Dearest Mule

[Tater]

I really like Carrie Ann and it has absolutely nothing to do with Carrie Ann Fisher. It is from a girl I knew in high school who was cool as hell

Carrie Ann my wayward son....

 

[The Mule]

My tenderess Mule,



I think all baby names suck, and half of them remind me of dogs names. How do I pick on that won't scar her for life.



Love,

Gerber Baby



p.s. Who am I kidding any kid of mine is probably already messed up?

Dearest Gerber Baby,



You make an excellent point. It won't be the name that fucks up your child, no matter how terrible the name is. It will be you. You can always play the safe route and use what might be considered a boring name. Or you can go with something meaningful, a family name, the name of your favourite character from a book or your favourite crocodile, just like that dead Crocodile Hunter dude did. Sure, Bindy might not be the best name for every child, but I bet it builds character.



I've also hear tell that new parents take the first letter of every blood relatives name and enter them into a random name generator and just go with that. You might end up with something beautiful and unexpected. Like, DRYHKJSVBS. Think about it.



Alphabetically yours,



Mule

 

[MassHavoc]

Personally, I like the name Molly. If I were to ever knock a broad up, and the devil spawn had 2 X chromosomes, I think I would name her Molly.

That is my wife's #1 favorite name, but it aint happening, to me that's a dogs name or something.

 

[MassHavoc]

Dearest Gerber Baby,



You make an excellent point. It won't be the name that fucks up your child, no matter how terrible the name is. It will be you. You can always play the safe route and use what might be considered a boring name. Or you can go with something meaningful, a family name, the name of your favourite character from a book or your favourite crocodile, just like that dead Crocodile Hunter dude did. Sure, Bindy might not be the best name for every child, but I bet it builds character.



I've also hear tell that new parents take the first letter of every blood relatives name and enter them into a random name generator and just go with that. You might end up with something beautiful and unexpected. Like, DRYHKJSVBS. Think about it.



Alphabetically yours,



Mule

HAHAHA while entertaining and true... not helpful. haha.

 

[whiteevo]

That is my wife's #1 favorite name, but it aint happening, to me that's a dogs name or something.

have fun finding a name. it sucks.



FYI my sperm conquered again, we are due for kid #2 in mid October. you're welcome for stealing the thunder.

 

[The Mule]

HAHAHA while entertaining and true... not helpful. haha.

Are there any names that you do like? You have to start somewhere. If not, then you just have to forfeit to your wife and let her pick the name. The downside to this whole baby-naming thing is that you actually have to think.



I'd like to know what other names you think are dog's names. Most of the names you associate with dogs were most likely people's names first. Except Kitty, which is obviously a cat name.



I would be more worried about made up names, hippie names (Flowerblossomcandycanelane) or adding in a bunch of 'y's to a name just to make it sound unique. FYI, universe: that is not unique, it's not even wordplay, it's just a problem. Also, do not name your child Unique. Molly is cutesy, but it doesn't make me think that your child is some kind of social experiment named to test if she decides to become a stripper or a marine biologist. Not that there is anything wrong with either profession.



Make a list of names you do like. There are lots of them. A great name for a girl is always Dina. Just sayin'.

 

[bookjones]

have fun finding a name. it sucks.



FYI my sperm conquered again, we are due for kid #2 in mid October. you're welcome for stealing the thunder.

OMG, my poor Piper. . .old girl barely gets any time to be an only child---when she's older she won't remember her only child days except through your photos/vids. Oh well Pipes, you had a good run while it lasted.



Also, I guess CONGRATULATIONS! are in order wanker so you know, that. Wouldn't it be weird if #2 is one of those babies with barely any hair considering P came out fully-tressed and flowing and has only gone on to have some of the best baby flow ever since then?

 

[Ymono37]

FYI my sperm conquered again, we are due for kid #2 in mid October. you're welcome for stealing the thunder.

Is that Irish twins for you?

 

[whiteevo]

OMG, my poor Piper. . .old girl barely gets any time to be an only child---when she's older she won't remember her only child days except through your photos/vids. Oh well Pipes, you had a good run while it lasted.



Also, I guess CONGRATULATIONS! are in order wanker so you know, that. Wouldn't it be weird if #2 is one of those babies with barely any hair considering P came out fully-tressed and flowing and has only gone on to have some of the best baby flow ever since then?

we are expecting this kid to be bald as a mother ******. although even if it is a boy (we aren't finding out) he's gonna have the sick flow too. he's gonna come into U-6 hockey lookin tough.

Is that Irish twins for you?

pretty damn close. daughter just turned 15 months and this new one is 1/2 way cooked. my adult hockey/softball career is over.

 

[bookjones]

Dearest Fashionable Mule,



So I am at home today and my toenails are bare and have been for a while. Needless to say I have yet to rock any sandals. I need to settle down and pick a color to sport for warm weather. I like to stick to one color all summer unless a special event comes up. Usually I do super-dark brown (with a hint of red to it). Last summer I went with black. This year I am thinking about gray. I did pick up a few different color grays (all matte and not on the silver end of the spectrum) but keep in mind I also have black, brown, some classic red. Your thoughts about urban toenail colors for 2012?





Yours,



Colorless in Chicago

 

[The Mule]

Dearest Fashionable Mule,



So I am at home today and my toenails are bare and have been for a while. Needless to say I have yet to rock any sandals. I need to settle down and pick a color to sport for warm weather. I like to stick to one color all summer unless a special event comes up. Usually I do super-dark brown (with a hint of red to it). Last summer I went with black. This year I am thinking about gray. I did pick up a few different color grays (all matte and not on the silver end of the spectrum) but keep in mind I also have black, brown, some classic red. Your thoughts about urban toenail colors for 2012?





