Dearest Mule

[supraman]

Dear Mule,

Perhaps it's the upcoming 3 day weekend? I think many are excited for it and full of extra pep. Are Canadians aware of that this is Memorial Day Weekend?

Canada doesnt have cool holidays....

 

[The Mule]

Dear Mule,

Perhaps it's the upcoming 3 day weekend? I think many are excited for it and full of extra pep. Are Canadians aware of that this is Memorial Day Weekend?

Dear 3-Day Weekend,



Yes, Canadians are aware of Memorial Day. An extra day off can always provide some much needed pep. In Canada our long weekend, Victoria Day (because we love our royals) was this past weekend, so we are more subdued than usual.



Maplely Yours,



Mule

 

[phranchk]

Dear 3-Day Weekend,



Yes, Canadians are aware of Memorial Day. An extra day off can always provide some much needed pep. In Canada our long weekend, Victoria Day (because we love our royals) was this past weekend, so we are more subdued than usual.



Maplely Yours,



Mule

More subdued than usual? Does that mean that everyone in Canada is in a coma?

 

[bookjones]

Everyone is full of sass today. And pervy. Even pervier than usual.

Which is really saying something.

 

[Tater]

Dear Mule,

Perhaps it's the upcoming 3 day weekend? I think many are excited for it and full of extra pep. Are Canadians aware of that this is Memorial Day Weekend?

How would they know. I've heard thy don't even have electricity there. They run off of generators.

 

[Spunky Porkstacker]

Dear Mule, Are you at all concerned about the long distance love affair between Grimson and TCD ? What will you do if there is a knock on the door and its Grimson?

 

[bubbleheadchief]

Dearest Mule,



Why do some members like Supra, Mass, and Jacko (and I guess Klemm and Bubble now too) like to give me grief and act like they hate me when we all know I have said I love them like my own private gaggle of male sister-wives and we know they don't actually hate me? It's so passive-aggressive. Why do men expend energy being all passive-aggressive?

I was looking at it more as a sibling like thing, where as the older brother I have two jobs, one to protect my younger sibling of the weaker sex, and two to pick on her ruthlessly, until she runs crying to Mom...."Moooooommmmmmmm Bubble is picking on me!!!!!!!" Seems as if I have succeeded admirably.

 

[bubbleheadchief]

Dearest Chief,



This is indeed a complicated question. And yes, oftentimes the question is asked at an awkward moment, like after a healthy bowel movement, or in the throes of looking at online, hockey message boards. Perhaps it's because they would like a framework, perhaps it's because they honestly want to please you, perhaps it's just a question, like some kind of genetic mutation, that appears in generation after generation of females. However, I think it points to a different idea, that sometimes women don't want to think about what to have for dinner.



If a woman has cooked dinner every night for days, months, years, the dinner-cooking, thinking about recipes and menus part of her brain becomes enflamed. That part of the brain is tired and weary and uninterested in thinking about what to cook for dinner. She would probably rather be doing ten bazillion other things than considering dinner options. And probably doesn't much want to cook dinner either. Menu fatigue, it's a real problem.



Having the person being asked "what's for dinner" cook dinner is a good thing. Also good: take out. Also good: going out for dinner. Also good: candy for dinner.



Eat well, my friend.



Hungrily,



Mule

Ms Presumptuous,

Let me twist this a tad bit, or better yet clarify my earlier question. And I am trying to ask this from a point of view I no longer am in possession of, having a significant other, but am trying to get one of the mysteries of the female persona answered for the others my half the species that do.



I understand that SHE is wanting a framework of something to cook. And I think you made an unfair presumption that SHE has done all the cooking. I feel that in these modern times, unless the male half is an utter neanderthal, that this is a task that both members of the union share equally, usually meted with the person not doing the cooking washing the dishes afterwards. Example: In my first marriage, SHE couldn't boil water without written directions in front of her, and even with said directions, SHE still found a way to **** it up. I did all the cooking. Not once did I ever ask her "what do you want for dinner" but "do you want me to cook or do you want to go out tonight."



In my previous query I should have added that when we answer "I don't know" what we really mean is "It doesn't matter to me dear. Whatever you cook will be fine with me, as there is nothing you make that I don't love and appreciate. Especially if after I do the dishes we get to have sex" So again, why do you get so bent out of shape at this???



Here is a suggestion that maybe you can pass on to all the other members of your sisterhood...instead of asking "What do you want for dinner tonight" simply ask or state "I really have no clue what we should eat tonight or what do cook. Do you have a taste for anything special? Maybe we can go out?"



Maybe by saying this, one of the millenia lasting arguments men and women have will die out like the dinosaurs???



