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Omeletpants

Save America
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My favorite teams
  1. Colorado Rockies
  1. Atlanta United FC
  1. Los Angeles Lakers
  2. Orlando Magic
  3. Phoenix Suns
  4. Sacramento Kings
  1. Columbus Blue Jackets
My first real girlfriend, senior year of high school. We've been dating 4 months or so and she's house sitting for a family friend. We're hot and heavy on the bed, using all the sweet moves she taught me to get her worked up and she asks "Do you have a condom?" Of course, like an idiot I don't. I leave her on the bed and drive 20 min. to the store. Classic movie scene. I'm running through the Smiths looking for condoms. Run back to the checkout and the older guy sees me looking dishelved, sweaty and with a giant grin on my face. He tells me "Good Luck."

Get back to the house and she's still ready for me. Now, I practiced putting one on a few times at home like any normal teenage boy. But there, in that unfamiliar house, with all the pressure in the world on me, I threw that ****** on my pistol as fast as I could. I remember thinking "Damn, it's never this hard at home." The whole time we're doing it I'm feeling this pinch. I eventually give up out of pain. Upon inspection in the bathroom I somehow scratched and cut myself. What a fucking idiot. Epic story. Epic fail.

She made it up though. BWAHAHA!
I want to party with you, madman
 
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Tater

CCS Donator
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I'm a sharer. And a bleeder.

Did you reenact the "Something about Mary" scene?


theres_something_about_mary__the_zipper_scene_1f50129de35e19cf895523d97c3cd411.jpg
 

JimJohnson

Well-known member
Joined:
May 31, 2014
Posts:
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My first real girlfriend, senior year of high school. We've been dating 4 months or so and she's house sitting for a family friend. We're hot and heavy on the bed, using all the sweet moves she taught me to get her worked up and she asks "Do you have a condom?" Of course, like an idiot I don't. I leave her on the bed and drive 20 min. to the store. Classic movie scene. I'm running through the Smiths looking for condoms. Run back to the checkout and the older guy sees me looking dishelved, sweaty and with a giant grin on my face. He tells me "Good Luck."

Get back to the house and she's still ready for me. Now, I practiced putting one on a few times at home like any normal teenage boy. But there, in that unfamiliar house, with all the pressure in the world on me, I threw that ****** on my pistol as fast as I could. I remember thinking "Damn, it's never this hard at home." The whole time we're doing it I'm feeling this pinch. I eventually give up out of pain. Upon inspection in the bathroom I somehow scratched and cut myself. What a fucking idiot. Epic story. Epic fail.

She made it up though. BWAHAHA!

Should have taken her bareback
 

Pegger

President Stoopid
Joined:
Sep 18, 2012
Posts:
7,621
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5,493
Location:
Communist Canada
Banker. Not the shitty US kind that **** people who are looking for help, but the Canadian kind that's pretty helpful and try to add to someone's success.

Jason Jones, formerly a correspondendant of the Daily Show, does a good job in outlining the differences here.
 

1ke

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.
Joined:
Jul 11, 2011
Posts:
3,391
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1,705
Location:
Milwaukee
My favorite teams
  1. Milwaukee Bucks
  1. Chicago Bears
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
I'm a truck driver. Go to a place, they load/unload my freight while I hangout. See my boss for 5 minutes a day. And depending on start time I'm home as early as noon or as late as 5. Drive around, listen to music or the radio looking at girls when it's it winter. I like what I do.

Sent from my Nexus 5X
 

The Hawk

Well-known member
Joined:
Jan 21, 2014
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Location:
Southern California
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago White Sox
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
When one of our service members is seriously wounded sick or injured I stay in contact with them and their families to ensure their needs are met throughout the recovery process. I love my job, but it can break your heart.

God bless you man!!!
 

The Hawk

Well-known member
Joined:
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Location:
Southern California
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago White Sox
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
Retired program director for a defense contractor for missile systems. Also retired high school baseball coach and travel ball coach. Went to a few state baseball championships and two World Series for high school aged kids. Currently coach pitching on the side.
 

Urblock

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Retired program director for a defense contractor for missile systems. Also retired high school baseball coach and travel ball coach. Went to a few state baseball championships and two World Series for high school aged kids. Currently coach pitching on the side.
Time for some of you guys to be nice to Hawk. He knows people with missiles. :yep:
 

ijustposthere

Message Board Hero
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '20
Joined:
Aug 20, 2012
Posts:
34,147
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Location:
Any-Town, USA
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago Cubs
  1. Chicago Bulls
  1. Chicago Bears
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
  1. Michigan Wolverines
  2. Purdue Boilermakers
I **** up all your assholes freight before it makes it to the store. So while you're bitching at xero over your damaged Nikes, I'm the one shoving my forks through the boxes.
 

Urblock

CCS Donator
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Kind of backed away from that when I lost my nuke powered penguin. :shrug:
 

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