Yours,



Colorless in Chicago

Dearest Colourless,



It's the time of year to think about toenail colour commitments. Wearing sandals is one of the most joyous elements of summer and choosing a nail varnish/laquer/polish colour can be just as enjoyable. I'm always a fan of gray as a nail colour. It's a more unexpected and fun neutral. I think any of your other choices (black is another favourite of mine, as it often contrasts will with traditional summer colours) would be suitable. It all depends on the direction you want to go in.



It sounds to me as though you prefer a dark polish, and prefer something neutral and not overly colourful (aside from the always classic, red), but have you considered something lighter? A few years ago I received some Chanel nail polish swag in a very light buttery colour that I enjoyed very much. Especially once my feet were tanned. Perhaps a light gray, with a hint of purples, would do the trick.



Or, if you're feeling adventurous, the two-toned colour, featuring gray and black, or gray and red. I have not tried this, but a friend did her nails in two colours, with the index finger as the single contrasting colour and it looked fabulous. Or the two-tone faux french manicure. I prefer a single colour, but it's mostly because my clothes are usually bold enough without the added detailing. Not to say I wouldn't try it.



I could discuss this all day, but I think you should go with your instincts. The summer of Gray.



Yours in beauty,



Mule

 

[MassHavoc]

Are there any names that you do like? You have to start somewhere. If not, then you just have to forfeit to your wife and let her pick the name. The downside to this whole baby-naming thing is that you actually have to think.



I'd like to know what other names you think are dog's names. Most of the names you associate with dogs were most likely people's names first. Except Kitty, which is obviously a cat name.



I would be more worried about made up names, hippie names (Flowerblossomcandycanelane) or adding in a bunch of 'y's to a name just to make it sound unique. FYI, universe: that is not unique, it's not even wordplay, it's just a problem. Also, do not name your child Unique. Molly is cutesy, but it doesn't make me think that your child is some kind of social experiment named to test if she decides to become a stripper or a marine biologist. Not that there is anything wrong with either profession.



Make a list of names you do like. There are lots of them. A great name for a girl is always Dina. Just sayin'.

That's the problem, I hate that people have started to name their dogs people names, not only it it annoying, but it makes them more annoying because they truely do treat their dogs/cats/pets whatever as actual people. Drives me nuts. And for all you freaks that thing you have children cause you have a pet, **** off. annnywho. Yeah we do have one name, but we aren't letting anything out of the bag cause my wife it trying to go all hippie on me and wanting to name the kid when she comes out so we have to pick a couple and then decide. She already didn't want to know the sex but I outranked her on that for this one. The name will definitely not be anything crazy or one of a kind, but it will also not be anything too common. I can't stand people named Mercedes, Listerine, La-A (pronounced Ladash a), or have no consonants in it.

 

[Ymono37]

That's the problem, I hate that people have started to name their dogs people names, not only it it annoying, but it makes them more annoying because they truely do treat their dogs/cats/pets whatever as actual people. Drives me nuts. And for all you freaks that thing you have children cause you have a pet, **** off. annnywho. Yeah we do have one name, but we aren't letting anything out of the bag cause my wife it trying to go all hippie on me and wanting to name the kid when she comes out so we have to pick a couple and then decide. She already didn't want to know the sex but I outranked her on that for this one. The name will definitely not be anything crazy or one of a kind, but it will also not be anything too common. I can't stand people named Mercedes, Listerine, La-A (pronounced Ladash a), or have no consonants in it.

How about Lemonjello or Oranjello?

 

[bookjones]

Dearest Colourless,



It's the time of year to think about toenail colour commitments. Wearing sandals is one of the most joyous elements of summer and choosing a nail varnish/laquer/polish colour can be just as enjoyable. I'm always a fan of gray as a nail colour. It's a more unexpected and fun neutral. I think any of your other choices (black is another favourite of mine, as it often contrasts will with traditional summer colours) would be suitable. It all depends on the direction you want to go in.



It sounds to me as though you prefer a dark polish, and prefer something neutral and not overly colourful (aside from the always classic, red), but have you considered something lighter? A few years ago I received some Chanel nail polish swag in a very light buttery colour that I enjoyed very much. Especially once my feet were tanned. Perhaps a light gray, with a hint of purples, would do the trick.



Or, if you're feeling adventurous, the two-toned colour, featuring gray and black, or gray and red. I have not tried this, but a friend did her nails in two colours, with the index finger as the single contrasting colour and it looked fabulous. Or the two-tone faux french manicure. I prefer a single colour, but it's mostly because my clothes are usually bold enough without the added detailing. Not to say I wouldn't try it.



I could discuss this all day, but I think you should go with your instincts. The summer of Gray.



Yours in beauty,



Mule

Gray it is for 2012!





And speaking of your clothes, I ran across this site for the first time ever last night and when I went to the Dresses section I totes thought of you: http://www.shabbyapple.com

 

[MassHavoc]

How about Lemonjello or Oranjello?

That's just fucking stupid, those are obviously middle names.

 

[bookjones]

How about Lemonjello or Oranjello?

Or better still, related and two of my favorite libations: Limoncello (Cin cin!) or Orangina?

 

[Ymono37]

Or better still, related and two of my favorite libations: Limoncello (Cin cin!) or Orangina?

I was going to try and make some of that... basically doing the same thing I do to make peppermint schnapps but using lemon extract instead.

 

[Tater]

Dear Mule,



Doesn't MassHavoc have a court order that says he is not allowed to reproduce? Something about public safety...?

 

[Ymono37]

Dear Mule,



Doesn't MassHavoc have a court order that says he is not allowed to reproduce? Something about public safety...?

I don't mean to step on Mule's dainty toes, but I think you're confusing this with his needed vehement adherence to Megan's Law.

 

[MassHavoc]

I still hate you all.