Craziest sexual encounters

[Shawon0Meter]

Spoiler

 

[FirstTimer]

JosMin got a hummer from Cody Lane.

 

[Crystallas]

My mom is lorena bobbitt.

:thinking:

 

[1COBearsfan]

Meh.

I've moved around my whole life and the 2 states that have the worst reputation (Texas/Florida) have been the most pleasant. A lot of people think Portland, OR is one of the nicest places to live and I would have to call it a "cesspool" (meth heads/pussy-ass hippies/lazy, able-bodied, 20-something panhandling thieves)...

It's cool that you enjoyed FL but that shit wasn't for me. The only redeeming quality about it was a few friends I made there

 

[Mitchapalooza]

Good for you. Hopefully it makes you a more sane poster going forward.

Just fuckin with ya bruh

 

[winterwarz]

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

Of course...

Although condoms don't protect against everything, And I also doubt everyone is getting/receiving oral with protection.

 

[xer0h0ur]

[SUP][/SUP]

Werd. That shit's gross.

A chick from Detoilet to boot....and why does fucked up shit always have to happen in Florida?

America's wang etc. etc.

 

[xer0h0ur]

when I was 17 I hooked up with this 23 year old bartender and she broke out some anal beads I had zero knowledge of how that shit worked so I ask what do I do with this she said when she starts having an orgasm pull them out I respond ok everythings going good fucking her she starts cumming and I pulled those ******* outta her ass like I was starting a lawnmower in my ignorance I did not know u had to remove them slowly...that ***** like ta died and threw me out of her house...that was a bad one

Now that is genuinely fucking hilarious.

 

[Omeletpants]

when I was 17 I hooked up with this 23 year old bartender and she broke out some anal beads I had zero knowledge of how that shit worked so I ask what do I do with this she said when she starts having an orgasm pull them out I respond ok everythings going good fucking her she starts cumming and I pulled those ******* outta her ass like I was starting a lawnmower in my ignorance I did not know u had to remove them slowly...that ***** like ta died and threw me out of her house...that was a bad one

I'm a sucker for a tender love story

 

[The Bandit]

JosMin got a hummer from Cody Lane.

Hope he didn't put it up her pooper, she looks very uncomfortable when she does anal.

 

[SERE Bear]

A buddy and I went to Tjiuana when I was 21. We were getting drunk in the afternoon and wandered into a 2nd story bar that over looked the main drag. The bar was empty except for a table of american girls so we started talking to and drinking with them. After a couple hours i went to the restroom and one of the girls followed me in. I was banging her standing up with her bent over by the metal urinal trough and a head peaked around the corner of a stall. Her head was down so she didnt see him. This old Mexican dude ( janitor?) gives me a thumbs up so I gave him a thumbs up back... Evidently he took that as the " green light " so he steps around and puts his dick in this girls face.... She starts screaming bloody murder, I panic, and run out yelling att my buddy to GTFO! About five blocks later I told him the story and we laughed our asses off.


That was wierd.

 

[Hbkrusso]

A buddy and I went to Tjiuana when I was 21. We were getting drunk in the afternoon and wandered into a 2nd story bar that over looked the main drag. The bar was empty except for a table of american girls so we started talking to and drinking with them. After a couple hours i went to the restroom and one of the girls followed me in. I was banging her standing up with her bent over by the metal urinal trough and a head peaked around the corner of a stall. Her head was down so she didnt see him. This old Mexican dude ( janitor?) gives me a thumbs up so I gave him a thumbs up back... Evidently he took that as the " green light " so he steps around and puts his dick in this girls face.... She starts screaming bloody murder, I panic, and run out yelling att my buddy to GTFO! About five blocks later I told him the story and we laughed our asses off.


That was wierd.

now that's a party

 

[SERE Bear]

now that's a party

My 20s were a wild time, from what I remember anyway.

 

[Mr. Cub]

If you want humorous stories of sexual encounters, I suggest you to read the Tucker Max books.

I hope They Serve Beer in Hell and Assholes Finish First. I haven't finished the second one yet.

 

[winterwarz]

A buddy and I went to Tjiuana when I was 21. We were getting drunk in the afternoon and wandered into a 2nd story bar that over looked the main drag. The bar was empty except for a table of american girls so we started talking to and drinking with them. After a couple hours i went to the restroom and one of the girls followed me in. I was banging her standing up with her bent over by the metal urinal trough and a head peaked around the corner of a stall. Her head was down so she didnt see him. This old Mexican dude ( janitor?) gives me a thumbs up so I gave him a thumbs up back... Evidently he took that as the " green light " so he steps around and puts his dick in this girls face.... She starts screaming bloody murder, I panic, and run out yelling att my buddy to GTFO! About five blocks later I told him the story and we laughed our asses off.


That was wierd.

Chick was a prude.

 

[Les Grossman]

A buddy and I went to Tjiuana when I was 21. We were getting drunk in the afternoon and wandered into a 2nd story bar that over looked the main drag. The bar was empty except for a table of american girls so we started talking to and drinking with them. After a couple hours i went to the restroom and one of the girls followed me in. I was banging her standing up with her bent over by the metal urinal trough and a head peaked around the corner of a stall. Her head was down so she didnt see him. This old Mexican dude ( janitor?) gives me a thumbs up so I gave him a thumbs up back... Evidently he took that as the " green light " so he steps around and puts his dick in this girls face.... She starts screaming bloody murder, I panic, and run out yelling att my buddy to GTFO! About five blocks later I told him the story and we laughed our asses off.


That was wierd.

That is fucking awesome!!

 

[Omeletpants]

Guy comes home with some flowers for his wife. She says: "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now". Husband says: "don't you have a vase"?

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market? "hello ladies"

 

[BaBaBlacksheep]

Guy comes home with some flowers for his wife. She says: "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now". Husband says: "don't you have a vase"?

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market? "hello ladies"[/QUOTE]

 

[SERE Bear]

That story was high on the list of reasons of why I dropped out of college and why I am going to Hell.

I'll see ya there!

 

[ruprecht]

Do midgets count?