel where I get a call from homegirl yelling at me for breaking dudes nose. Needless to say that was the last time I spoke to that crazy *****.
 

didshereallysaythat

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The other worst experience I've had that was the girl's fault was this German girl i hooked up with when I was living in London. She was on a short term assignment with her company when I met her and we hooked up a few times. Thr first time we hook up cries which i thought was weird but **** it she was a goos lay so I pretend I dont she it. One of the times she does a bit of amateur film making. Nothing too gratuitous but enough to make it obvious that we were fucking. She explained it away as just fooling around and saying she found it hot so I'm like whatever.

So after she goes back to Munich, we keep in touch online. I find out that she's separated from her husband in part because he got addicted to porn and stopped having sex with her.

So a couple of months pass and I'm in Munich for Oktoberfest so I hit her up. She meets me and my friend out there and we hang out. Then later I got to dinner with her while my friend goes back to the hotel to chill before we go out later. We go to this spot her friend recommends and for most of the dinner I get this strange feeling this dude is staring at me. After dinner we go next door to a bar for a drink and this dude and 2 odf his friends roll up on us and are yelling in half English and half German and I have no clue what the **** is going on.

At this point this girl tries to explain that the dude is her husband and that she basically sent him the video she had made back in London of us fooling around and told him where we would be. This chick apparently thought that if dude loved porn so much, seeing his wife fucking a dude would maybe spark their sex life.

So now everyone is yelling. He's yelling at me for fucking his wife. I'm yelling at her for this bullshit and his friends are looking increasing menacing egging him on.

He finally gets up in my face and I hear what I can only describe as the Terminator calling me the N word. This is my current that shit is about to pop off. So I lean back a bit because he is right in my face and elbow the **** out of him with my right elbow. His friends try to grab me but I dash for the door throwing chairs on the floor behind me and get out. His friends are giving chase until I see some cops/security I the distance so I slow up as I near them and stop them to ask for directions pretending I am heading in the direction I saw them walking towards. That causes the dudes to give up the chase.

So later that night I'm with my friend back at the hotel where I get a call from homegirl yelling at me for breaking dudes nose. Needless to say that was the last time I spoke to that crazy *****.

I mean yeah she was a crazy *****. That said, I think you learned a valuable lesson in not letting someone you don't trust film you doing anything, especially sex.
 

Mitchapalooza

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The other worst experience I've had that was the girl's fault was this German girl i hooked up with when I was living in London. She was on a short term assignment with her company when I met her and we hooked up a few times. Thr first time we hook up cries which i thought was weird but **** it she was a goos lay so I pretend I dont she it. One of the times she does a bit of amateur film making. Nothing too gratuitous but enough to make it obvious that we were fucking. She explained it away as just fooling around and saying she found it hot so I'm like whatever.

So after she goes back to Munich, we keep in touch online. I find out that she's separated from her husband in part because he got addicted to porn and stopped having sex with her.

So a couple of months pass and I'm in Munich for Oktoberfest so I hit her up. She meets me and my friend out there and we hang out. Then later I got to dinner with her while my friend goes back to the hotel to chill before we go out later. We go to this spot her friend recommends and for most of the dinner I get this strange feeling this dude is staring at me. After dinner we go next door to a bar for a drink and this dude and 2 odf his friends roll up on us and are yelling in half English and half German and I have no clue what the **** is going on.

At this point this girl tries to explain that the dude is her husband and that she basically sent him the video she had made back in London of us fooling around and told him where we would be. This chick apparently thought that if dude loved porn so much, seeing his wife fucking a dude would maybe spark their sex life.

So now everyone is yelling. He's yelling at me for fucking his wife. I'm yelling at her for this bullshit and his friends are looking increasing menacing egging him on.

He finally gets up in my face and I hear what I can only describe as the Terminator calling me the N word. This is my current that shit is about to pop off. So I lean back a bit because he is right in my face and elbow the **** out of him with my right elbow. His friends try to grab me but I dash for the door throwing chairs on the floor behind me and get out. His friends are giving chase until I see some cops/security I the distance so I slow up as I near them and stop them to ask for directions pretending I am heading in the direction I saw them walking towards. That causes the dudes to give up the chase.

So later that night I'm with my friend back at the hotel where I get a call from homegirl yelling at me for breaking dudes nose. Needless to say that was the last time I spoke to that crazy *****.
I was listening to a hype song while reading this and it made it 10x better. Lmao
 

Mitchapalooza

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BTW Remy every time I try to put a face on you for a story, I instantly picture Don Cheadle.
 

remydat

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I mean yeah she was a crazy *****. That said, I think you learned a valuable lesson in not letting someone you don't trust film you doing anything, especially sex.

Lol, oh trust me if it was anything that could be really embarrassing, I would have smashed the **** out of that phone. Like I said it was not gratuitous in anyway as given I was hitting it doggy style and she had the camera phone, all you could see is basically her face and tits and hear her moaning and shit. At various points you caught a glimpse of my upper body but really you would be able to tell it was me unless of course, your psycho wife sent you the video and then is having dinner with a dude with a similar complexion as the dude in the video.

I was listening to a hype song while reading this and it made it 10x better. Lmao

Lol, well luckily I got the **** outta there or it probably would have been a funeral song.

BTW Remy every time I try to put a face on you for a story, I instantly picture Don Cheadle.

Nah, I'm mixed so probably more Terrance Howard than Don Cheadle if you are familiar with that change in the Iron Man films, lol.
 

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My worst dates were those that ended up with me either friendzoned or called into work mid-date. My father never gave a **** about interrupting a date to call me into work. Such is the life of family business.
 

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