As Always,

Chief



ps I made some absolutely awesome stuffed Pork Chops the other day...unfortunately I had to do the fucking dishes too

 

[The Mule]

Dear Mule, Are you at all concerned about the long distance love affair between Grimson and TCD ? What will you do if there is a knock on the door and its Grimson?

Dearest Porky,



I am not concerned. If TCD and Grimson are meant to be together, then who am I to stand in the way of their love? They most likely have more in common than me and TCD, engage in rousing debates and make each other laugh like two crazy kids on their honeymoon. Perhaps the real question is this: why have TCD and Stu not admitted their feelings to each other? Why have they not made sweeping romantic gestures? it's their time to show their love. If there is a knock on the door I will send them on their merry way.



Go forth, gentlemen, and let your love affair blossom.



Newly single,



Mule

 

[bubbleheadchief]

Dearest Porky,



I am not concerned. If TCD and Grimson are meant to be together, then who am I to stand in their way of their love? They most likely have more in common than me and TCD, engage in rousing debates and make each other laugh like two crazy kids on their honeymoon. Perhaps the real question is this: why have TCD and Stu not admitted their feelings to each other? Why have they not made sweeping romantic gestures? it's their time to show their love. If there is a knock on the door I will send them on their merry way.



Go forth, gentlemen, and let your love affair blossom.



Newly single,



Mule

Damn you woman, that made me shoot coffee out my nose I was laughing so hard!!!!!!

 

[The Mule]

Ms Presumptuous,

Let me twist this a tad bit, or better yet clarify my earlier question. And I am trying to ask this from a point of view I no longer am in possession of, having a significant other, but am trying to get one of the mysteries of the female persona answered for the others my half the species that do.



I understand that SHE is wanting a framework of something to cook. And I think you made an unfair presumption that SHE has done all the cooking. I feel that in these modern times, unless the male half is an utter neanderthal, that this is a task that both members of the union share equally, usually meted with the person not doing the cooking washing the dishes afterwards. Example: In my first marriage, SHE couldn't boil water without written directions in front of her, and even with said directions, SHE still found a way to **** it up. I did all the cooking. Not once did I ever ask her "what do you want for dinner" but "do you want me to cook or do you want to go out tonight."



In my previous query I should have added that when we answer "I don't know" what we really mean is "It doesn't matter to me dear. Whatever you cook will be fine with me, as there is nothing you make that I don't love and appreciate. Especially if after I do the dishes we get to have sex" So again, why do you get so bent out of shape at this???



Here is a suggestion that maybe you can pass on to all the other members of your sisterhood...instead of asking "What do you want for dinner tonight" simply ask or state "I really have no clue what we should eat tonight or what do cook. Do you have a taste for anything special? Maybe we can go out?"



Maybe by saying this, one of the millenia lasting arguments men and women have will die out like the dinosaurs???



As Always,

Chief



ps I made some absolutely awesome stuffed Pork Chops the other day...unfortunately I had to do the fucking dishes too

Dearest Chief,



You are wholly correct. I should have used gender neutral pronouns in my response. I do believe that often the frustration comes from what I have termed menu fatigue, but that it can be either a man or woman experiencing it. Your question was about women specifically, so I answered thusly. I also do not believe all members of either gender are universal, and that there is no code to uncover the hidden mysteries of 'man' or 'woman' despite there being some similarities among genders, we are all different and complicated and each person is an individual nut that requires cracking. It's sad but true.



Back to your suggestion. I believe it's an excellent idea. I also believe it has to do with communication. Sometimes the person being asked what they want for dinner does not have any idea, does not want to answer the question and in general does not want the responsibility of making even a decision about food. I have been that person. I have also been the person asking and been annoyed that I have to then think about the thing I don't want to do. In either position we must try to continue to dialogue, either to say, "hey, I don't know, but I just got in the door and I want to have a sit down and think about it for a minute, cool?" or, "hey, I know you don't know what you want for dinner, but if there's anything you do want speak up, also we could have either _____ or _____ or go to ______." It's not a one-sided scenario.



The main thing here is that food is the most important thing in the world and most people want to talk about it a lot. I know I do.



Side note: sometimes while I'm eating lunch I get excited thinking about the food I'm going to eat for dinner because I love eating so much. If we all felt like that there would be no "what do you want for dinner?" "I don't know" conversations. But maybe that would be the downfall of civilization?



Yours,



Mule

 

[bookjones]

I was looking at it more as a sibling like thing, where as the older brother I have two jobs, one to protect my younger sibling of the weaker sex, and two to pick on her ruthlessly, until she runs crying to Mom...."Moooooommmmmmmm Bubble is picking on me!!!!!!!" Seems as if I have succeeded admirably.

