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Here's your recap of the episode:
Started well enough with the dialogue (Tormund especially), then just tanked... It doesn't help that the whole mission beyond the Wall was Special person to begin with, but even discounting that, everything was just way too convenient and contrived. It was basically an 80's action movie and featured the most absurd abuse of the jetpacking perk yet.
- Bear attack: Action for action sake, but the fight sequence didn't make much sense (small gripe)
- They just "stumble upon" a litte roving band of one (1) White Walker and his little band of misfits (THIS COULD BE OUR CHANCE GUYS!). How convenient.
- Hmmm, kill the White Walker and a bunch of wights eat shit along with it... except 1 (JUST WHAT WE WERE LOOKING FOR! I GUESS OUR MISSION IS DONE!). By the way, we saw Jon take out a White Walker at Hardhome, and a bunch of wights didn't also each shit. But sure, I guess we're all learning things.
- Of course, the full army of the dead is right there because WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY NOT BE?!!? (Reason #110011 this mission was Special person in the first place).
- Hey Gendry, apparently we're only like a couple blocks away from Eastwatch still. Run on back there, and tell them to send a fucking raven TO DRAGONSTONE to tell Dany that we're about to be murdered by the army of the dead. Dragonstone is not close.
- Of course Dany gets the message about five minutes later and, of course, decides to go (in her freshly knitted royal garb from the Targaryen winter collection), after some more tortured dialogue between her and Tyrion as if there was a debate. (Yeah, we get it, their relationship is on the skids).
- Meanwhile, Jon and gang spend the night sleeping on a rock, exposed to the elements surrounded by the damn army that brings the worst winter ever-- but hey, only Thoros froze to death, so I guess it's a win.
- Finally, the fighting starts and the sequence is pretty weak. Besides being completed surrounded and outnumbered by millions, they manage to keep the dead at bay until Jon says to "fall back" (to where), only to realize they're still on a rock and still surrounded! (no shit). Apparently it only took 10 minutes for the rear flank of zombies to reach the rock too!!
- Man, this is tense... Oh wait, no it's not because of course here's Dany in the nick of time to burn the dead with her jetpack enabled dragons. Emotional impact: Negative.
- Funny, for dragons that can somehow travel at the speed of sound, they have a really hard time evading surface-to-air projectiles hurling at a fraction of those speeds.
- But Dany saves the day, nonetheless, so hey Jon, get on the fucking dragon and let's gtfo... NO, must keep fighting and have another contrived near death experience as he gets dragged under water by undead! He's really screwed now!anic:
- Nope... here he is coming out of the water. :shrug: How? Why? Fuck you. Regards, B&B.
- Well shit, guess Jon's alive, but there are still dead everywhere. He's super screwed again!! Nope. Coldhands. I mean, Uncle Benjen. Long time, no see, I guess? Well, thank you for your service. :yawn:
- Fuck it. Jon's soaking wet and it's cold as fuck. Ride like the wind to Eastwatch.
I will quibble a bit on your points.
1. The NK has an army. Armies historically employ scouts and so it is not out of the realm of possibility that they stumbled upon the scouts of the NK army.
2. It was said that killing a Wight Walker kills the undead it created. So the undead with the Scout happened to be created by him. So with respect to Wight Walker at Hardhome, was there anything in that scene that made it clear it had created those specific undead as if not then they wouldn't die by killing the Wight Walker?
3. Agreed Gendry running like Usain Bolt, the Raven getting to Dragonstone and the dragons arriving in the nick of time was very contrived. It's like the Dragons have an FTL drive or something.
4. The dragon didn't appear to see or care about the projectile until it killed him. We've seen dragons get hit by simple arrows before so I suspect they are not overall concerned about being tagged by projectiles as they can just brush most projectiles off with their dragon skin.
5. Agreed regarding how Jon magically survived being dragged down or how he didn't die of hypothermia after submerged in ice cold water for several minutes and then riding all the way back to the Eastwatch without anything to keep him warm. Unless he is some sort of undead/living hybrid, there is no way a normal human can survive in those conditions.
