CCS shiny object crew's view of the world:
Chicago Bears walks into it's doctors office:
Doctor: Bears, you are in bad shape. You need kidney, liver, and heart replacement.
Bears: I've got the money doc, set me up.
Doctor: I've got a great kidney and liver available.
Bears: Here's the cash, hell maybe even a little extra for you doc.
Doctor: The heart may be a bit harder, I have one but it isn't a match, is from an obese smoker, and likely gets rejected and fails. Or you can wait, I am expecting a new shipment in about a month with some really young athletic hearts available.
Bears: I will take the slow heart that isn't a blood match, here is a lot of money, you make it work.
Doctor: That's not how this works Bears, more money doesn't make it match.
Bears: Huh? Sorry, I stopped listening. What do you have in the way of corneas?
Doctor: You don't need a corneal transpla... oh fuck it.
Nice story, but ...
Poles refused the big, fat heart and the doctor sent it over to a hospital in Cincinatti.
I think the story goes more like this:
A Bear shits in the woods ... but then walks into a doctor's clinic.
Doctor: Bear, you smell like shit!
Bear: I had to go. Would you prefer that I did my business in the woods or in your bathroom?
Doctor: You have a point. Hey! I got your medical results. It looks bad. You need some major organs, but there is some good news. Your heart is extremely healthy but it is working inefficiently. With the replacement of those other organs, your hearth has a chance of working at peak form.
Bear: That is great! What organs do I need to replace?
Doctor: Well, you need to replace your liver, both kidneys and your pancreas.
Bear: Wow! That sounds horrible.
Doctor: Yes, these are some important organs, but we have options. I have a big, flabby kidney from a whale that we can use right now and it is relatively new, but it will cost you a lot extra.
Bear: From a whale?! You don't have any kidneys from Bears?
Doctor: We do, but kidneys from whales are all the rage with my patients. I have had 10 whale kidney replacements in the past two weeks!
Bear: How many of the patients were NOT whales?
Doctor: Oh, let me see. Ummmmmmmm ... none, they were all whales.
Bear: So you want me to use a large, flabby whale kidney because it is new ... and expensive? No thanks! Do you have any Bear kidneys?
Doctor: Well, we just got in a kidney and it came from a young bear.
Bears: That sounds great. How much will the kidney be?
Doctor: There will be a 33% discount because it is not a whale kidney
Bear: I'll take it.
Doctor: Now we have some slightly older kidneys for your 2nd kidney, but they are significantly older and more expensive.
Bear: Well, are there any other options?
Doctor: Well, yes there is if you can wait. There will be a hunting event in April where the hunters slaughter the forest creatures and just leave the carcasses on the ground. As the hunters are leaving, I am running around and collecting 100s of organs from the fallen animals and I normally go for the younger animals because their organs are better. I can give you a HUGE deal if you are willing to wait.
Bear: that sounds great! Since I will be replacing one kidney this week, I should be able to survive until April, right?
Doctor: Yes, with one replacement kidney, you should survive just fine. With the health of the pancreas and liver, you can get expensive organs or wait for April too.
Bear: I will wait until April. While I am here, I have been smoking a bit and I cannot seem to catch my breath.
Doctor: Good thing that you mentioned it because I have a very good lung and it is a steal. Do you need anything else.
Bear: Well, my vision has plummeted since Halloween.
Doctor: I have a solution for you but it will cost you a lot. I, however, believe that it is worth it. I have a pair of falcon eyes. You will be able to see like never before.
Bear: That is awesome! My family has always been known for great vision, but with my loss of vision, I am an embarrassment to my friends and family. I want to be able to see like my elders.
And before the Bear left the doctor's office, he had added some minor procedures that were low priced, but not life altering. He had gotten promises from the doctor to get a liver, pancreas and a 2nd kidney from some very young animals, or, at least, the doctor would promise to get some temporary organs if organs were not found after the hunt.
The End