I am an only child. As such I will not accept this "antagonistic/obnoxious siblings" phenomenon that you all seem to clichely adhere to which goes against everything I know and my very grain. I am used to a life of being encoraged to have my say about things, standing up for myelf, and also getting my way. This lifestyle has served me admirably in stark contrast to all the sort of twisted familial psycho-drama for the sake of drama that your method encourages. Now, bow down! And go fetch me some cookies goddamnit!

 

[Tater]

Dearest Porky,



I am not concerned. If TCD and Grimson are meant to be together, then who am I to stand in the way of their love? They most likely have more in common than me and TCD, engage in rousing debates and make each other laugh like two crazy kids on their honeymoon. Perhaps the real question is this: why have TCD and Stu not admitted their feelings to each other? Why have they not made sweeping romantic gestures? it's their time to show their love. If there is a knock on the door I will send them on their merry way.



Go forth, gentlemen, and let your love affair blossom.



Newly single,



Mule

Ummm....you might not want to, but look through his PM's.

 

[bookjones]

Ummm....you might not want to, but look through his PM's.

For reals. Tater's spot on here.



If there's anything I have learned at my time at IHN through it various itterations over the years is that much to my wonderment you dudes seem to spend an inordnate amount of time PM-ing each other your innermost thoughts. You guys are worse than a gaggle of coffee klatching broads. One would be predisposed to think posting incessantly on the forums as well as Chat would be enough but one would be wrong as apparently you guys NEED this one-on-one interaction time that can only be satisfied through PM. Therefore any assertions and generalizations on the forums that women are needy or are too talky-talky are comical.

 

[bubbleheadchief]

I am an only child. As such I will not accept this "antagonistic/obnoxious siblings" phenomenon that you all seem to clichely adhere to which goes against everything I know and my very grain. I am used to a life of being encoraged to have my say about things, standing up for myelf, and also getting my way. This lifestyle has served me admirably in stark contrast to all the sort of twisted familial psycho-drama for the sake of drama that your method encourages. Now, bow down! And go fetch me some cookies goddamnit!

Get your own damn cookies, and while you're in the kitchen, make me a sandwich!!!!

 

[jakobeast]

I am an only child. As such I will not accept this "antagonistic/obnoxious siblings" phenomenon that you all seem to clichely adhere to which goes against everything I know and my very grain. I am used to a life of being encoraged to have my say about things, standing up for myelf, and also getting my way. This lifestyle has served me admirably in stark contrast to all the sort of twisted familial psycho-drama for the sake of drama that your method encourages. Now, bow down! And go fetch me some cookies goddamnit!

Then this is extremely obvious. My cohorts and I(mostly I) have A LOT of time to make up for.

 

[klemmer]

And go fetch me some cookies goddamnit!

What kind?

 

[sth]

Dearest Mule,



My brother is a huge germaphobe he is always asking me if his symptoms are signs of severe illnesses. He is on WebMD all the time. How do I get him to realize he's fine and stop bugging me?

 

[The Mule]

Dearest Mule,



My brother is a huge germaphobe he is always asking me if his symptoms are signs of severe illnesses. He is on WebMD all the time. How do I get him to realize he's fine and stop bugging me?

Dearest Brotherly Love,



I sympathize with your brother. I too have gone down that path. Back in the 1990s, a time before civilzation, the government of British Columbia sent out a wonderful book to every household: The BC Health Guide. Inside it included many wonderful tips about health, but also a very intensive list of diseases and illness and ailments and a detailed list of symptoms and other signs to watch out for. I poured over this book unlike any other. And I am a bibliophile, to say the least. I had endometriosis, spinal meningitis, whooping cough, prostate cancer. I had it all. One day, years later, in frustration TCD took the BC Health Guide out of my hands on a cold, rainy winter night and threw it in the dumpster, never to be seen again. Sadly, you can't throw away the internet and let this problem lie.



Instead of trying to brush off his obsession with illness and force him to believe he is fine I see you as having two options:



1. Just go along with whatever he says. If he says he has mono, tell him that he has been sleeping way more than usual and looks a pale and awful. If he says he has syphilis, tell him that he has been really sexually irresponsible and also delusional and crazy, you know like in the later stages, when the brain stops understanding shit. For example, draw a smiley face in excrement above his bed and then convince him that he did it. In this way he will slowly begin to understand how illogical he's been behaving. Or he will have a nervous breakdown.



2. Give him a disease. Go to a preschool and swipe every surface with his face cloth. Or head on down to the local clinic late at night (you will need an all black ensemble and balaclava for this to work) and loot til your heart's content. Plant the seeds of illness and then you won't have to worry about being right, because he will be. He will also be very sick.



Yours,



Mule

 

[sth]

I have a friend who has been feeling down lately. She hasn't been herself lately her mind has been wandering when we talk. I can just tell she doesn't feel much like talking. She always brings sunshine into my life even on her worst days. But the past couple days she seems really down. What can I do to cheer her up?