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Shouldn't it be the other way around?
Jokes - post them here
- Thread starter Tater
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LordKOTL
Scratched for Vorobiev
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My favorite teams
I believe the joke is: You ever hear of the drink called the Hurricane Sandy?
It's just a watered-down Manhattan.
It's just a watered-down Manhattan.
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What do you get when a parakeet flies through a screen door?
Shredded Tweet! HA!
Did you hear about the cannibal that pasted his friend in the woods?
What did the mathematician do when he has constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Shredded Tweet! HA!
Did you hear about the cannibal that pasted his friend in the woods?
What did the mathematician do when he has constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil.
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I don't get it...
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Cannibal... eats people... ate his friend... passed = gentle euphemism for taking a dump...
ZING!
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HA! Yes, proper grammar helps doesnt it.
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Ahhhh passed... haah that makes more sense now... hah.
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My FAVORITE Joke, for rather obvious reasons, is an A.D.D. kid joke, but for full impact, it needs to be told in person:
How many A.D.D. kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
LET'S RIDE BIKES!
How many A.D.D. kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
LET'S RIDE BIKES!
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Ohhh squirrel.
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That certainly works as well. In fact, ANY punchline delivered in true ADD way makes the joke work.
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I don't know why but I really like that joke.
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In person it must be delivered with a step forward into a person's "space". Even my mother takes a step back.
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A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.
It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter', she says. I'll take it!'
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The clerk rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.'
She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.
It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter', she says. I'll take it!'
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The clerk rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.'
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.'
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The middle aged college professor screeches to a stop next to his favorite co-ed in his brand new sports car. She exclaims, "Wow, what a beautiful car!! Can I go for a ride?"
"Sure, hop in," he said.
He pulls out of the parking lot, tires burning rubber. After several figure eights, taking corners at breakneck speed, tires squealing, he slides to a stop at her dorm.
"Wow Professor, I'll bet you're hard on tires," she exclaims.
He replies. "I'll bet it doesn't."
"Sure, hop in," he said.
He pulls out of the parking lot, tires burning rubber. After several figure eights, taking corners at breakneck speed, tires squealing, he slides to a stop at her dorm.
"Wow Professor, I'll bet you're hard on tires," she exclaims.
He replies. "I'll bet it doesn't."
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agenthehe
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Me & Jako pretending to be hockey players Saturday....
Best Joke of All #GameOver
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I'm not going to lie, I had to read the last two sentences a could of times... haha but then I got it.
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supraman
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